*sensitive* The first trimester is worse agony than the 2WW for me 😩

[Belangalo]

I went if for my approximate 7 week viability scan on Monday...and the FS said that it was good news to tell me! Embabie was implanted in the right place and we have a good heartbeat! He said he put me between 6-7 weeks pregnant. Obviously this was overwhelming as we stared at that little flickering light on the screen! ❤❤❤❤❤

We were excited and our FS said today was a day for tears and happy hugs. Then reminded us that even at this point 20% of pregnancies will end in miscarriage. 😔Man, I am FULLY aware of how terribly fragile that little flickering light inside of me is! And I want it so desperately! I've never wanted anything more! And I know how far we have to go 😭 I've read sooooo much on google and heard all the heartbreaking stories...

For me, this waiting waiting in between scans and bloods as each day ticks by is agonising. How to I try to put these terrible thoughts out of my head to at least get through until my 10 week scan? I had my bloods taken on Monday and HCG is 56000 and progesterone is 51. I was told this is great and don't need progesterone support. So why am I so crippled by fear ALL THE DARN TIME? Hubby is scared too. He has decided to silently take care of me but never brings up the pregnancy unless he is reminding me that I shouldn't be doing something etc.

How do you ladies bear it? Do you have any hints and tricks to make the time pass faster? I thought the 2WW was bad...but this is so much worse because now I have what I so desperately wanted and I could lose it. 😟

[Cook7786]

Your brain will always run away with worst case scenario. I’m not sure if it’s an IvF thing or not, but I know exactly how you feel. I didn’t actually start to feel comfortable until the third trimester, I know that’s probably not what you want to hear! But when ever I was feeling extra anxious I would book a private scan and that would put my mind at rest for a week or two. I think we had six scans in total by the end.

You just have to remember that you are in the right place now. You can only look forward and just try not to catastrophise everything 🤦🏻‍♂️🤣

Nothing is in your control now, so you slowly just have to accept that and enjoy it as much as possible! 😘

I won’t say good luck, because you won’t need it

[Belangalo in reply to Cook7786]

Thank you cook for telling me this! I suspect that no matter what I am going to worry! It's an awful feeling this early stage...I will try very hard to remember that its all pretty much out of my control now. That helps a little bit. I am going private for this pregnancy as we have the insurance to cover it. My FS says that he's happy to take care of me through the entire pregnancy which means no discharge from the clinic and no midwife visits at the hospital. I'll do all scans and bloods through the IVF clinic . He'll go on deliver baby at private hospital and he'll book the suit etc. I'm happy to take him up on his offer since insurance will pay. Do you think I can ask him about extra scans?

[Cook7786 in reply to Belangalo]

There’s no harm in asking, and if you they say no then you can always book in with other private sonographers. Which country are you from? The states?

[Belangalo in reply to Cook7786]

I'm from Australia 😊 I will see if I can just book for a scan without a referral! Although my GP may be very good in writing me referrals if I pester him enough!

[Candlewax3]

It’s so tough! Try and do as much as you can to occupy yourself & stay positive. Everything sounds good so far. I am a worrier even before infertility so I totally get it. My daughter is also a natural miracle like your Bubba, remember miracles can happen 😍👶🏼

[Belangalo in reply to Candlewax3]

I am a definite worrier too! 🤣 The 4 year journey to the BFP kicked all my naivety and innocence about pregnancy out of me. I don't have that ignorant sort of joy thinking that I'm pregnant and nothing can go wrong! I KNOW pretty much all the horrible things that can happen and that there are also awful things that I've never heard of as well! 🤣 I'm just a bit of a basket case...the 2WW was a breeze compared to this! I had 4 years of practice waiting on a BFP but this is the first time I have gotten so close to actually having my dream! Xx

[Candlewax3 in reply to Belangalo]

I totally get it & it is so unfair! They say knowledge is power but with pregnancy it’s 🤯I am equal measures desperate for a BFP & terrified what that means for stress & worry for weeks & months after x

[Belangalo in reply to Candlewax3]

I hope that you get your BFP soon!! This journey is such a vicious one and I hate that it just seems to keep going but I'll keep going no matter what! 🤗🤗

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Belanalo Firstly congratulations ! Fill your time with good things-long walks- reading books- watching silly films - whatever makes you feel good Be kind to yourself & your OHTime will pass Good luck

Janet

[Belangalo in reply to JA-fnuk]

I am trying to organise the house! 😊 Does that count? 🤣 I've told hubby no more big projects though. I don't wait to live in a demolition zone as I find it stressful picking my way through tools and trying to clean up constant mess! Once this last little bit is done we're taking it easy and just cuddling up to watch TV, play games and pass the time through winter! I am determined to cut out as much stress as possible! I've got enough internal stress going on 😏 xx

[Running79]

Its a difficult one!!

I’m 11 weeks + 2, I bled the day before the viability scan and was relieved to see it in the right place with a good heartbeat.

Because they found a subchorionic hematoma I needed another scan at 9 weeks before the hospital wouldn't discharge me otherwise. The wait was agonising which didn’t help as the hospital said I needed to take it really really easy!! So effectively couldn’t do anything which I think was worse

So I went for my 9 week scan, hematoma reduced in size, the tiny human had grown and the heartbeat still good!!

