Is there any hope?

[Joeysjourney]

Hi everyone. I'm on holiday at the moment 🏖 after a long year with unsuccessful treatment and while I'm trying not to think about next steps, you always do don't you?

42 years old, trying naturally for 7 years, 1 natural chemical, three egg collections (4 stims cycles if you include the cancelled one), 4 transfers of 5 embryos and still childless. All bfns.

I seem unable to get pregnant nevermind hold a pregnancy. I feel like I'm a rare case within rare cases and I'm the most infertile person after all these years trying. Even the chemical I experienced feels like it was never real.

I see lots of you finally get your bfp either through ivf or naturally and I'm delighted for you of course but excuse the language.....f*ck me, will I ever catch a break??

Just feeling like I can't believe I'm this age, this deep into ivf, and this not pregnant 😳

Not even sure what anyone can say or reassure. Just honestly feels utterly hopeless.

Anyway, quick update. I had an era 2 weeks ago so getting those results soon and will consider one more go with my own eggs, transfer my only 2bb frostie, move to donor or give up altogether - which is becoming more and more of a possibility, esp for my husband who has zero hope left and accepted life without kids

Also feeling a stupid level of guilt for all the eating and drinking I'm doing on holiday. If I did go for a collection I'm already sure it will flop cause of all the cocktails. It's a never ending guilt trip

Joey x

[Skittles11]

Honestly Joey, I really relate

Different circumstances of course but constant setbacks and lost all hope

I especially identify with being a rare case within rare case, this has happened to me several times e.g. getting no eggs at egg collection, the doctor for some reason felt he needed to tell me how this only happens in 1% of cases - like it was supposed to make me feel better.

And from thereon in I kept finding myself on the 'wrong' side of statistics

Sorry you are feeling down and trodden and feeling you won't catch a break.

I have seen a lot of posts lately where these much deserving ladies have caught naturally or caught through IVF and I am so happy for them but like you, it does bring feelings of when will it be my turn and then I feel guilty. I think it's only natural when you've been in this for such a long time and not knowing what your future brings.

All we have is hope and IVF must be the only service in the world that is selling hope?

Finally please tell yourself to STOP feeling guilty. We all need a break from this rollercoaster and you are on holiday and deserve to have some treats and let your hair down.

I really hope you have a nice time away xx

[Joeysjourney in reply to Skittles11]

Thanks for your reply. I know you've had major struggles too and we've spoken about being on the wrong side of the stats.

I've had that recently again after my hormones refused to down reg with buserelin for the era, we converted the next month to natural modified and my oestrogen was still out of control and I'd 7 follicles - apparently they'd never seen it before. My progesterone was also really low so maybe this might give me an answer??.

7 follicles is some going for my new amh eh? Weird wee body I have! Hope you're keeping the chin up, we are loving life outside of treatment but it's always on the mind. Xxx

[Fertilityjourney]

Firstly I would say lose the guilt, enjoy those cocktails and stuff your face! You are on a well deserved holiday so enjoy! If you decide to do another egg collection you can have a 3 month run up to eating healthily etc!

Just to give you abit of hope, I was 42 when I finally got pregnant after 5 years of trying, and 43 when I gave birth.

Like you I had a chemical pregnancy which was dreadful but someone on here said to me you CAN get pregnant so that is one hurdle overcome. That gave me a glimmer of hope…

Don’t know if you have looked at immune treatment before if you want to use your own eggs? Again a lovely lady on here recommended CRP clinic to me who help those who have failed IVF and miscarriages and I honestly think they were the missing piece I needed. I was feeling deflated and they gave me confidence again.

Whatever you and your husband decide will be the right decision for yo, but just wanted to throw in my two penneth… xx

[Joeysjourney in reply to Fertilityjourney]

Thank you souc your story really does give me hope and congrats on reaching the other side!!

Yes well I've been on steroids for the last few transfers, but never been tested. Dr said 20mg of predisilone should do it??

