My FET ended in a stark white bfn at 11dpt today. This is our 5th attempt in a row and all bfn.
We were very blessed to have an ivf baby in 2018, and 3 of the following failed transfers were from that batch of embryos from when I was 37.
I’m now 40 and the only explanation given is embryo quality and I’ve never been recommended further tests.
We are lucky to have 2 remaining Frosties- a BB and BC, both genetically untested.
We can go straight into another round ie. this week, and I really don’t want to waste time but the mental toll is starting to catch up with me now. We keep going around in circles over whether to try a double transfer.
On one hand, those 5 FETs could have been done in 2/3 rounds saving a lot of heartache, time and money.
On the other hand, being 40 the potential complications of twins seems risky.
My Dr keeps talking us out of a double transfer for those reasons, highlighting that we already have a toddler to look after and it would not be easy if I were to potentially spend a lot of pregnancy in hospital, or put our attention into babies who may need extra care. This hospital in general doesn’t seem encouraging of it.
But after 5 failed transfers I’m wondering if we’re being over cautious as none of them seem to stick, and the statistics are against it anyway.
Ladies around 40yrs old.. if you had 5 day blasts, did you have single or double transfers? How did you decide? And what was the outcome?
Thanks 🙏
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Maui2020
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Thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear of bfns. It’s such a subjective decision isn’t it. I keep flipping sides. I had a double day 3 embryo transfer when I was 36 (failed) and I didn’t bat an eyelid about it being potential twins. Of course I understand why but it’s so ironic that the higher risk pregnancies are more encouraged to do double transfers. Will you try again? It’s so hard when it’s a sibling to know when to stop. Xx
The last two attempts have been my “final” attempts but I keep going back for more. I’m realistic that at 43 my chances are very slim but if I could scrape up the funds id give it another go! Crazy!
I know what you mean. This is our “final” but I’m already thinking of how I would get funds if I needed them for another cycle. I think when it’s time to give up you just know. Good luck if you go for it xx
I had a double transfer age 37 and had twins in January. I was fit and healthy but found the pregnancy brutal and was pretty much on bed rest from 18 weeks. I ended up delivering in an emergency at 34 weeks putting all 3 of us at risk and the twins were in NICU for 3 weeks which did put a strain on older daughter (age 4) as hardly saw her for several weeks as I was in hospital for around 3 weeks before the birth and then 3 weeks after
That being said twins is hard work but wonderful and our only successful transfer out of 4 x
Thank for your honesty about your experience. It does sound like such a blessing though. I did read about it before, am I right in saying you didn’t even transfer your best graded embryos? X
Yes that’s right - These were my “lowest” two. I have a 4AA but had a strange feeling about transferring it - don’t know why - maybe because my friend had to TFMR her “perfect” 4AA due to Pateus - I also wanted to work backwards leaving best to last so physiologically if the transfer had failed still had a good shot left
That’s a really interesting approach I like it. Seems like you developed a sixth sense! A consultant had told me that in his experience with older women, the “lower” grades tended to be the chromosomally normal ones, so to almost treat them equally. I’m so happy it worked out for you x
I had 2 put back when I was 40 and resulted in a twin pregnancy, but my girl was too poorly to survive and I had to carry her to term with my son (who is a happy and healthy 15 month old). I am going for natural FET soon and toying with putting 2 back again. I know the risks, I know the complications, I know the heartache but I also want to give the best possible chance of having a sibling as soon as possible due to my age.I have 5 embies but the reality is, statistically speaking, I'll be lucky if 1 is viable. My embryologist says to put back 2, my consultant supports 2. I also have to decide soon and am veering towards 2.
I guess the question is could you cope with twins and a twin pregnancy. It also is a riskier pregnancy. It really is a difficult decision isn't it. I wish mine were PGD tested. xx
Hi Cas, so sorry to read about your little girl..I’m so happy for your little boy, ivf babies are so special and I’m realising even more so after all these failures. Just a thought of something my previous Dr and embryologist mentioned, that embryos can be thawed, tested and refrozen. At the time it sent my head into an anxious spin, but after all this time it is sounding more appealing. If I had more than 2, I may have considered.. although I’m not sure how much it affects the embryos..?
I see your dilemma, as in the “batch” you already had a healthy boy, so it does make sense to do 2 statistically.
Also I’m going natural FETs back to back to save time.
Thank you for sharing your experience, it’s definitely something to think about xx
Yeah I considered testing and refreezing but I think you risk damaging them so decided against it. Which is why I will probably go with 2, as I think it will speed up the process and is unlikely to be twins. I'm doing a natural FET also, so much better than being drugged up and hormonal! I had my surge today so there is talk about putting one (or two) back Monday or Tuesday. It's gone so fast and doesn't really feel like IVF as no drugs or anything! Think I'll try and speak to the embryologist on Friday. Last time she said it would increase the chances of success from 30-35% so feels like you should give it your best shot.
