If you could go back to the start of your first IVF, what advice would you give to yourself? What do you wish you’d known back then? I’m gonna start injections in a weeks time and I’m a bit scared. I have stage 4 Endometriosis and big ovarian cysts. I’m 37 and I have a loving partner, but not a family around. Any tips or sound advice from someone who’s been here and done that would be highly appreciated!
Merry Christmas x
Hello.
My advice would be:
- Don't compare your outcomes to other people's. Their situation is not the same as yours.
- Don't make assumptions at any stage of your treatment about how things will pan out.
- Try and keep busy and have some nice things to do during treatment and in 2 week wait.
- Don't worry about the practical side, injections etc.
- Find someone you can talk to about what you're going through. A trusted friend or your partner. This forum is also fantastic for support and true understanding.
I could go on but don't want to end up writing an essay. Good question though xx
Mine would be
Don’t worry about the injections, they’re not bad at all
Take each step at a time, try not to look too far ahead as it can feel overwhelming
Don’t Google and obsess over statistics. You’re not a statistic!
Don’t compare yourself to others
Don’t expect people who’ve not experienced IVF to understand what you’re going through. They can listen but they really have no idea how physically and emotionally challenging it can be at times
Choose who you tell carefully. It’s a privilege to those whom you choose to tell your story to. I found the fewer people who knew the better as otherwise you have to manage other peoples expectations and sometimes it’s just too exhausting to do that.
Keep taking to your partner about how you feel. Communication is key. Don’t assume anything!
Trust your body
Don’t stress about feeling stressed!
Take care of you (and your partner)
All the best with your ivf xx
If i could go back i would1. I would not test before my official test date.2. Ask more questions even if (some) nurses get annoyed with me not understanding. I'm paying for a service after all!
3. Not stress about getting stressed and feeling like its ruined my chances. Its ivf.. im bound to be stressed.
4. Not share with too many people about starting ivf. Not all understood the journey and some asked questions at times i wasn't ready to answer at the time.
5. Taken time off work to be stress free, my deadlines made me feel pressured.
Will be keeping all this in mind for my next cycle. All the best x
Also i found this forum extremely useful as i asked every important or any embarrassing or stupid question and easily gained peace of mind from the lovely people who had been through the process or were going through the process on here.
Healthy food, vitamins, long sleeps, acupuncture, daily walks in nature with nice music on. Wishing you all the best! xxx
Thank you! Can you tell me a bit more about your experience with acupuncture please? Did you find it particularly helpful in IVF?
I started 3 months before IVF having one session every 10 days and every week closer to pick up. I had my BFP on first try but unfortunately I miscarried later. I also have 3 frozen blastocysts so for me it was helpful, it also helped me to relax, digest, helped with the fluids following the fresh cycle. x
I agree with all the advice the lovely ladies on this forum have given you, but if you need any more specific advice or have any questions about doing IVF with endometriosis please feel free to PM me. I am 37 too and suffer from severe endometriosis too and had endometriomas on both ovaries when I did IVF. I highly recommend acupuncture! It helped with my endo pain and it helped me mentally too -it made me feel so relaxed! Be kind to yourself and think of yourself and your partner first. I won't lie, IVF is a rollercoaster with all its ups and downs, so surround yourself around the people who love you and make you feel well. All the best xx
I'm not sure whether to write this or not because it may appear insensitive or inappropriate as it's the beginning of your journey. But what I am currently feeling is turmoil, depression, constant crying, confusion, helplessness and overwhelming guilt. I wish someone had mentioned that I could possibly be feeling this way when I first started ivf in 2019. I'm not sure I would have really listened or paid any attention though as like many others, my years of miscarriages and infertility had me focused on getting as many embryos as I could so I could have a greater chance of conceiving. This is natural and understandable and exactly how I felt at the start. However I'm now at the end of my journey and I've been so very very lucky. I 've been beyond blessed because I have what I know so many dream they had and I don't for a second take that for granted. I understand completely how fortunate I am and how many would give anything to be in my position. But, I speak out of duty for want of a better word because what I'm feeling is rarely ever discussed and I wish to god that someone had mentioned it at the start of my journey. Warned me of the sleepless nights and tears that I'd shed at the thought of what I should do. I have my two precious miracle ivf babies. I did one retrieval and was beyond blessed to have 6 pgs normal embryos. My first failed, my next two resulted in my 16 month old daughter and 7 week old son. But now I have this gut wrenching dilemma. What to do with my remaining 3 embryos? I don't want to appear in any way at all ungrateful and I don't want to hurt anyone here so please forgive me if this causes any pain. But the poster asked what they wish someone had told them at the