I've also had 2 scratches, sis scan and now era. Not sure there's much else I can do at this stage. I've thrown everything at it.xx

[Fertilityjourney in reply to Joeysjourney]

You’re doing so much. I did hydroxychloroquine rather than steroids - I think that’s because I had ME when younger…xx

[HedgehogMad]

I feel you - 7 embryos down and no pregnancy, we make "beautiful" embryos and two were confirmed euploid. Doctors don't know why it's not working. I also feel like the only person who is struggling with this. It's so s**t, I don't have any advice I'm afraid but please know it's okay to have these feelings, the amount of trauma we go through is insane and you are not alone, even if it feels everyone else in the world is getting lucky xxx

[Joeysjourney in reply to HedgehogMad]

So sorry you're going through this as well. Gosh we really are warriors. The trauma is REAL and yet we keep trying!

[Tnthketnf]

I think I posted something similar quite a few months back. Only I wasn't on a holiday 😊We ve interacted before and we a few similarities in our journeys minus the chemical pregnancy so I am officially the most infertile person I ever heard of.😁

I totally understand your husband I am feeling like this so often these days.

I have one embryo left after a last minute- last chance of oe before DE- cycle earlier in the year and getting ready to transfer soon. After this I know it's either DE or end of ivf and more likely the pursuit of parenthood altogether. I am dreading the moment I will have to decide.

I was very keen on DE I gave in for one more go on my eggs because of my husband. I postponed the transfer for work reasons and for those few months off treatment I kind of found myself a little bit. I wasn't obsessing on next steps, I wasn't monitoring body symptoms I was eating what I liked.i started to see that there is more to life than ivf.

I am still open to DE and every success story with DE makes me smile but sometimes I wonder maybe my lovely husband and I missed our chance.

Anyway you are not alone!

Please enjoy your holiday and your cocktails !

[Joeysjourney in reply to Tnthketnf]

Hello babes, thanks for the reply. Yes we are in very similar boats! I'm open to de and my husband has always been keen but he's having 2nd thoughts now so not even sure we will try that route. Time will tell. I still have a hankering after my OE so might give it one more try

Life outside treatment is much happier isn't it! X

[Krystal_43]

🙋🏻‍♀️ still here after a brief hiatus from the platform. Eight embryos & 6 transfers in, always a BFN (including a recent DE transfer). Still technically unexplained. Still the rare case with the rare case. It sucks 🫤 but you may as well enjoy yourself on your holiday. Life’s too short. Sending lots of love ❤️

[Joeysjourney in reply to Krystal_43]

It really really sucks! Sending you love and so sorry you are also struggling! Why does it have to be so hard for us??? X

[Doodlebug23]

Have you considered a donor refund guarantee program? It’s taken some of the stress out of it for me. I’m just past 3 BFNs and about to start again with a new donor x

[Joeysjourney in reply to Doodlebug23]

Yes that's in my mind and if we go that route, I'll def be doing the guarantee programme as it takes some of the stress off xxx

Best of luck with your new donor, you are amazing xx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Joeysjourney]

Thankyou. Just praying my period comes on time. Otherwise I have to get all tests repeated. Good luck to you too. I don’t feel amazing!! X

[kayray87]

Hi Joey,

So sorry to hear about all you've gone through 😞 I would say a hundred percent treat yourself and have a bit of guilt free down time ❤️

100% feel the same as you, you're not alone. I've had three retrievals (plus two cancelled cycles) and despite 8-12 eggs retrieved we've never managed to get an embryo to transfer so are now moving on to donor egg. This is at aged 35 so I feel like a complete and utter failure 😞 It's just the most cruel process ever. Sending lots of love xxx

[Kimbob82]

Hi there, I just wanted to empathise to feeling like you're on the wrong side of the statistics! It's so heartbreaking. We did 15 embryo transfers without success. (1 miscarriage, 3 chemical pregnancies) Have never fallen pregnant naturally after nearly 7 years of trying. I'm turning 41 next week so can understand the age thing also. We decided to move onto surrogacy this year as we have never had any problem creating healthy embryos. (We've transferred over 20 high quality embryos to my body) Anyway surro fell on the first transfer and is 17 weeks tomorrow. For whatever reason my body can not carry a pregnancy and I had to let go of that. I really hope you have success soon. 🌸