Scared I messed up

[Doodlebug23]

Tested home 8dp5dt Tues BFN

Tested home 10dp5dt Thurs vv faint line

Blood test 11dp5dt Fri

Tested home 12dp5dt Sat BFN - stopped meds

Started bleeding last night

Doctors called today to say HCG was 49 on Fri test 😰😰

Clinic said probably a chemical but I can’t stop thinking it’s my fault for stopping meds on Sat before blood results.

I didn’t know HCG level when I spoke to clinic earlier and now waiting to hear back as I’ve left a message since found out levels.

I’ve started meds again just now but I guess too late as I’m bleeding.

Doctors have done a blood form so I can confirm.

I feel so guilty and so so stupid 😰😰😰

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Do not be so hard on yourself - good thing is you have restarted meds Hope you get results of bloods soon Make sure you have people around you for support

Take care

Janet- Partner

[Doodlebug23 in reply to JA-fnuk]

Thankyou x

[CarlottaD27]

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this and I highly doubt you could have done anything to change the outcome - such a low HCG reading probably suggests a pregnancy that isn’t viable / likely to be a chemical.

In March I stopped taking my progesterone due to a bleed then got a VFL the next day, but it was too late as I was already bleeding. I’ve felt huge guilt and regret for this but have to remind myself that everything I did was with the best intentions. The support on here helped me to move on, but it’s still painful.

I totally get how you’re feeling as it’s such a stressful time and we put ourselves under so much pressure. You did exactly what any woman would do so have nothing to feel guilty about. I hope the clinic can reassure you too xxx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to CarlottaD27]

You have no idea how much that message means. Or actually you probably do 💞

The clinic have said the same as you. And I already have my plan for the next transfer. My bleed started last night so I can start estrogen tomorrow.

I hope you got it get your happy ending xxx

[CarlottaD27 in reply to Doodlebug23]

I’m SO glad they reassured you’ve. I’ve been there and it’s the most awful sense of regret! Great news that you can move onto a new transfer immediately - you can focus on that instead! Best of luck!

[Doodlebug23 in reply to CarlottaD27]

Thankyou. Sorry just read your bio. We got this 💪🏻 x

[BBHH1 in reply to Doodlebug23]

Agree with all these. Same happened to me and I understand the feeling. I don’t think you could have changed anything. Anyhow I decided I would be extra sure to stop meds after that just for my piece of mind. Good luck next time!

[Doodlebug23 in reply to BBHH1]

Thankyou x

[Twiglet2]

it won’t have made a difference lovely if it was negative by the Saturday that’s the way it was going anyways, one day of not taking meds couldn’t have done that and you already had a negative test after a postive so it was already declining. it takes a while for the HCG to drop in your urine once it’s stopped progressing so it wasn’t the meds.

I get the blaming yourself (I do it all the time) as at least then there’s someone to be mad at and an explanation but this was always going to be the outcome of this round and most likely the embryo wasn’t going to make it rather than anything to do with meds or conditions and defo nothing you did, but good news in all of this (I know sounds crazy to say ‘good’) is that implantation occurred so halfway there and with the right embryo hopefully next time it will stick xxxx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Twiglet2]

Thankyou! I really needed to hear this. You’ve said the same as a few others and it’s helping me so much. “This was always going to be the outcome of this round” is what I keep re-reading.

I am feeling so much less deflated after this (guilt I did something wrong aside) as like you say I got something! Something happened. 3 BFN in a row has been so soul destroying that this feels like a little glimmer of hope. All the things I did, even the old wives tales, I shall be repeating next transfer. They are adding in an HCG wash too hopefully I’ll get my BFP 🙏🏼 🌈 xx