start and I wish someone had told me of the guilt I'd be feeling for those precious babies I have in the freezer. I can't financially or logistically have another 3 babies as much as I wish I could. And the options available are unthinkable. The one option I had really held out hope for, donating my babies to another couple/singleton who has been through the turmoil that is infertility has been taken away from us because apparently I was too old at 38, when my eggs were retrieved to be a potential donor of my precious embryos. It's gut wrenching and wrong that they are to be discarded and deprived of life when there is nothing wrong with them! I won't go on any further as the tears are flowing again and I don't want to upset anyone here. I just wish my clinic had taken the time to prepare us emotionally for the aftermath. The guilt is real and I feel like this journey and the pain I felt at the start has come full circle in a cruel way. I don't for a second forget how lucky and beyond grateful I am for my children. I just wish they all got a chance at life and a chance to make another family happy. Wishing for as many embryos as possible is understandable and.I myself was guilty of this at the start but please remember it can also have its drawbacks. I wish you all the very best on your journey and that everyone reading knows that this was written out of love and concern. 💕
Sending hugs. I see you’ve just had a baby a few weeks ago, a million congratulations 🤗 I remember my hormones were all over the place at this point, perhaps leave the embryos frozen for a while longer before deciding what to do with them and enjoy your little miracle for now 💕? Can you talk to your health visitor about your mood perhaps? If you are crying a lot that can be a sign of PND my lovely and even is IVFers as re not immune to that! There should also be counselling available form your clinic that might be able to help specifically with the embryo situation. Hoping you feel better soon 🥺 xx
Well you found the most helpful tip I could give already-this forum!! But here’s a few more I wish I’d known:
-Don’t blame yourself (for anything! Needing IVF, IVF not working etc.) it REALLY isn’t anyone’s fault and all a game of chance-don’t get caught up trying to live a perfect healthy life according to fertility books. Mental health is more important in my experience than worrying about your cutlery, shampoo and dinner
-its okay to be angry, upset, sad sometimes it’s perfectly natural, be selfish during these times and do what’s right for you
-ask your clinic as many questions as you need to. It’s their job to make sure you know exactly what’s happening
- it’s good to have hope, what ifs and timings etc but don’t put your life on hold for IVF as for some it can be a long journey
Wishing you a smooth ride 🤗😘 xx
You and your partner are a team, it's not just you going through ivf but both of you. You need to stay healthy, but so does your partner. If you are eating well, your partner should be doing so as well, if you aren't drinking or smoking then your partner shouldn't either (especially if providing sperm), if you are taking vitamins then so should your partner. Yes you are going to have to have the injections but allow your partner to be part of the process (my partner sat with me through all of mine even if he hates needles!). Share all the information you find, they need to feel part of it too.
I take your point around sperm but I think the partner ‘shouldn’t’ thing is a personal one in each relationship perhaps. Letting go of this expectation actually helped me and our journey together. There was no point in then making unnecessary sacrifices, what I needed was their emotional support (and vice versa) and if they were happy that was easier. When we finally fell pregnant I certainly didn’t expect them to give up those things either. Especially in the covid circumstances where everything is so limited already at times but like I say I know that’s also a personal choice some couples do make. They do owe me one now though 🤣 xx
I am sorry you are feeling this way. Going through IVF certainly is life-changing and harrowing but you should not feel all these negative feelings at this stage of your journey. I would strongly advise you to see a counsellor who will be able to help you deal with all those emotions. I hope you can soon focus on the good and let go of the rest to enjoy life beyond IVF. Xx
Hi there
The things I wish I knew at the beginning were
1) Not putting my hopes in one cycle working but being prepared to fail more than once to get that miracle baby
2) Purchasing a multi cycle package sooner
3) Being aware and researching all the available finance options before commencing IVF as it is very expensive if you are paying for it yourself
4) Researching and consulting with more than one clinic sooner. While it cost me more in time and money, it was well worth it to compare and contrast the approach of different clinics and go with one that I was completely satisfied with
5) Not comparing outcomes with that of others as it can be disheartening not to produce many eggs or embryos but your journey is your own and remembering that only one embryo can result in a precious baby
6) Not assuming that every cycle will end up exactly the same even if the protocol is the same. So being prepared for rounds not going to plan. They say IVF can go rogue sometimes
7) Be prepared to go against a consultant’s advice and trusting your instincts. After my first round failed, that was when I realised that IVF protocols and approaches can differ from one hospital to another and that you can negotiate a tweak in your plan if it makes sense to you.
