When will we ever be able to get abroad for IVF round 3? Anyone else feeling stuck

[saraht23]

Just feeling a bit overwhelmed by our IVF being on hold due to covid and wondering how others in a similar situation are coping.

We’ve been TTC for 5 and a half years, done 2 rounds of ICSI, the last resulting in a miscarriage in March this year. Nothing frozen from either round to transfer. I work in the NHS and went back to work the week after the miscarriage and have barely stopped since. This year has been exhausting.

Our plan is to go to Spain for the next round due to the difference in regulation of donor sperm, we’ve decided this is the best next step for us. We were supposed to go in August for initial investigations then start treatment shortly after, but the quarantine situation halted that in its tracks.

I felt like everything was lining up, work have been really supportive and agreed I can work from home during quarantine so there’s no delay with treatment. We were looking at the new year to start treatment again, and now it’s looking ever more likely that this new strain will close borders and treatment will be on hold indefinitely. It just feels like as soon as there is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel collapses. I’m so drained and don’t know how to carry on staying positive with this. I’ll be turning 30 next year and it just feels like that’s hanging over me and our chances are going to get worse the longer time goes on.

How have any of you waiting for IVF abroad managed to get through this stress and stay positive?

[Belangalo]

Hi Sarah, you're not the only one feeling like everything is on hold. I was going in for a transfer and then because I ovulated when I told the nurses I would (for some reason they kept telling me that I would not ovulate naturally and would need a trigger shot etc) my transfer day fell on Christmas day...when the clinic is closed. So this month of tests and scans is a wash...bummer.

I understand your frustration with how much emotion goes into the waiting for each stage - waiting to start, waiting to see how many eggs are collected, waiting to see how many fertilise, waiting to see how many make it to day three, waiting to see how many make it to day 5, waiting to see if you can do a transfer, waiting to see if it takes, waiting to get your period and starting the whole wait over again...I get it. I really do. I get the heartache is getting yet another hurdle added to all the others that we face. It is unfair, no doubt about it.

I'm having a mopey day today and tomorrow but then I am going to pick myself up by my bootstraps and just get to enjoying the holiday season. There really is nothing more I can do except be kind to myself and continue waiting and hoping that my dream is still there and hopefully closer to a reality AFTER the waiting!

I think that you are the same Sarah. It is so hard but you are young, you have time on your side and the waiting is excruciating but hopefully...all completely and utterly worth it in the end! So try not to let this long and exhausting process rob you of the joy you can have and experience with your loved ones today. The IVF road is long and so hard at times...but you got this! You've been doing it for 5 years and I am pretty sure you have at least another 5 years in you to reach your dream of motherhood! Biggest hugs! And so much baby dust to us all! xxxxx

[saraht23 in reply to Belangalo]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.I’m so sorry to hear about all the stress and frustration you’re going through at the moment. I really hope everything aligns for you soon and you’re not waiting too much longer for your transfer.

Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone in all of this, I think sometimes we need to have those mopey days and also know that others out there are going through the same emotional rollercoaster and that these feelings are totally normal.

Wishing you so much luck for the future, I really hope it all comes together for you xx

[fay2399]

Hey I’m in same boat except I’m 43. Stay positive.. I wish I was your age xxx

[saraht23 in reply to fay2399]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I’m hoping so much that we manage to get covid under control soon, or at least to find a way of navigating it to minimise risk of transmission so some elements of normal life can start again. I know lots of people feel inconvenienced by this, but for some of us it really has put life on hold more than anyone could understand. I hope you manage to find a suitable place for treatment soon and can progress with the next stage of your journey. You’re so strong and I admire your positivity xx

[Sparklylife]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this! The waiting is hard enough as it is on the IVF journey and having decided to go abroad, I can see how it must just feel like it will never happen! This pandemic is just catastrophic on so many levels 🥺 It is not the same, but my family live in a different country and I have not been able to see them since last March - not knowing when I get to see them again is just breaking my heart - like say - it is not the same, but I can sense your frustration with it all!

I know money is involved in IVF and I don’t have much knowledge about male factor, so please forgive me, but just trying to help 🥰 You may have done all these things already. But is there something you could try to improve quality? Supplements? And perhaps try another round here? I don’t know your exact situation, so please forgive me as your best option may be what you have decided on already.

I wish you all the best and hopefully we can control this pandemic soon and borders can safely open again! I am glad your work is being supportive at least, so you don’t have to worry about quarantine! Big hug to you 🧡

[saraht23 in reply to Sparklylife]

Thank you so much for replying. Like I just did above, this pandemic is awful, and I really hope we find ways of navigating it better soon. I’m so sorry you’re missing your family so much, it must be hard going through all this without them hear for support. Phones and video calls just aren’t the same, so I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now.

