4th cycle BFN- what now -41 years young

[Hopeful80]

Hi ladies,

I got my BFN yesterday. I was angry more than upset initially. I foolishly believed maybe this was the cycle that would work I had different symptoms during the 2 WW. I gave everything to this cycle why is this journey so cruel.

At 41 now with a 5% chance with my own eggs im aware DE may be my only option but I feel so sad that a baby wouldn't have my Gene's. My mom died last year and just to have the chance of OE would of been a dream.

Just wondering what are peoples thoughts on DE and financially I'm not sure can I go with my own eggs again if the only reality option is DE. I have alot of love to give so I know I'd love a baby if it landed from another planet it's just a hard decision.

I've been crying all day now I'm a pretty positive person and ive dusted myself off in the past but this time it's just so hard.

Thank you for reading IVF is such a lonely journey

Xx

[Nuszkahope]

Hello,

Sorry to hear that your cycle failed 😞 have you ever considered testing your embryos before transferring? That would give you a better chance of success with your own eggs x

[Hopeful80 in reply to Nuszkahope]

Hello thank you for replying my clinic only tests on day 5 embryos.My first cycle I had two day 5 embryos transfered and I had nothing extra left to test on after that cycle failed.

My last cycle was a three day transfer.

Xx

[Nuszkahope in reply to Hopeful80]

I see, yeah they test 5 days embryos x

[Tessan1]

HelloI never posted or replied to anything on here but your post really struck me as I just had another bfn after a FET when I thought my symptoms really showed that it had taken this time.. it really is cruel isn’t it?! I’m also similar age group turning 40.

I can’t give you any advice on DE but just wanted to say that even if it’s a lonely journey you are not alone

X

[Hopeful80 in reply to Tessan1]

Hi TessanI'm so sorry to hear about your BFN. Cruel is the only time I use this word it sums up ivf failures and infertility.

Like you I thought it had worked this time lower back pain, sore boobs I was up 3 times a night going to the loo but alas the medication playing games!!!

My post consultation isn't until July now ( clinics are so busy) so some time to think what is the next option.

Best of luck with your next cycle/step. I'd be so lost without this forum xxxl

[BECIO]

Hey sorry to read at your recent BFN, it is so hard! Don’t know if you have listened podcast big fat negative it’s really good and there’s a couple of there talking about egg donation and their decisions and thought process. The podcast is really helpful and helps me to learn and feel less alone. Good luck for whatever is next x

[Hopeful80 in reply to BECIO]

Thank you for replying I will check that podcast out.It is v difficult and it overtakes every aspect of

Your life.

Good luck to you too xx

[Core]

Just wanted to say I’m so sorry for your BFN they never get easier. I hope you have lots of support around you xx

[Hopeful80]

Thank you core. They never get easier we just get stronger and more resilient or maybe just numb!!

My OH is taking this negative pretty bad,

Best of luck to you xx

[JenRoy]

Really sorry to hear about your BFN. It’s heartbreaking.

We were successful in 2018 via IVF. We started further cycles last year for a 2nd child. Both cycles failed. I started to think about DE treatment at that stage but was really against it initially. We did a 4th cycle in Feb with a top London clinic and threw everything at it. It went really well but sadly all our embryos were abnormal. At that point we realised that it was highly unlikely we’d be successful with my eggs as I’m now 42.

I have researched DE treatment a lot over the past 7 months. I joined the Donor Conception Network UK and chatted to someone who was in a similar situation and had success with DE. It was so helpful and positive to talk to her.

I’ve listened to podcasts and watched webinairs run by Altrui and DCN.

Plus read lots of books and accounts via google etc.

We’ve now decided to go the DE route and it’s honestly a bit of a relief. Sad but also a positive change. We know we’ve a good chance of success. And for us, having another child s more important than the genetics. They’ll be our unique baby no matter what. And I’ll carry & grow that baby from its creation.

It’s such a hard decision and you need to take time xx

[Hopeful80 in reply to JenRoy]

Thank you so much for the long reply.

We need time alright . I do think it's our only option now and my clinic is partnered with alicante and also an in house DE option in Cyprus.

I need to do allot of research and join DE network etc.I suppose the thing I keep thinking is do you choose an anoymous donor but tell the child.

Like you said I agree having a baby and being a mother is more important than genetics.

It is a big decision for sure. Best of luck with your journey.

Xxx

[Hidden]

Hi lovely I am so sorry for all you have been through

I am 44 now started IVf at 40 and we’ve been told our failures (6 fresh transfers and nothing to freeze) have been down to egg quality ie old eggs!

I do wish I had gone with DE earlier, we are now on a loooong waiting list! From what I have researched the waiting lists are longer in the UK and the donor is not anonymous. Overseas things can happen quicker and donor is anonymous. Different countries have different standards

Feel free to PM me.. I was where you are about 9 months ago xx

[Hopeful80]

Hi Daisy,

Thank you for your reply I'm only back on line now.

You have been through alot and you have exhausted all options with your OE.

I need to find out from my clinic is it anoymous or not and waiting times.

Prague seems to have a quicker waiting list but that anoymous.

So much to research.

I will PM you Daisy thank you xxx

[Running79]

Sorry to hear your cycle failed

We had done a donor egg round, my 30 yr old sister was the donor. I’m now 9 weeks and 5 days

Not out of danger yet another 2 1/2 weeks to the big milestone.

I look at a donor egg as like some giving you a blood transfer or bone marrow transplant - it’s something you need to progress to get somewhere

Not everyone will share that view but that’s how I see it

I would add I’m 41 yrs old and my husbands 59

[Hopeful80]

Hello running I gave myself a break from being online so checking in now.

Thank you for the response and best of luck with your pregnancy.

It is true if I want to become a mother it's my only option too lots to research.