Feel guilty about failed Ivf - Fertility Network UK

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Feel guilty about failed Ivf

Glassway profile image
10 Replies

Hi guys I just have failed Ivf recently in March, and I keep on blaming myself because I resumed my work the following day after 3 days embryo transfer. My work needed to climb on the train steps I thought it was contributing for my cycle to fail, I still have to to do follow up appointment to get the review of my previous cycle

10 Replies

Please don’t blame yourself! I had to go up many stairs the day after my transfer to travel home from the US. Yes, it’s nice to have a few days off and relax but I know many women who went to work the next day and were successful. Sometimes even the best circumstances result in a bfn. Don’t give up! You’ll get there! It’s s numbers game but for peace of mind book a few days off work if you can so you’re not thinking what if xxx

thejourney profile image

There isn't any evidence to suggest that returning to work will impact on success, if there was our clinics would recommend we take time off!

i have had 3 rounds and have worked for one and taken the other 2 off- all three ended in BFN! despite great embryos, lining and plenty of relaxing!

please dont blame yourself!

Rachael_ profile image

I totaly get this ..... as hard as it seems try not to blame yourself this thing is out of anyone’s control once they put that embryo back were it belongs .... my embryo started to implant give me a positive result then a week or so later ended in a chemical pregnancy.... i booked two weeks off dossed about and did nothing only socialise with good friends and family that knew about my IVF... ive come to terms now and just think this wasnt my time and maby there are different plans for me 🙂 keep strong and please dont blame yourself xxx

TheSpeedyDiva profile image

I know the blame game so, so well. I have had four failures now, a couple where I went back to work the next day, a couple where I lay around doing nothing. From what I understand that has nothing to do with the result. My doctors have told me there’s is no evidence that sitting around doing nothing makes any difference! There are so many reasons for failure and I think they are all going on inside. Now, if only they could figure out what my problem is.....

Going back to the blame thing, I blame myself for everything, which is ridiculous. I’m constantly telling my husband that it’s my fault we can’t have children, it’s my fault nothing has worked, MY body is the one ruining our lives. Everyone tells me it’s not my fault but every day I feel so guilty and like an utter failure. I can’t believe how hard this all is.

Purpledazzle27 profile image

I only took two days off work after transfer and that was more to avoid stress than any kind of physical exercise. When I went back to work I had to climb several flights of stairs. My cycle was successful so don’t blame yourself thinking that was the reason for your cycle not being successful. Be kind to yourself xx

Glassway profile image

Thanks ladies for giving me hope and inspiring words, that give me a courage to book a follow up appointment and maybe it will be better next time

silvanti_78 profile image

I went for a two mile walk after transfer ( after the 90 mins rest there ) less then 48 hours later I sat on a plane ! I read you should do what you always do - except hardcore exercise . Feel hugged

In a natural pregnancy women dont know theyre pregnant and just carry on as normal so it wont have an affect you going straight bk to work. With my son i had a natural pregnancy and was doing Muay Thai 3 times a week, getting drunk with my mates and ran every day! Didnt have any idea i was preggers! My last double embie transfer failed and i was back at work doing an office job so sat on my bum all day for the first week and the second week i was off work so chilled out on sofa that week too. xxx

Daury profile image

Hey there how are you? Hope you are fine. Well my dear its all natural. You are not the only one who are facing difficulty during IVF treatment. Blaming yourself for something you are not even responsible is very bad dear. Its ok if things didnt worked well in IVF. You can try again. I will suggest you to go for other option too like surrogacy. It is like a last hope for infertile women. Things are going to be perfectly fine very soon.Our prayers and good wishes are with you. Dont loose hope. Stay Blessed.

js7479570 profile image

Hey dear! I hope you will be all right. I really felt very sorry to know about your miscarriage. But you don't need to be worried anymore. Everything happens for a reason. just move and learn from the past failure. Don't be so upset. Look for the goals you have to achieve. I have also suffered from all of this circumstances. I had to face infertility for 3 years after my marriage. Miscarriages often happen but we should seek the mistakes. You should go for it again. I hope everything will be fine. Just be positive and hopeful. My sympathies

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