Unfortunately we have tried all sorts of dietary changes and supplements for my husband and nothing seems to help. He is a wonderful person and has many strengths, and has been my rock through all of this, but unfortunately his sperm quality is not one of those strengths. Our consultant described it a bit like a manopause, and unfortunately his sperm quality is just likely to continue declining as time goes on.

We already did two rounds in this country, unfortunately the first resulted in total fertilisation failure which was totally unexpected, especially as we were using ICSI. The second was a bit of a Hail Mary and we were expecting the worst as had been told there was about a 75-80% chance of the same thing happening, but we had that miracle little embryo that could, and it was a top quality blastocyst on day 5. Unfortunately that resulted in a missed miscarriage that was diagnosed at my 8 week scan.

After all of that we decided that donor was the way forward as there is something not right on a genetic level causing this to fail, and we don’t want it to rule our life for years to come when the odds of success are so low. Husband isn’t comfortable with a traceable donor and that’s U.K. regulation so abroad is the only option for an anonymous one, so it’s a waiting game until we can go abroad. Hopefully these border closures are short term and we will get there eventually.

Thank you so much for all your suggestions though, it means a lot to have that support xx

[Sparklylife in reply to saraht23]

Aw, it is so difficult! I think my other half would feel the same about being able to trace donors. I can see why you feel this is your only option. I am so sorry for your loss 🧡

It must be so difficult for him too, sounds like you are both very supportive of each other, which is nice! 🥰

I hope this is short term too and hopefully you will be in Spain before you know it! Will be thinking of you and hoping it will be your go again soooooon!

[Jumpppy in reply to saraht23]

Just a slight note of caution. If you've not had therapy pre-donor usage you should consider strongly. While I would avoid UK given that I believe it has to be marked on birth certificate that donor was used, a couple of friends who went through donor route said therapy - when your goal is anonymity - focuses on that question/issue. Therapists are now telling people not to expect anonymity and to be prepared. With all of these at home genetics tests people are finding donor and donor half siblings, half family VERY easily. They are suggesting a different approach now than they used to and want to prepare folks - could be real traumatic for everyone.

Hate that you are going through this we were almost in the same boat...just ensure they've done a full endocrinology workup on him (go private if you need to) and tried to look for everything. They didn't on mine, but once the issue was discovered things got better. Not I could get preggo naturally better, but in ICSI terms a lot better.

[Uffculmedolly]

Hey Sarah, I’m in same boat, only I’m 37, soon to be 38 and have been ttc for 7 years. Stay positive.. you have age on your side xxx

[saraht23 in reply to Uffculmedolly]

Thank you so much for replying. Sending you lots of positivity and wishing you get your miracle pregnancy soon xx

[Maisie234]

Hiya, I'm in the same boat too but I went in October this year despite all the advice, I just am not prepared to wait any longer at my age . I'll hopefully go in a few months again, Spain has not closed the borders yet as they are testing and quite savvy with it. When I went in October it was fine. Plane was empty, got some sun too. I just took my laptop just incase! Xx

[saraht23 in reply to Maisie234]

I really wish we had gone earlier to get started but I had a slight change in work, still doing the same job but in a different area, and also doing a postgrad so we thought we would have another few months before travelling abroad to minimise stress. Now regretting that decision. I did hear Spain had enforced mandatory PCR testing within 72 hours of travel so you could prove you’re negative, but have announced the travel ban within the last 24 hours due to this new strain. I’m hoping it’s just a short term ban and things will start moving soon. Also concerned about Brexit affecting travel to Spain as we will be outside the EU by the time I can go, just hoping this counts as essential travel and they let us in when flights start moving again.

Really glad to hear you had a good experience with getting over there though, that’s reassuring to know. Hope you manage to get back again soon and wishing you all the luck in the world for your next transfer. Keeping everything crossed for you that this one is the successful one xx

[Maisie234 in reply to saraht23]

Aww thankyou. I think Spain is one of the best bets to get to, well that's what my consultant says. I'm sure it won't be a long term closure, hopefully and we can both get out. As far as Brexit goes, they say as long as your passport has more than 6 months on it, it's good for travel. The whole place is in such a mess right now, I just want this year over and a plan for 2021. I really hope the ban is lifted too and then listen to the experts to see what months are going to be a bit easier and book it in for then. I was so worried before I flew out, but when I got there I was so proud of myself.

Wishing you all the best too, we so deserve it after all weve been through. Good luck to us! XX