My doctor mentioned the 'donor' word in our consultation followup...struggling to get my head to this next potential phase of IVF

[minnesota_girl]

Hi everyone,

Been a hard week, two weeks if honest. I'm restless, binge-watching Jane the Virgin because the crazy plot and happiness helps distract me from reality for the minute, finding it hard to work.

We had our second failure to reach blastocyst stage last week - so second cancelled transfer. One on short protocol (6 eggs, 3 fertilised well, moderate quality, one better than others, but still arrested after day 3), this one on long (only 2 eggs, 1 fertilised well, medium quality, arrested after day 3).

We had our follow up today with the consultant, and it was so hard to hear her say today that my results point to a problem with egg quality. We will probably do one more cycle (as my numbers were so low both times that it still be more to do with the odds of my age than an ongoing pattern/problem) - but it sounds like if this next cycle goes the same way, our only next route will be to use donor eggs.

I'm finding it very hard to get my head round this - just because I've dreamed so long of what my kid might look like and what he or she might get from me, from my husband. And I've dreamed of it being a mixture of us. The idea that I won't have a biological child is very hard to get past, that I won't see glimpses of myself, my sisters, my parents...grandparents.

I thought I'd reach out in case anyone else who has been through this and decided to go down donor eggs route has any advice. I feel like now this choice is in front of me I'll naturally go down this path, but it's been a hard time processing it all.

Thanks for listening x

[jengi]

Our consultant mentioned donor eggs on our first appointment before I even had my AMH results. I assume the FSH result she had indicated what lay ahead. My geriatric ovaries weren't very good at doing what most ovaries do very easily. My first round on short protocol resulted in only one egg which failed to fertilise. Round 2, 3 & 4 were cancelled. Round 5 with long protocol we got 3 eggs, 1 mature, 2 immature. The 1 mature egg failed to fertilise with ICSI. One of the other eggs matured over night and fertilised producing a low grade 3 day blastocyst. We transferred it but it didn't work. By this stage i was an emotional mess, this journey truly broke me, i was a shell of my former self. We then made the toughest decision to move to donor. It took me a year to get my head around the idea and accept that if i wanted a baby this was our only chance apart from adoption. My husband so badly wants to be a father, so i guess in some ways i focused on this. My younger sister offered to be our donor but her AMH was lower than mine so she wasn't able too, i was devastated. We moved to anonymous donor abroad. It didn't work first time.... there are no words to describe my despair. The second time we got lucky and i had my 12 week scan today. This was our last attempt, i feel so grateful. The grieve of not having my own biological baby is still with me and I accept may never fully disappear. But I’m so at peace with our decision and feel so lucky that science can do this for us. Counselling has helped me so much to work through my thoughts. I have a friend & cousin who’s baby girls are donor egg conceptions. So it’s great to have them to chat with. And of course this forum has been amazing. Feel free to private message me any time. Wishing you every bit of luck.

[Maisie234]

I know exactly how you feel. Our consultant also said donor on our first appointment. I thought I would never ever consider it. Three failed cycles later, here I am. Ready for the transfer next week. I am also a changed person in this process, I'm done trying with low chances. I don't have much family so I guess I don't really have their opinion to worry about. If that's the only option of having my own child then I'm willing to do it. It's that or nothing as my husband isn't keen on adoption. I'm totally at peace with the decision and already love the wee embryo that's not even created. I will be forever grateful to the woman who done this, I don't know her, but she is amazing. Good luck with your decision. Xx

[Peony85]

Hi Minnesota girl, have you considered getting a consult with a different clinic? It might be worth getting some other opinions before making the decision to move to donor. For example, maybe a mild protocol would be better or trying a different drug regimen. Even with low AMH there are other things that can help egg quality, so depending on how much you think you can handle emotionally, financially and physically, there are things that can be tried. Wishing you all the best with your decision xx

[fertilitystruggle]

Hi minnesota_girl,

Firstly I absolutely LOVE Jane the virgin! It is such a good distraction keep watching it 😂

Secondly I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for you to hear about doner eggs.

If you have a sister maybe ask her? I know it’s not the same but it will easier as it will be part of your genes. If not either way take your time, consider every option and good luck 💛❤️ x

[Purple276]

Hey, I'm so sorry to read your post. This whole process is so tough so it's totally okay to not feel okay.

I feel exactly the same about dreaming of a child that combines me and my husband. We are trying again but already they've said the chances of success with donor eggs are so much higher but I still feel like I can't let that dream go.

It's really helpful to hear positive donor stories and might be a route we go down as well.

Continue to indulge in distracting TV and be kind to yourself. This process is brutal so sending lots of positivity and luck for the next round x

[ttcemmie]

Sorry to hear this. Must have been really hard for you to hear and have to consider and weigh up. I would say it's worth asking around different clinics, or changing up your protocol, or maybe doing a day 2 or day 3 transfer if you want to continue with your own eggs, but also it does take time in this journey to come to terms with all the hurdles. Sending love. xxx