Complete newb - tips needed on preparing to start my fertility journey

[HopefulSussex]

Hi everyone

I've spent some time combing through the posts here and just wanted to say hello really, as I'm completely new to all this fertility stuff...!

My husband and I have been trying for 2.5 years and recently tried to get our 2-year NHS referral for fertility treatment. I was then advised that my BMI had to be at 29.9 before I could even be seen / commence tests. I'm at a BMI of about 34 at the moment and I know that weight takes a long time to come off, and then there's the NHS waitlist... I could be looking at 2-3 years before we can even get started.

Time isn't on my side so we decided to go private. We are starting our initial tests next week and I'm feeling hopeful, but very unprepared and nervous!

I know that everyone has a very different journey, but I wanted to know, what advice would you give to yourself if you were to start all this over again? What are the main things I should be looking out for? As a complete newb I really know nothing, and there are so many stories out there, with everyone at different stages that it's hard to know where to begin!

Anyway, thanks for reading xxx

[Redsequin]

Hi there and welcome ☺️. That's a great question! Here are my thoughts after 2 IVF rounds:

1. I wish I'd been more prepared for some of the insane things people would say. I've literally had friends/family tell me I should be enjoying IVF as it's my conception process/I should be grateful I don't have cancer instead/that I can't get pregnant because someone's given me the evil eye /that I've "attracted" infertility by thinking about it too much/am I worried my husband will leave me?

Honestly, you can't make this stuff up. 😂

I used to be furious for days, but what I've learned is you can't control what other people say or how other people behave—only how you react. When people say weird stuff to you have a choice: you can correct them (and I do if it's a close friend) or you can shut the conversation down. The most important thing is to realize people mostly don't mean to hurt you, they're just carelessly thinking out loud, and dwelling on it only causes you harm, not them. Nowadays I'm much better at just rolling my eyes.

2. If something goes wrong: I can almost guarantee it won't have been your fault. There's so much blaming and shaming around infertility, and so many people outside of the infertility community try to basically tell me I can will a baby into existence with positive thinking, meditation, and expensive supplements 😂. But while yes, a healthy diet, vitamins, and feeling positive are great, I believe it's the protocol you're on that makes the difference in the end.

[HopefulSussex in reply to Redsequin]

Hi there -thanks so much for answering. I can't believe what some people say, honestly. I've been told by a 'close friend' that I've always been a 'career woman' and maybe I've left it too late / what did I expect? (I'm 36). I should add that she got pregnant the first time of trying, so yeah....!

Anyway, I really appreciate your thoughts on this. I am definitely getting better at rolling my eyes too! 🙄😂

I hope everything works out for you on your journey ❤️

[KateBrian]

Hi - You might be interested in our Fertility Network UK webinar on Preparing for Treatment on April 4 with Professor Tim Child from Oxford Fertility. He'll be talking about what you can do before your treatment starts and answering your questions - see here us02web.zoom.us/webinar/reg...

[HopefulSussex in reply to KateBrian]

Thanks Kate. I would be keen to join this. The 4th is my father in-law's birthday but I'm not sure what our plans are yet. I will work this out and join if at all possible! Thank you 🙂

[Positivechangeplease]

Hey! Welcome 🤗 if you can I would start to lose weight as I think it really can help. I had a failed frozen embryo transfer so after that I decided to throw the book at my next one. I went carb low and lost a few kgs I cut out caffeine (I think this is way more important than alcohol tbh) I went for acupuncture (which you may want to wait to do) and switched pregnacare for a multi vitamin that had naturally occurring folic acid in - which you should already be taking but if not I’d suggest you seek this out. FYI that was knowing that nothing bad was found with my fertility as we had a male factor issue.

That’s a lot, so I would suggest trying something to get your weight down in the first instance where they’re doing tests. It can certainly help egg quality when you’re getting older. And try the naturally occurring folic acid as first points of call. In terms of the tests, they’ll start with a sperm test most likely for your partner and a scan for you to check you’re ovulating perhaps. But don’t worry they’ll talk you through all the steps. I went through it in a completely naive way and found it less stressful than knowing more than the next step each time. Hope it’s the start of a great journey for you.

[HopefulSussex in reply to Positivechangeplease]

Hello, thanks so much for replying! Yes, I have lost 7lbs recently and hope to lose more. It is slowing down though! Exercise 3 times a week and try to generally stay active - lots of walking!

Also I'm taking Wellwoman Conception which I think is largely the same thing as Pregnacare, although correct me if I'm wrong!

Husband has low motility but I haven't got the results from our first tests yet. My cycle is regular though, so I'll wait to see if there is anything further going on for me.

Thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it, and I hope everything goes well for your upcoming arrival 🙂

[Positivechangeplease in reply to HopefulSussex]

Brilliant! 7lbs is loads and it will slow down but I think just being more conscious of healthy eating is good too. I don’t know about well woman but pregnacare is not naturally occurring folic acid which is why I switched. It won’t affect everyone but it’s just I see more and more that it can interfere with fertility. My partners sperm was a bit all over the place but he was advised to do exercise and take wellman - and he started running and he did see an improvement. And then I read that testosterone has a big effect on how good sperm does - which makes sense with the exercise. As well as that walnuts are especially good for sperm (I think motility) good luck 🤞 x

[Bozo_the_pumpkin]

Hello , welcome to the journey. My main things I wish I knew forlorn the beginning is.. cut out caffeine.. coke, tea, coffee etc. Go totally decaf. Sugar is not good either. Definitely read the book .. It starts with the egg and follow the diet (meaning way of eating). Lowering your BMI is a biggy too.. once you’re on the IVF journey, you cannot exercise as hard or diet as hard to lose the pounds as a big loss of weight through a your hormones out of balance.. so the big chance is before you start.Go chemical free as much as you can… I stopped using plastic in the kitchen especially in the microwave and changed my lunch boxes to glass. Also went with natural cosmetics, shampoos etc.

Hope it helps

[HopefulSussex in reply to Bozo_the_pumpkin]

Hello - thanks so much for this. I didn't realise caffeine was such a problem! I'm not into sugary things (sweets, fizzy drinks etc) and generally follow a high protein diet so I think this is the right thing to be doing, but I will check out the book too - thank you so much! xx