All the best with your upcoming cycle! 🙏🏾
I would be mindful of who you chose to tell. At the time it might feel like you want to share it with the world, but you’ll also have to tell the world the result. I told one other person and I’m so glad that I did. Not even family knew, just a friend who had been through it herself. My first cycle resulted in a chemical. The thought of people asking for news and having to explain that would’ve been unbearable. I could at least let those close to me know in my own time.
Also, hard as it is, don’t compare yourself to others. I took it really badly when I saw people complaining they’d ‘only’ got 17 eggs. I didn’t get anything like that number and it made me feel awful. Going into my next round I’m not going to take any notice of other peoples numbers. They make no difference to my journey.
Good luck with your treatment x
This is such a great question! I wish I'd asked this myself before I started. I totally agree with most of the advice given on here 😊
For me, I went into IVF thinking it was going to be our saviour, and even though I knew it would maybe not happen straight away, I thought it would definitely work. I now realise that not everyone has their happy ending, and that was a very hard lesson to learn, but I also learned that there are options I'd never even heard of, like donor eggs, or adopting embryos, so there is always something new that you can try.
I also secretly had the hope, as everyone does, that the first round would be successful. I really hope that's what happens for you! 🤞🏻💕
I now understand that it ofen comes down to trial and error, with the clinic trying different things to see what works for you and your body. Sometimes it's just a numbers game - you have a chance of it working every round, so you keep going until it does (or until the money runs out).
I wish I'd known that every small part of the cycle needs to be counted as a win. There's a lot that can go wrong so I found it helpful to focus on each stage of the process rather than just expecting to get a few embryos or even a baby at the end of it. For example, I was relieved that the down regulation worked, then the lining has thickened nicely, then I have a few follicles, then after egg collection I got a few eggs, then a couple of the eggs fertilised etc.
I also didn't realise that different clinics/consultants have their preferred way of doing things. I like my consultant and my clinic, but they won't try anything radically different with me. They have a method that they feel works, and they want to use that same method, with only slight variations, every time. After my failed 3rd round my consultant actually told me to go to a new clinic if my 4th round doesn't work! The only reason we're staying at the current clinic is that there was an improvement on the 3rd round, so it's worth another shot.
Finally, I totally agree with the advice to not focus too much on living the perfect, healthy lifestyle, or feel guilty if you don't. You only live once, and IVF can be a long and difficult process, so you deserve some treats every now and then. A weekly glass of wine or bar of chocolate isn't going to affect the result and you need to feel good mentally too.
I can't thank the people on this forum enough for their support, advice and friendship so please do use this group as they can feel like a lifesaver at times. You'll learn more from this forum than anywhere else in my experience.
I wish you the very best of luck! 🍀💗 Keep us updated with how you get on! xx
Thank you so much!
So many good tips above. It’s hard to predict how you will feel physically and emotionally and that might vary with each cycle especially after embryo transfer. Expect it to be a rollercoaster and a marathon rather than a sprint. I didn’t personally do this but I am would imagine keeping a diary helps some people as does accessing fertility counselling. Wishing you good luck for your cycle x
Hi, I don’t post often but wanted to respond as I think it is a really good question and made me think about what I would like to tell my starting IVF self 2 years ago.
I agree with many of the points given and would say my top few things to remember would be:
1) Take up the free counselling if rounds don’t go to plan, even if you think you don’t need it as it can give you some perspective and reflection on what has happened, helping you move forward
2) Tell a small number of people. I told a friend I’m not that close to when I was in 2ww and when it failed and I hadn’t contacted her she messaged asking me the result. It made me feel that I had failed by having to tell her it hadn’t worked and having to do this multiple times, reliving the failure is hard.
