Hey guys...
I’m Sorry for the long post but I want to get this all off my chest and out of my head😖
It’s been a while since I’ve checked in but today I wanted to share my rollercoaster of a week in hope of someone understanding or just hearing another opinion.
In short... at the very beginning of my TTC journey I was told both tubes were blocked, I underwent two laparoscopic surgeries to unblock them and told my left was too damaged but the right was unblocked.
Years passed by and still no BFP so our IVF journey started May 2019
Round one resulted in a miscarriage @7 weeks, consultant recommended NK cell testing and treatment before proceeding with round two which we did.
Our beautiful baby boy was delivered May 2020...
However.... our baby turned 1 this month and we couldn’t be happier or more content as a complete family.
Last Sunday I collapsed, I was in excruciating pain with cold sweats, vomiting & diahorrea which I presumed was food poisoning as I ate out on the Saturday for the first time in months.
Still sick on Tuesday morning it dawned on me that I have not had a period since 08/04 (almost 6 weeks) I did a HPT which was positive...two very dark lines appeared immediately 😲
I was Confused... happy... sad... all at once!!!!
Knowing my previous history within two hours of see a BFP I was on the phone to my local EPU explaining my concerns and also how unwell I had been previous days. I was told to come in immediately.
This was the worse scan I have ever experienced, laying there in complete silence, a second and third opinion was called in and still no communication with me.
Finally they dropped the bomb 💣 the baby was in my LEFT tube ( the one that was written off years ago) and this baby was a lot further along than my last cycle dates... atleast 10 weeks!!!!
They said I had already began to bleed internally and they had to remove this there and then 😲😵😖😭
I was admitted.... and within two hours of arriving the surgery took place removing baby and tube.
Apparently this was straight forward and no complications, my only request was they do a dye test on my right tube... this was also successful.
I have questionsssssss.........
I feel dizzy lost in my thoughts..........
Surprisingly I don’t feel super emotional as my friends and family have expected as they have been so aware of our journey and previous struggles.
Although I am upset about what has happened I can’t help think how glad I am that I was not emotionally attached to that pregnancy/baby and the news came and went all on the same day.
I’m just not sure how I’m feeling tbh....🥴 I’m grateful I have a very boisterous 1year old keeping me very busy and on my feet.
Finding it difficult to spk to my partner about this right now as I think his guilty conscience is not allowing him to speak about it.
Forgot to mention earlier when I took the test I showed him and he had a outburst... ‘we can’t have a 3rd child’ ‘we decided what we had was enough’....
My response was yes it was enough when we thought we would need IVF to continue getting pregnant... but if my body has miraculously began to work I couldn’t be happier.
Silence...... ever since on the topic.
But where do we go from here?
Do I allow nature to hopefully take its course again?
We haven’t used contraception for 14years, do I start now?
Ooooh I just don’t know!!!!!!!!!!
But thanks for reading or any advice/experience you may have. 😘
Feeling so sad. 
Reality check! Updated 
Am I wrong to go to fet feeling this way?
A little vent - first frozen cycle 
I’m back 👋 Low HCG beta trying for no.2
