How to find an egg donor without using a clinic or service

[BroodySingle]

Hi all,

Can you give any advice?

I’ve reached the end of my journey with my own eggs, and I’m far down the road of menopause at the ripe old age of 36!

I knew this was coming, so put myself on my clinic’s waiting list for donor eggs back in March, however I’ve only moved 4 places in the last four weeks and I’m currently at position 38.

If I continue to move one place a week it’ll take almost 9 months to be matched with an egg donor which feels far too far away. (I’m sure it won’t take quite that long but I feel thoroughly disheartened and I’m so tired of not being a mother).

Does anyone know how I could go about finding my own donor outside of my clinic or without using services like Altrui?

Obviously my / a clinic would be involved later in the process but are there places / groups where I can try finding my own egg donor?

Hope that makes sense xx

[Ozma4]

Hi, I'm afraid I cant help but this is something im interested in too. Currently on my 3rd cycle and the 2 week wait. It wasnt a good quality egg that was put back so im prepping myself for another fail. Like you the last with my own eggs. My clinic, however, have said its a 2 year waiting list here!! So just wanted to say 9months seems like a long time but compared to some clinics that is a short time to wait. I wish you well in your donor hunt and hope all turns out well for you xx

[jengi]

Really interesting question! You could ask sisters, cousins or friends? My younger sister offered to be my donor but sadly her AMH was even lower than mine so she wasn’t considered eligible. Any of my friends who I thought might be interested in helping us were all over 35 which puts them in the ‘too old’ category! Even though I never told them that of course! 🙈 In the end, we went abroad and they found us a donor within 4 months. Have you tried m other clinics to see if they have shorter waiting lists? Ideally you want a donor who is younger than 30 to give the best chance of success. I’m sure other ladies might have other ideas. Wishing you the best of luck Xx

[alockie]

Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. In case of poor egg quality, mesotherapy treatment to ovaries might improve the quality. I can't help with my dir experiences, but myself I know ladies who are considering IVF in Europe, particularly in Cyprus and Poland, cos on no waiting list.

[Libsie3103]

Sorry you’re going through this. I’ve not gone down the DE route but I’ve found lots of really helpful accounts on Instagram from people who have. I’d have a look on there, it maybe helpful? xx

[BroodySingle in reply to Libsie3103]

Thanks, I’ll take a look xx

[SEl76]

I made the difficult decision to try with DE after 4 early miscarriages which was put down to egg quality due to my age. The clinic we used (Care) have a bank of frozen eggs to choose from so we had no waiting time other than for appointments etc.

[BroodySingle in reply to SEl76]

Thank you, I’ll take a look xx

[JenRoy]

Some clinics have no waiting time. You can find the info on the HFEA website. I know of quite a few people who have used DE abroad - Spain, Greece, Czech, Russia x

[BroodySingle in reply to JenRoy]

Thank you. I’m single and would like open at 18 donors which limit going abroad. I’m also not comfortable travelling at the moment so wouldn’t be any quicker unfortunately xx

[Nic24]

Hi, I am in a similar position, my clinic’s waiting list is 18 months - 2 years (and likely to grow due to covid). I have looked at altrui and they have an additional cost you need to pay. I haven’t really found any other options other than looking abroad to reduce the wait times or using a frozen egg bank in the uk. If I do find anything else, I am happy to drop you a message to let you know.

[BroodySingle in reply to Nic24]

Thank you.

I did look at Altrui, and I’m still debating them, but although they don’t have wait times as such, it can still take them months to find you a donor. I’m also not sure if they have a guarantee (I need to check) on minimum number of eggs received as for me that’s a huge gamble of paying £14k+

I’ve also spoken to some women who have found donors through Facebook groups etc. which I’m looking into and I’m also exploring LWC and Care to see how quickly I could start with them and what the costs are.

Please do let me know if you find anything else and I will do the same if you like? xx

[Purpledoggy]

Is this an NHS clinic or private? I have to go private as zero NHS funding in my area, and when I had a nose at the DE waiting list it's <1 month for caucasian eggs and I think around 6 for BAME if I remember correctly. Definitely worth contacting some clinics to find out their WL times xx

[BroodySingle in reply to Purpledoggy]

Where are you based? The only places around London with minimal waiting lists that I’ve found so far are LWC (and maybe Care) as they work with LEB. xx

[Purpledoggy in reply to BroodySingle]

I live near Cambridge - Cambridge IVF said those wait lists in the info they gave me. The only caveat I will say is I am not currently trying to use donor eggs and I have not had a conversation with them about it - I'm just going on what's in their written info. Hope you get sorted soon xx

[Babytocome]

Hi,

there is a website, kind of date site called " coparenting" which does not mean you HAVE to co parent with anyone. There are a lot of different situations on that page, you might find someone willing to help.