update: *BFP* but not like in the movies

[Annbiel]

I've had a bfp since 4DP5DT, confirmed with positive Beta last Thursday and congratulations from the clinic. This is the furthest I've got on my 3-year journey. I'm currently waiting for the scan next Monday.

Last month, I had a biochemical though and I'm just so anxious about it sticking... every time i go to the toilet I'm worried. Will this anxiety go away? I was reflecting upon this journey and how it kind of steals the joy from 'getting pregnant'. 3 years ago I had a plan how I would surprise my husband with the happy news etc like in the movies... but instead we're just tip toeing around the message trying to be 'cautiously optimistic' and not letting ourselves be happy about it 'in case' if tomorrow something changes. Any word of advice? xxx

[Kittykat198]

I’m sorry you have this anxiety. I think it’s very normal sadly. I still tell people I’m hopefully having a baby and I’m due to be induced in 10 weeks.

The only thing I did and still do is focus on getting through each day/ week at a time and distractions. I also had milestones in my head: viability scan, then 12 week scan, then 16 weeks etc etc

I went on holiday. I rearranged all my kitchen cupboards and became weirdly obsessed with a podcast that I listened to 100 odd episodes: anything that gets you through. X

[Rainbowretrieval]

I totally get it. I had an ectopic a couple of months back and instead of being joyful about the positive test like you think everyone would be, I had a feeling of dread that something wasn’t right and sadly that proved to be the case for me. However I had some signs, like bleeding etc. If you’ve no red flags like that then try to stay in a positive mindset unless someone medical tells you otherwise. I think it’s self preservation to think the worst and it’s a bonus if things work out ok, everyone on the forum probably feels this way and looks how many people are on here, you aren’t alone xxx Wishing you all the very best for your scan xxx

[Hidden]

Congratulations on your BFP, I am afraid you have described very much the 'norm' after IVF, and probably a bit to do with this forum as well because most people on here have either had infertility or loss or both so we are programmed that its the 'norm' and we sort of can't believe we will be lucky enough to actually have a child.

I remember going pram shopping at 24 weeks and thinking it was too early and there were couples there without a sign of a bump buying stuff! So confident that all will be well! I have spent this whole pregnancy too anxious to enjoy it, if anyone asks me how I am I say 'still pregnant for now', and I seem to caveat every statement with 'if things go ok and we are lucky we will have a baby in x weeks' - I could never take it for granted.

Like Kittykat I just had to plod through each milestone, which temporarily eased my anxiety for a day or two and then I was onto the next worry. At about 28 weeks my midwife said that I needed to go and buy a babygro and accept that I was pregnant and I should be enjoying it as (in my case) it will never happen again. That plus some counselling kind of gave me a kick to embrace my bump a bit but even now with only a few weeks to go I still fear the worst daily! Just do all the right things and keep focusing on the next milestone and you will be grand x

[Twiglet2]

this was me and I am afraid it didn’t just ‘go away’ however it did ease as the days and weeks went on and I found private scans between nhs ones calmed my nerves for a few weeks at a time. I didn’t tell close family until 10 weeks and then went ‘public’ at 16 weeks but it wasn’t until nearly 30 weeks I could even start to buy things and finally started to believe it was happening! I was bleeding until 10 weeks too which didn’t help at all 🤪

One thing I would say though that ‘movie’ version of a BFP not happening doesn’t make one bit of difference in the long run … but it does suck that we can’t be like one of the tik tok videos! I do remind myself that in my opinion we have a ‘better’ story to tell though as we might not have had that ‘surprise then pure delight’ moment of peeing on a stick but we have the long journey before the BFP that shows what it means to us to even get that far! So of course it’s gonna feel different and scary and all we can do is take one day at a time 🤗

Best of luck to you and willing this little one to go all the way for you and your husband 🤗💜⭐️ xx

[Emilye92x]

Hi Annbiel,Firstly huge congrats on your bfp!!

I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant following a biochemical pregnancy and honestly your post couldn't have summed up more perfectly how I felt this time round too.

I think unfortunately pregnancy after loss is renowned for being tricky to accept, especially when you've needed to go to such measures as IVF to get there. It's a crazy emotional roller coaster!!

Even now with my very wriggly bump I still have 'but what if' moments. Give yourself some grace allow yourself to be happy and excited in the moments that you are and just take it step by step!

All the luck in the world for your pregnancy, do know you're not alone in your feelings and if you ever need to chat there's plenty of us around here to listen and support you 💕 xx

[Countrychic]

Congratulations, lovey news. I think everyone who has got a BFP from IVF feels this way. I used to obsessively check a miscarriage probability chart to see the risk reducing day by day. Even in labour, I thought it was some cosmic joke and that something would go terribly wrong. News flash. It didn’t! Statistically, things are more likely to turn out well than not 😊 Try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy (easier said that done and I certainly didn’t). Wishing you a happy, healthy and stress free pregnancy xxx