3rd loss

[Eliebeach22]

Hi, wondering if anyone can give me some advice or success stories which will help massively. I’ve met some really supportive ladies on this forum and I’m so grateful for their support.

We’ve just had our 3rd loss confirmed today this year. An ectopic in Jan (natural) and then early miscarriage in July after first round of ICSI. We’ve just finished our second round and got a strong positive. We thought this was our time and I was so excited for my 12 week scan on my 40th birthday which is just before Christmas.

Today we had an early scan at 6w4d and we had an empty sac. We are both just devastated as I’m sure so many on this forum will understand. The pain is like no other.

Does anyone have a success story after 3 or more losses… it really would help me to hear these stories.

We’ve been asked to go back next week to discuss 3 options - natural miscarriage, medication or surgery. I’m thinking natural might be best, but really am confused - so any help or advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks all. I’m so grateful to this network of support xx

[Jules0277]

So sorry for your loss. We had the same thing happen, first scan at 6.5 weeks they could see the sac and something small inside, we went back a week later to see nothing had grown inside and no heartbeat. They called it a blighted ovum. I ended up bleeding which got worse and very very heavy where I called 111 who contacted the hospital to book me in to see the gynae team. I ended up having an op later that evening. Symptoms took around 2 weeks to stop fully.

We then tried again and had a chemical. We’re just planning a frozen cycle for January after a couple of years rest from it all.

I think it depends on whether you want to plan it and have it dealt with quickly without too much bleeding at home or your happy to wait and see what happens naturally, which could end up needing intervention anyway. I would ask some questions for each option and see what feels the best for you.

Good luck with what you decide, and all the best for the future. Xx

[Eliebeach22 in reply to Jules0277]

Thanks Jules for your reply, really helpful advice. I’m going back next week so will have my questions ready. I wish you all the best for your cycle in January. Xx

[LollaL]

Hi Elie

If I may ask what was you first beta?

[Eliebeach22 in reply to LollaL]

Of course - it was 145 at week4, then increased to 17000 at week 6 x

[LouCollier]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It truely is heartbreaking.

I had a natural miscarrage at 7 weeks and then two more slightly earlier. I got the NHS miscarrage testing and I paid for Tommys trust NK cell testing (you can get your doctor to refer you). This came up high and I was given steriods on my next IVF. This did work but we also decided to use donor eggs (after all the trying and miscarrages we had lost years and my AMH had dropped). Im pleased to say it was sucessful on the first transfer and I now have a little boy.

I will never know if getting my NK cells tested earlier would have made a difference using my own eggs but I was a couple of years older than you by the time we got to that point.

I hope you find the answers you need to have your little miracle

[Eliebeach22 in reply to LouCollier]

Thanks so much Lou for your help. This is such a wonderful community. I’m so pleased to hear you have your wee boy. Having children is such a miracle. Enjoy every special moment xx

[LouCollier in reply to Eliebeach22]

Thank you, it truely is and I feel blessed every day.

My inbox is alway open if you ever want to chat xx

[Eliebeach22 in reply to LouCollier]

Thanks, I really appreciate that. Thank you xx

[MrsOrangejuice]

I'm sorry, it will be so raw for you right now. I had two early losses after fresh transfers (6 and then 5 weeks), and a PUL earlier this year which ended in surgery around 10 weeks. The first one was a massive shock as I thought we had just been lucky and I'd never had a BFP in 10 years so just thought we'd finally cracked the problem. The next I was more cynical/prepared and I got HCGs done super early so I knew it wasn't viable. Same in a way with the third as although the HCGs were good and going up (ended up very high by the time of surgery), it wasn't consistent, but because my body didn't recognise it was over, it dragged on and that was very hard. Am glad I went with a D&C as it was very quick and I just went to sleep and woke up and weirdly felt better immediately and knew it was over. I didn't want the additional pain and trauma of the tablets (although I know it can be fine for some women). My cycles also went straight back to normal so although it's abrupt, it was closure. But it's very personal. On a much more positive note, my doctors said it was actually good we were getting that far (noted this is very difficult to hear and accept while you're in the middle of it) as it showed embryos with enough energy, a good environment to implant and at least some development. They also said with absolutely no other known issues, and top quality embryos, the odds are 1 in 3 because even perfect looking embryos can have genetic issues they can't identify, and that's the same with natural pregnancies. That has proved true for us as I had a successful FET after the first two losses, then after another BFN on a FET, am now 4mnths into my first ever natural pregnancy. So although it's extremely hard to keep going and accept the numbers theory mindset, it has been the case for us. That said, I was convinced there was something wrong and didn't want to keep going without grilling my consultant what else we could test for or change - we didn't come up with much tbh but at least I felt we weren't missing anything - so I think do that when you're ready. Hopefully others can also give you some advice on what they tested and changed that may have worked, as it's so hard to keep going and face going through another loss. I hope you have support around you as the hormone drop after my last loss absolutely floored me - I likened it to post partum depression only without the joy of the baby, and people don't always understand, including the medical profession who just casually waive losses before 15 weeks away like they are nothing. They're aren't nothing and you need to take care of yourself for the next few months - you will feel better and rebuild, but right now just concentrate on your physical and mental health x

[Eliebeach22 in reply to MrsOrangejuice]

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I get so much help from this forum and the support is unreal. I’m also lucky to have amazing friends and family around me, in particular my partner and my Mum. I don’t know where I’d be without them. Delighted to hear after all the trauma that you’re 4 months - that’s just amazing news. I hope you’re keeping well. Thanks again for taking the time - really appreciate it xx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Elliebeach. Oh my poor pair, obviously you are so distraught just now, and hope you have plenty of support round you both. I assume they will do recurrent miscarriage checks on you, which may include a hysteroscopy to check your womb and lining biopsy. I have met lots of couples with similar stories who have gone on to have their family. All the best and I shall be thinking of you both. Diane

[Eliebeach22 in reply to DianeArnold]

Thank you so much Diane. I see you reply to so many posts - what wonderful support you give to this community. I’m very grateful and feel lucky that I have the family and friends support that I do. I don’t know how I’d get through this without them. Right now my heart wonders how it will ever heal. But to hear you’ve met many couples in a similar position who got their dream - wow. Gives me hope. Thank you x

[AJKP]

Hi Eliebeach22

I'm really sorry for your loss, its utterly heartbreaking. I too have had 3 miscarriages, no success stories im afraid yet, we're trying 1 more round of ivf, if that fails i think we'll go for egg donor. Im 42 so time isn't on my side. Having had 3 losses i pushed for tests linked to high antibodies and sticky blood, which could be an option for you to explore if you haven't already, they can then prescribe various medications to help. Unfortunately mine came back OK so its more likely egg quality for me.

Just want to send you big hugs as I know the pain you're going through. Hopefully we'll get success stories to share one day!! Xx

[Eliebeach22 in reply to AJKP]

Thank you so much. It’s hellish to think so many people go through this agony - it’s utter hell. And no one can truly understand until they’ve been there. So thank you for your lovely reply. We’ve also been considering DE, don’t think we are quite there yet but maybe one day. Just need to pick myself up and heal my heart again before thinking of trying again. As my counsellor said this week - this is the only journey in life where people put themselves through this pain time and time again - we all just hope for our miracle one day. Wishing you all the best and thanks again for taking the time to reply xx