Broken but will continue

[Applepie7]

I had my egg collection yesterday after doing short protocol and ICSI first time on this protocol I have always done long protocol and IVF.

Spoke to the Embryologist just now and out of 10 eggs collected only 1 made it still need to wait until Monday to see how far it gets. Im utterly and completely devesated. I can't even cry but have a heavy heart and a lump in my throat out of sheer sadness. I gave this cycle everything. I don't know where to turn to except here! Consultant said its egg quality due to my age (44). My head is ready to close this chapter but my heart isnt even though this was my 5th cycle previously had 3 IUI's. Im ready to start DE being south Asian there is no hope to get a sout Asian donor. Im thinking Spanish or Greek donor eggs dark hair and olive skin would be the closest match in terms of characteristics but happy to hear your thoughts and also if you can PM the clinics you would recommend in London or abroad for DE. Its time to move on and forget about my own eggs . Thank you everyone . Who would've have thought Mother Nature would be so unkind.

[Koala365]

I am so sorry to hear this and I hate the fact they blame everything on old eggs because we are over 40. I assume yoi have already tried DHEA and other supplements and fertility diets andread It Starts With The Egg. If you are going to try donor eggs next do you have a younger sister or cousin who might be willing to be a donor or a friend of the same ethnicity? Alternatively are there any clinics in South East Asia you could go to? Wishing you all the very best with whatever you choose to do and a very happy ending xx

[Koala365]

Also just to say that I will pray that your one embie that is still in the game is successful xx

[Applepie7 in reply to Koala365]

Thank you so much unfortunately I dont have a sister or younger female cousins. I tried everything this cycle DHEA, meditarian diet, cQ10 etc. Follwed It starts with an egg religiously.

[Koala365 in reply to Applepie7]

It's so hard but you have done everything you could. It's such a tough journey especially when the doctors keep harping on about the age of eggs etc. I read somewhere that after a failed IVF cycle the majority of women experience loss of confidence, loss of self esteem and some also experienced depression and anxiety. That really hit me to know that what I was feeling was normal in this situation and amplified due to 4 failed stim cycles in a year. I think we need to be kind to ourselves, take the counselling sessions and any support offered at work if there is any. I am hopeful and praying for your one little embie and that it all works out for you xx

[Orangeflowers]

Hey, that one could still make it!! I've read similar stories of one making BFP before. It could be the best quality leading egg. Keep positive until Monday. I had IVF with 18 eggs, only 2 fertilised correctly, I was so disappointed, but both made blast. I'm 43, about to start my next cycle xx

[Applepie7 in reply to Orangeflowers]

Thank you. Im just so sad and broken and the tears are finally coming out this whole journey is so hard. I keep on trying each time hoping and praying this time its really got to me. Wish you all the best in your next cycle.

[Hidden]

oh lovely, I am so so sorry, I wish I could fix this all for you xx

[RDT144]

I’m so sorry to hear this, I wish I had something to say to make you feel better. I would only say that sometimes you have to go through the emotions and let yourself grieve. I’m hoping your little embryo makes it 🙌🏾

[Applepie7 in reply to RDT144]

Thank You

[puppylove73]

Hello Applepie7! I wish you will have a good news by Monday. Myself and my husband started IVF 5 years ago with my own eggs when I was 43; unfortunately it didn’t work. We were devastated. We really wanted to be parents and I feel there is so much love in our heart that we want to share and nurture our very own aside from nephews and nieces. We thought we’re done with our IVF journey. We looked into adoption but boy, the process isn’t easy and considering our age… The house was too quiet. Every other woman I see in town is pregnant and everytime my colleague announces a pregnancy, I would be genuinely happy but broken inside. We eventually got a dog who we love so much. But I’m still longing for a human baby. So at 48, I told my husband that we need to give one last try but opted for DE this time. He was reluctant at first but agreed to whatever would make me happy. I am Asian myself. The first and 2nd Asian donors didn’t pass the screening test. I can’t wait for another 6 months or so to match with another Asian donor. I decided that any nationality will be good enough. I want to be a mother by all means. My husband is Irish and it’s his sperm which we used. Our egg donor is from Cyprus. I am pregnant with twins and they are obviously Caucasians. But who cares? They are my babies; I’m their mother. They are mine. ☺️ Sorry for the long post. 😬🤪

[Applepie7 in reply to puppylove73]

Omg this is amazing congratulations.Thank you gor reaching out and sharing your story probably first time i have smiled since Sat. Im so worried dreading the call on Monday but if it all fails I will go down the DE route. I know finding an Asian DE will be like finding a needle in a haystack and the logistics to travel to a south Asian country may be challenging. Iam looking at some clincs in Greece and Spain but if you don't mind please will you PM the clinic you used and how long the process took. Thank you again for reaching out and I wish you the best in your journey. Xx

[puppylove73 in reply to Applepie7]

Thank you, Applepie! Pm sent. Best of luck to you too. Xxx

[HollyT7]

This one could be the one, keep the faith lovely, you never know what's in store for your little embie xxx

[Applepie7 in reply to HollyT7]

Thanks had a call today they are still culturing the Embroy to day 5 ( Wed) so more waiting!

[anonmous23]

Hi Hun So sorry to read this

Would you mpt consider doing DE? It will give you more of a chance. I tried with my own and nothings happening my next step has also been DE. Not gonna keep putting my body through collection for my own eggs as its always been a disappointment. Don't give up I would say gpr for DE of you can. Xxx

[R1985]

Hi there, so sorry to hear what you have gone through but there is still hope with the one you have so hang on to it. I am also south Asian having gone through 4 failed IVFs we have decide the DE route and agree about finding a south Asian donor would be very difficult in Europe. I can send you a couple of clinics we have shortlisted in Spain if you like?

[Applepie7 in reply to R1985]

Thank you so much I would really appreciate that x

[Anim88]

I'm so sorry for all you're going through. The clinic I'm visiting next month for IVF is called Dunya IVF in cyprus, and apparently they also offer anonymous DE (I hadn't realized other places don't offer this). Maybe look into it a little? Hope this helps!!xx