Hi all

[Shellimu]

Hi all,

I've just come back after a failed IVF attempt after so many other attempts over 6 years. I'm broken and my sister has just announced her pregnancy.

I'm really struggling and have come here for support.

My husband says we should try again - and part of me wants to - but the other part of me is scared and is considering if we do it would be the last time.

He can't bear to see me so miserable as I can't be around other pregnancies right now and they seem to be everywhere.

I don't know what to do

[Habibi87]

Hi Shellimu, I am so sorry to hear of your pain. I really understand how you feel as my sister told me she was pregnant the day we found out that our FET hadn’t worked again. In our case, we decided to try again but took a small break first (it ended up being 3 months) and we were finally lucky (37 weeks pregnant at the moment 💕). Sending you love, luck and strength xx

[Hoping20]

Hello, so sorry to hear about your recent failed attempt.

Things will be raw and hard for you right now, so try to take some time out to process this latest hurdle. Be extra kind to yourself.

With your sister announcing her pregnancy also, this is a doubly difficult time for you which is why you should put yourself first right now.

Decisions about your next steps will come, but for now please look after you and seek some support where you can❤️

[AuroraXen]

This is just the worst. Although I know you'll be happy for your sister in time, right now it will feel like a double blow. That's completely to be expected. When these announcements come amidst your own awful sad times, it just slays you. I remember a few years ago when we just weren't getting anywhere with TTC, twice I'd organised these big successful workshops as part of my job, and had worked really hard, way beyond what I should have had to manage, felt really proud of myself for what I'd achieved professionally, etc. And both times, at the end of those events I'd received text messages from cousins to announce a surprise pregnancy and then the second time, the safe arrival of a baby. And each time, all the self-worth I'd allowed myself to feel at the end of those days just vanished, drained completely away. All I could focus on was my failure in the reproductive space. I felt like a huge failure in life generally, and that nothing I achieved mattered.

All I can say is that right now the pain is the worst it will be, and it WILL get a bit easier as you process your own sadness and grief for this attempt and hopefully regroup to focus all your positivity on your next steps, whenever and whatever they may be. I know it sounds trite but take time for yourself, be kind to yourself. If you need to distance yourself a bit from your sister's announcement right now, you have every right to do that. All I'd say is, in the midst of all this, don't forget that you bring a lot to the world and to those around you, whether a mother-to-be or a mother or not. Never forget your own worth, despite the testing times you are being put through xx

[Christianbaby]

Hi Shellimu. I think you need to see a therapist. It will help you overcome your anxiety. Having losses in a span of 6 years is not easy. And it's perfectly understandable that you would feel bad upon seeing all the pregnancies around you, especially your sister. Take care of yourself now.