Sounds like I'm convincing myself to go with 2 🙈 so maybe that's what I am saying to you also! I meant to add, we had 3 rounds and always out 2 back prior. And only 1 healthy baby so I am very aware of the reality that any of these will be viable given our history.Let me know what you decide and good luck xx
Lol I think the great thing about this forum is we also get to verbalise our own thoughts instead of them whirling through our heads in a confused state!
I’m just so indecisive, one transfer I’ve changed my mind and then back again the day before. The Dr signed two forms to leave it up to us until the last minute! We have a couple of weeks to think it over this time.
I’m so thankful for natural cycles, I had a hard time with a previous clinic who made me do it medicated, the hormones really affected me.
You are really close to transfer! Not long to go.. that’s exciting! Good luck for it and keep us updated. I’ll do the same xx
This is something my husband and I tortured ourselves with on our first round, and needlessly it turned out as we only got one embryo which didn’t implant. Round two we got two embryos and had them both put in (another negative unfortunately). For us the deciding factor was that our chances of success are already so low (I’m 41 with low AMH), so anything that increased our chances of at least one sticking was welcome. I know twin pregnancies come with higher risks, especially for women our age, but for us the risk was worth it as the chances of even one embryo staying put weren’t great. We’re just weighing up our options now about donor eggs, although likely after one last try with our own. And if we’re lucky enough to get two embryos again, we’ll definitely go for a double transfer x
I think now I’m feeling the effect of the statistics, so that’s interesting to know your experience. Really wish you so much luck with the next try, just the one is all we need xx
Hey there! Thank you for the message. My clinic’s OTD is 9dpt which was on Sunday, but you have to test again to confirm at 11dpt. So I already knew 2 days ago. I had time to stuff my face with junk food and caffeine in protest, sit in bed and just have time to process. Feeling more postive now as I’m lucky I have some embryos left but I feel the pressure on. I don’t think I’ll be so calm in my next 2ww.
Ah it’s amazing how quickly (not to sound flippant) we bounce back isn’t it. I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better. It’s so hard, I feel the pressure so much so it’s difficult to stay calm and rational during these times. That’s great that you still have embryos 👍🏼
My transfer was fine thanks. One of them was upgraded as it was hatching but we all know that means nothing really! Normally I’m desperate to test early but weirdly this time I really don’t want to know.... not any real symptoms to speak of so literally no idea either way... only time will tell xxx
That’s great news! Just the term “hatching” should at least send you some positive vibes.
After just having been through it, the 2ww does feel like one big mental game. I hope it helps to say, I had every positive text book symptom.. so having none is not a worry. I will remind myself of this, and I’m sure you know too, the symptom spotting is pointless so just enjoy PUPO without any obsessive thoughts (I’m a big culprit of that).
When is your OTD? I haven’t figured out if the logic my clinic having 2 testing days is cruel or kind!
I am hopeful having had the ERA test too but can’t bring myself to believe it might work, so general ambivalence is best right now..
it’s such a mind game isn’t it. Thank you for sharing, to be honest it’s really good hearing that there is no standard for anyone to confirm either way. It means I look out for signs less.
OTD is Monday, my clinic only does 10 days before test day. I always felt gipped not getting the full 2 weeks, but after 10 days your bloods are accurate so best to get it over with in my opinion!!
Oh I know that feeling of ambivalence well. My friend gave me a pep talk this morning.... to just keep visualising your end result and don’t think about which journey you took to get there xxx
We had to decide whether to test our embryos or do a double transfer. We went for testing, and two out of the three embryos then deteriorated before biopsy. The remaining one came back normal and we just transferred and got a BFP. The embryologist said it was a good thing we hadn't gone for the double transfer as the one that deteriorated could have prevented the good one from implanting.
That is fascinating, thanks for sharing. I have read similar opinions on this forum before but I wasn’t sure how accurate that was.
I will definitely ask the embryologist the question as usually we are shut down by the Dr before we can elaborate. You’ve made me more of an advocate of testing and given me hope it can work. I hope your pregnancy is going well and you’re enjoying every moment x
I think you have your best chance transferring individually, but I totally understand that you are fed up of failed transfers and want to get to the end. That's why our consultant suggested testing. However, the embryologist would have chosen the normal one anyway via grading. The third deteriorated before it was ready to freeze, but number 2 would have been frozen otherwise. The only thing I gained was not being pregnant whilst home schooling my 5 year old and working!
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