3) Don’t expect your rounds (if you do more than one) to be the same/have the same outcomes as our bodies respond differently each time and outcomes can be based on multiple factors. I got very few eggs collected the first time and I expected that to always be the case, but it improved second time round and the outcome was different.
4) Don’t compare with others - my friend got 20+ eggs and 7 embryos from her one EC so I expected to get something similar. When I got 3 eggs with one low grade embryo to transfer, I felt like it meant IVF was unlikely to work for me and I once again just felt like a failure
5) Use this forum, read, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Sometimes the nurses/doctors assume you understand the process when for you it is all new and communication is key. There are no stupid questions when going through the emotional and sometimes complex journey of IVF
I wish you luck in your journey and for that baby at the end of it Xx
Trust you doctor /clinic.Don't google a single thing!!!
Don't stress over numbers of eggs or embryos it only take one.
Know you might need more than one cycle for it to work.
Ah the beginning of IVF, I remember it well. I remember being scared and thinking I wanted my husband to jab me... He had a meeting at the time I needed to take my first one so I did it myself and I’m so happy I did! Afterward I couldn’t imagine having him do it to me lol! The needles don’t hurt, so I would probably try to tell myself that, but it’s one of those things you really need to experience to really know. As some other ladies mentioned, try not to give ppl too many details on when you’re having an embryo transfer, specifically, if it doesn’t take then you end up feeling like you’re letting them all down. Try not to let it consume you, I was constantly reading everything I could on what to eat and supplements to take and it was literally all I thought about. I now only think about infertility/IVF if I have a procedure/appointment otherwise I focus on doing the things I love and spending time with friends and family! Eating pineapples or drinking pomegranate juice won’t change the outcome so try to relax(trigger word, I know) and keep enjoying life because it can take many years and you don’t want to spend them consumed with thinking about IVF stuff! Good luck! ❤️
Great question!
1. Don’t test early. I guess this is a personal choice but for me this added huge levels of stress and a completely unnecessary additional burden. There is no “relief” in finding out early either way- both an early positive and an early negative bring huge levels of angst!
2. Don’t put additional pressure on yourself. If eating healthy and gentle daily exercise work for you, that’s great! If you want to eat takeaway every night and sofa slob then I personally don’t think that’s the difference between a successful or unsuccessful cycle. For me personally, it is most important you feel as comfortable day to day as possible. Do things that make you happy and offer comfort.
3. Try to step away from Google. As others have said, your experience is unique to you- you are not a statistic or something to compare against others.
4. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions- IVF is intense and you may feel excited, anxious, sad, angry. It’s all valid- remind yourself you are on a lot of hormones and going through something hugely intense and it’s ok to feel how you are feeling- tomorrow is a new day and your feelings will likely change.
5. Make sure you are comfortable with your clinic, that you trust them, and you feel like you are in “safe hands”. Speak up if you’re uncertain or unsure. Jot down questions that pop into your mind and take them to appointments- I found I always forgot what I wanted to ask when I was actually there!
6. I found the BFN podcast such a helpful resource. I found it didn’t help for me to try to “stop thinking” about IVF and “get on with things”, as IVF is all consuming, but found this a great informative podcast which offered so many perspectives, some lighthearted relief and allowed me to feel like I wasn’t alone and was part of a community rooting for me.
7. Expect delays and set backs. Things can take time unfortunately. I had a cyst that they found at a very initial baseline scan and I had to have testing on it and an induced bleed to “flush it out”. It delayed the process by about 6 weeks and I was devastated as I hadn’t expected it. Since then there have been other set backs etc. but I’ve felt more prepared and so have taken it better. If they don’t happen for you- that’s great! But if you prepare for delays and setbacks you’re less likely to be disappointed.
8. Again, another personal one, but think about finances and cost of IVF. I went privately and signed up for a multiple round and refund package with Access Fertility. I found it reassuring to know that if my first round failed I had options ahead and the finances were all sorted. As it happened my first round was successful so I ended up paying more for the package than I would have if I’d just paid for the one round, but I don’t regret it at all because it had given me huge peace of mind. I know this isn’t an option for everyone, but if it is, and if you think that would help give you peace of mind then I would definitely consider looking into it.
Wishing you all the best xx
No advice as we are about to start our first IVF cycle too but just wanted to say thank you for asking the question because all of these answers are fab and really helpful! 
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