Life journeys and what I have learned

I have been thinking about closing my profile here for a long time now, and I think it is finally time. I wanted to make a last post though, as a closure for me and hoping it might help someone. My journey to try to get pregnant started 7.5 years ago. My son was born in Dec 19. It wasn't the longest or hardest, and definitely it brought him, but it totally broke me to pieces at times, it almost broke my marriage, it was the worst thing emotionally I have had to go through so far and it has left a significant scar not fully healed yet. We managed to produce 3 frozen eggs genetically fine, the first became my son. Two still remain frozen; at first we thought we would use them all, but life takes unexpected turns and we haven't been able to use them and have taken the decision not to do it, which is painful: I have mourned and still do about not using them, but I have also learned so many things during this time.

I have learned I was right: I wanted to become a mother because I needed it. I remember hearing: "oh come on, just be happy, if kids don't come that is still fine, accept it and enjoy". Some people don't want/need to, but for those who do and need to do, we will fight with all our strength until we win or lose the battle, but we DO need to fight.

There are many ways of becoming a parent. For us, the successful round was going to be the last. We had already gone to a few adoption meetings and decided that if IVF didn't work, we will go for adoption. Now that we have decided no more IVF and not using the two frozen eggs (gosh it hurts to write this sentence 😣), I have the dream of becoming a foster family to some kid. I am happy as we are, but if we can do it, I will do everything that is in my hand. I feel there are many ways of becoming a parent and you might want to explore them, as different ones might be your way of giving the infinite motherly love you have inside. I hope this list doesn't offend anyone, but I have learnt all these are ways that can bring the happy life journey different people look for: IVF, donor eggs/sperm, fostering, adopting, being an aunt/uncle, having pups, volunteering with kids that need you...

Don't make your partner/family your enemy... I did this because I was so frustrated, plus he wasn't the best at understanding my emotional needs. That has left a scar so difficult to heal that we are still dealing with.

They were also wrong when they said "oh just relax it will happen". We went through all kind of tests and nobody was able to tell us what was " wrong" with us. For years, before and after my pregnancy, we haven't used any contraceptive methods and it just hasn't happened and I am 40 now. Don't let them make you feel guilty because you are nervous: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Don't be embarrassed to talk about this. Soooo many people with difficult journeys trying to become a parent when you openly talk about it!!! Personally, it helped me a lot talking about it and I am very open about how we conceived our son.

I am not less of a woman/mother for needing "support" to conveive. Of course I envy people that could even plan the month the would get pregnant naturally, but not that much now, I know I have gained other things, I feel wiser and more empathetic. It has been difficult (hell at times) but I have learned things and value things I wouldn't if it wasn't for this journey. I am sure I am a better me because of this.

Life is always worth it a we really don't know what will happen tomorrow. If some window closes: look for new ones with an open mind. If there is a voice telling you to become a parent, don't shut it: fight for it armed with hope and selflove. Life takes unexpected turns and it might not be the life journey you expected, but it can be the happy one for you.

Love you all

Angela

[Jomo27]

thank you Angela, it does really help to have people like you on this site to tell their stories and share life experiences so thank you for that, it’s a shame your going (but totally get it) as you could help so many others with your life’s journey, as I think having a realistic view on things is so helpful too and not losing that hope that we all cling too 💛💗 xx

[Cridog]

Thank you so much for sharing about your journey, Angela. My heart really aches for you. This is a heartbreaking journey, and you feel going from so much hope to absolute despair. I know how you feel about not using the eggs, and the mourning that comes with it. I mourned desperately when the embryologist told us that one of the embryo wasn't frozen (didn't develop enough by day 6) and it was discarded. I was carrying the fresh embryo (which failed too) and felt so guilty for mourning for one that was discarded and not being able to feel joy for the one I was carrying (and now blaming that it was my stress that make lose the fresh one too). This journey is hell, but, indeed, I feel I need to fight for the frozen embryo we still have - and move on self-funded to another clinic (the current clinic was total chaos and very unsympathetic with our needs).

I hope from all my heart that you find joy and happiness and peace. And thank you so much for sharing about your journey. Sending you all my love xxx

[Wishing2023]

Thank you so much for sharing your story… so honest & the reality of this long difficult journey. Take care & I hope you find some kind of peace x

[Corchi]

beautiful ❤️❤️❤️

[Millbanks]

Such a lovely way to close your journey. Wishing you lots of luck if you do go down the fostering route. A friend of mine has just adopted a little girl (after a loooooong journey) and her foster parents were absolutely amazing - they remain close and in contact ❤️

xx

[slinky00]

Thanks for this post, so many things you say and been through is so relatable. I have also been on the journey for over 7 years and I'm at a stage where I just want this phase to end but the desire to be a mother is just so strong and despite all the other things, I do have in life this still consumes me. I am better at not allowing it to take over everything, but I can honestly say that not one day has passed in all the 7 years and before when I was unaware of my issues that I have thought about motherhood and NEEDING it every single day.

Thank you

[Hidden]

I wish with all my heart that you can hug your son/daughter soon. This journey is draining...The Japanese idea of a universal energy, reiki, says that if you want something sincerely, some way or another the universe will bring it to you. I know it sounds naive but when nothing else worked, I wanted to believe in this and it helped me.

Xxx

[Lamagarden]

Thank you for sharing xx