So we have our 12 week scan next week and tbh I’ve just been cracking on doing stuff, just not over doing it

[Belangalo in reply to Running79]

Congratulations Running!!! I will keep everything crossed for your scan coming up!!! 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞 The stress and waiting is just awful awful 😬 I don't know if I can just get on with things...I'm suffering from 24 hour morning sickness, constantly running what feels like a fever and bad head cold all coupled with the usual cramps, sore breasts and fatigue. My FS gave me a script for the morning sickness but it's not really working. 🙄 I love all the symptoms because it is a constant reminder I'm pregnant and I took it as a comforting sign until I read that you can still have all the symptoms with a MMC. 😩 Then I go back to worrying! Yep...definitely need to take a chill pill and see if I can get extra scans!! 🤞🤞🤞🤞

[Running79 in reply to Belangalo]

Thanks! I think I’m lucky all I have is sore boobs and the occasional cramp!

Good luck x

[Zebedee1971]

I had my first ever heartbeat last year, after 2 and a half years of early miscarriages and chemicals. That little one is now 32 weeks in and just a few weeks away from coming into the world. I still can't quite believe it.

For us, we were lucky- we were under the care of a recurrent miscarriage specialist so we had scans every 2 weeks. So that gave us a break from the stress and gave us 3 or 4 days of relative calm. If you can afford to do this I highly recommend you do- it really helps!

The other thing is... If you get to 20 weeks 🤞🤞 you can feel the baby kicking and moving about, so the anxiety, panic and worry should hopefully go away a lot. The second trimester is much easier. I have my fingers crossed your little one is a fighter and keeps growing and getting stronger x

[Running79 in reply to Zebedee1971]

That’s good to hear!! We are just under a week from the second trimester and tbh, can’t really enjoy anything due to the risks still

[Belangalo in reply to Zebedee1971]

Thank you so much for this response Zeebedee! Congratulations on your little miracle! That gives my so much happiness and hope!! I can't wait until we are at 20 weeks and I'm feeling baby kicking!! That's the dream! 😆 I need to really keep holding onto hope. 4 years of trying to get this BFP so I hear you! My FS says that he is happy to look after me through the entire pregnancy so I was planning on taking him up on the offer but should I look for a recurrent miscarriage specialist too? I've only had one chemical pevious to this 🙁 But as our problem was initially that hubby had zero sperm and until recently we haven't even had sperm and egg mixing to form embryos...its a bit of a mystery how I could handle pregnancy or what our embryos are like. I just feel like so many question marks and I'm flying blind! 🤣

[Marisa32]

Congrats on your viability scan milestone. It's a big one! I too got by only by doing scans every 2 weeks during my 1st trimester, as I was in constant denial about baby being ok. I'm over 41, so my doc didn't mind scanning me more often, I think she saw the sheer panic in my eyes. I also recommend private scans if your doc won't do them more often. It will help you with anxiety and believe it or not - every passing week even day, it will get easier.

[Belangalo in reply to Marisa32]

Oh Marisa! Thank you! 🤗 And congratulations on your little bub and so many best wishes!!! I sincerely hope that it gets easier as another 7 months of this sort of worry would turn me into a complete and utter nut! 🤣 I'm also in that constant denial that baby will be ok. It was a long road to get here but honestly, I was never expecting anything to happen naturally! I'd resigned myself to rounds and rounds of IVF...which wasn't actually working for us! 😒 I am going to ask for extra scans! They are monitoring me with a blood test each week but I would love some scans to make sure that heartbeat is still there! Still can't believe it! I'm pretty sure I'm moving around like a zombie the last two weeks in a state of fear and shock! 🤣

[Chiefy]

Oh it's far worse than the tww!

So far I've had private scan at 6 weeks (so partner could be there due to covid restrictions), clinic scan at 6 weeks, private scan at 9 weeks, hospital scan at 12 weeks and private scan at 16 weeks. Got a 20 week hospital scan next week. I'm desperate to feel the baby moving, but because my placenta is at the front it is cushioning the baby so I still can't feel it. There's a constant state of "what if"!!

[Belangalo in reply to Chiefy]

I've had the 7 week scan where FS said baby measured between 6-7 weeks so our dates were very close! 🤞🤞🤞🤞 I would both love more scans and probably freak out before each one! 🤣 And yep...this is so so much worse than the 2WW and I honestly wondered if it might be but never realised exactly how awful it would be! I'm not really feeling the "joy" just the terror of losing it!! I know I need to get past this if not for me, then for baby who doesn't need these stress hormones flooding it! I hope you start feeling your baby kick soon! Xxx

[Nuszkahope]

Hello,

First of all, congratulations! I do not have any tips to give you as I am exactly at the same boat as you. I thought that it will all be different when I finally get pregnant but it is the opposite... worrying all the time, very anxious 😟 The only advice I can give is to take one day at the time x It great you have a supportive husband, I don’t know what I would do without mine. Good luck for your next scan xxx

[FluffyPink]

Just wanted to say I’m in a similar boat to you having conceived for the first time after 4.5 years of gruelling fertility treatments/ investigations. I’m 9 weeks today. I think it’s totally normal that you are feeling this anxious after all you’ve been through. It might be helpful if you could try talking to your partner about how you are both feeling - he’s obviously v scared too. Talking about it won’t jinx anything! I think you are doing better than 20% risk at this point. This table strangely helped me:datayze.com/miscarriage-cha...

Getting to 8 weeks was a big milestone in my head as so many people on this forum sadly have had losses before this point. You are almost there - just take things really easy if you can this week. If you are feeling v ill it’s very hard to think rationally. I also have the horrible shivery feeling with the nausea/ sickness - it’s like having the flu each night! But then I remind myself that this is exactly how I’ve been waiting to feel for so many years and that sickness is good in this case. Hugs to you 🤗 xxx