Failed to conceive again

[LisaHarada]

Hello everyone, I am feeling a bit upset and thought I could share my feelings with fellow members who might understand. I am 42 years old, been trying to conceive for 3 years and failed 2 rounds of IVF. I had one Day 5 blastocytes on both rounds, but both failed to implant. I took 2 months off and since then have been focusing on my diet, organic as much as I can help it, ditched all plastic containers, started coQ10 as recommended by the book "it starts with the egg", trying not to stress too much... I even tried not moving too much during ovulation. All in the hope of maybe I will just be lucky enough to conceive naturally. Well, no such luck as I found out last month and today. So, feeling a bit down and don't really know what else to do at this stage. I suppose I can try another round of IVF but it is difficult and I have only had 5 eggs retrieved each time and one blastocyte each time. Perhaps I can learn from fellow members on how to deal with disappointment month after month. I did not want to be too upset in front of my husband as we have had some rows regarding this to the point that he said he would rather not try again if I am going to be this upset each time I fail. Sorry to blabber, just in need of some guidance and advice.

[Nat246]

Hi Lisa sorry to hear you are struggling. 5 eggs is a good amount still, Ive had less. And people have more and it not work.

I’ve always been told not to focus on the numbers too much as it’s about quality. So don’t let past cycles deter you if you want to try again. Every reason to believe a new cycle will be different.

I’m not sure I cope with the disappointment well, I just stick my head in the sand which isn’t very healthy. And focus on what is next xx

[LisaHarada in reply to Nat246]

Hey Nat, thank you so much for responding and for taking time to write this. It helps a lot to feel that I am not alone. My clinic is not going to open until after the summer, so I will just have to sit tight and as you said, plan for the next move.. Take care yourself too.. xxx

[Miracle43]

Hi lovely,

I’m so sorry to hear how you are feeling,

I was in exactly the same position last week and what you have written could of been me.

I’m 43, had a mmc in March and have been focusing on trying naturally.

My period arrived on Thurs, to say I had a meltdown was an understatement. I hoped with all I had that this month would be my lucky one.

The max number of egg I have had is also 5. My clinic has had the go ahead to re open so I’m currently planned for our last cycle of ivf. I’m so scared and anxious, it’s so hard to keep positive with time running out.

I know you don’t want to show how upset you are but you have to let it out. I spent thurs & fri in a mess, but I do feel a bit better for letting it out.

I have also been listening to Oprah on thinking positive which has helped .

Sending you virtual hugs.

[LisaHarada in reply to Miracle43]

Hey Miracle, just when I was feeling upset and needed a pickup, these lovely message arrived including yours. I am just slightly behind your journey but totally get the anxiety. It is not just the daily injections, but also the weight gain, then the harvesting of the eggs, the egg count, implantation.. And of course the dreaded 2 week wait... It is a lot because we have so much riding in it. The only thing I can say is to reach out during the process as I've been through all that, and I hope that I can support you the same way that you are doing for me.. xxx

[Lilly12255]

Hi, 5 eggs is very good, it's 2.5x more than me! so keep positive as there are people in lot worse position. I am doing another cycle asap. good luck xx

[LisaHarada in reply to Lilly12255]

Hey Lilly, thank you for responding to me, if only those blastocytes stick, I'll be a happy camper. I will try to think of the positive and will them to...

[Hidden]

Hey

You are definitely allowed a down day or two, this whole scenario really sucks.

I know its easy for me to say but to get to blasto is great in itself - shows things are good quality. I have had 4 rounds and a total of 11 embryos transferred - I have only got to blasto in one round.

I am 43 so feel your pain, and my AF is due any day now and I just know I am out again this month. OH didnt quite manage to perform on the right days and I get so upset and so hurt and so angry, all a bit irrational really.

I have had a number of MC too, which pile on the sadness.

Wanted to send you a huge hug and say it could always be the next round, so if you can afford to and are mentally strong enough go for it. I am hoping to embark on round 5 if my clinic ever answer their phones. In the meantime I am just realistic about the fact there are going to be good days and bad days. Just dont bottle it up, so have a good cry and a poor me couple of days then pick yourself up and back to positivity again

I think Covid and lockdown is causing us all issues. Partly because we can't do anything positive in terms of IVF, partly because we have so much time to think and partly because we can fill our lives normally with non-baby things to almost justify/convince ourselves that we are find without a family .. but when you are stuck at home thats just not possible and seems to magnify all the desperation

We are all with you and send you lots of love xx

[LisaHarada in reply to Hidden]

Hey Daisy, thank you for your support and love. I have read some of your posts and I know that you are going through some rough time too on this journey, and yet you still find the strength to comfort others when they need it the most, so I have the utmost respect for you. You do deserve more than this roller coaster journey, but I am glad that we are sticking to this together. xxx

[CC2018]

I would ask your clinic if it is safe for you to take baby aspirin (1 a day) and/or clexane as part of your next protocol. It can really help with implantation. Good luck xx

[LisaHarada in reply to CC2018]

Thank you, it is worth asking the question!

[treezuk]

I just wanted to say I’m so sorry your going through all this atm it’s horrible to hear people struggling and it’s nice that you have least have here to reach out and get support.

I can’t give any advice I wish I could as I did Donor Egg ivf (@35yo) but what I will say is it took me 4 transfers to finally get pregnant and now have beautiful twin boys so hang in there 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

[LisaHarada in reply to treezuk]

Thank you so much and so happy for you that your journey ended on a pot of gold You gave me hope that it is possible.

[treezuk in reply to LisaHarada]

Always happy to lend an ear if you want to talk ♥️

[Hidden]

Hi Lisa, sorry to hear about your experience. I am also 42 and totally understand how you are feeling. You have been doing everything in your power. It is great you produced blastocysts in your last cyles. If you are mentally ready to go for another cycle, you could ask your consultant to tweak your protocol or try an ERA if progestrone is low. Best of luck! X