Too much

[Judy18]

So after a recent second BFN we have been told our consultation appointment will be in two weeks. We have another free cycle on the NHS that we will go for. Not sure when treatment will start but hopefully we will find out more at the appointment.

The reason for the post is since being told about the appointment i am struggling to sleep. I have not had a wink of sleep tonight (tomorrow will be fun). I am so tired but have a million thoughts. Not all negative. It just feels like there are no answers.

Also i am still really struggling with the lack of interest from my sister. She knows what we are going through but doesn’t acknowledge it. I always thought we were close but now it feels like the relationship from my perspective has changed. Even my mum and dad think it is weird. My family were not as supportive as i thought they would be and didn’t understand how hard it has been. My mum has a tendency to dump all the family worries on me and doesn’t get that it does not help. I am also the peace keeper. Have fallen out with my brother but if i mention how much he has hurt me i am accused of making things awkward and i have to always push aside my hurt to make things easier for the family.

Sorry for such a long moan. I know i am fortunate as i have an amazing husband and some great friends (who have been such an amazing support). I also have a lovely home and job that i like but the last few days i have felt all over the place and a bit adrift. Thought posting might help get it off of my chest.

I hope everyone is coping during their journeys. I always send out a thought to everyone going through this. It certainly isn’t easy. Love to all xxx

[Ivfgotadream]

I’m sorry your cycle hasn’t worked

I have to say that I experienced exactly the same with my sister - complete disinterest. Never reached out to ask how it was going or took the time to ask about what it was like/what the process involved. Sometimes I was just desperate to be able to talk to someone about it and I’m lucky I met someone in an online support group who ended up going to the same clinic as me and we talk about everything. Parents also struggled with it - Id try and talk to them but would get a “oh it’s too complicated for me” and “we never had to do this in my day!” . After the 1st cycle failed I drastically scaled back my expectations and went on to do a further 4 cycles and 4 transfers - 1/2 the time I didn’t even bother to tell them what we were doing and when as I felt that I couldn’t deal with feeling disappointment in their lack of support as well as a failed cycle.

It’s good you have some close friends around you who can support you - I know the journey is tough but the destination more than makes up for it - after 5 egg collections and 4 transfers I’m now 11 weeks with twins - I felt like giving up so many times x

[Judy18 in reply to Ivfgotadream]

Thank you so much for replying. It is nice to know someone else understands what it is like (although jt sucks that you had to go through it) And huge congratulations on you fab twin news. I am so happy for you 💖 When is your 12 week scan?

I think we are very much not going to bother telling them about our next treatment as it just adds extra pressure. I think i just expected so much more. It is a hard journey i just hope we get there in the end 🤞 Much love xxx

[Hopefulwoman34]

When people don't understand they sometimes clam up and often from my experience my family think to talk about it might 'Bring it up' or 'remind me' as if I'm not always thinking about it somehow lol. Bless them. People mean well but just don't know how to talk about it. Have you tried explaining to your sister how you feel? Managing your expectations is so important and to do that making it clear what you need from certain family members can help. I've decided that 1 sister is great to talk to and my mum is the worst but it doesn't make them bad or change the relationship, its just different understanding levels. I hope you get the support you want soon. Xx

[Judy18 in reply to Hopefulwoman34]

Hi Hopeful women. Thanks for replying. I have tried for a year to make then understand but to no avail. I found out we needed ivf in June 2019. Told my sister about a month later. 6 months later at xmas she said “well i think if you just relax it will work”. I had told her multiple times that my PCOS was causing me to not ovulate. When i said that agAin she responded with “that’s a bit sh**”

Like i said i have got some lovely support and everyone on here is fab.

Wishing you luck on your journey xxxx

[Hopefulwoman34 in reply to Judy18]

It's hard to make people understand and so frustrating to not feel understood esp with the closest people such as family. It sounds like sticking with the good support that you have is helpful, such a shame your sister doesn't get it. It's a hard enough journey without it being made more difficult. I hope you take good care and sending you lots of support xx

[kathgibson22]

Aww I'm so sorry it failed, my first fresh failed too :'-(

My family are exactly the same. It hurts.

My two sisters both fell pregnant first time which makes it harder. Whenever I talk about it they just say they dont know what to say, same as my mum ( they are religious and she just said oh if its meant to happen it will which didnt bloody help!)

Again they never reach out and ask questions or how things are going so I've shut them all out really now and dont talk about it . It sucks.

But I have an Amazing friend who won't let me not talk about it even when I dont really want to and I have all you amazing women so that helps so much.

Wishing you all the luck for second round...remember you're never alone...you have all of us 😁 😘 xxxx

[Judy18 in reply to kathgibson22]

It is nice to know i am not alone 😊

Sorry you first one failed. Have you got any appointments booked in?

It really does hurt. I mentioned to my mum how my sister made me feel and she said not to mention it as it would hurt my sisters feelings!

I know my mum finds it hard as she can’t fix it. I have tried to explain how hard it is and what a toll it takes but doesn’t seem to sink in so she carries in moaning about other family issues etc.

My husband and friends are amazing. If anything all of those relationships have grown stronger and closer so there are some silver linings!

Take care and good luck in your next treatment! Sending hugs xxx