A week today till 12 week scan...

[Kelz2020]

And I’m riddled with the anxiety on a whole new level ...

I think I’ve got something wrong with me... 6, 7.5 & 10 week scans all fine with ❤️Beat. Yet I’m sat here today and have done a preg test this morning (don’t ask why, it proves nothing) and feeling as far from pregnant as possible and asking all the what if’s under the sun.

I’ve had no symptoms the whole way through so no real change there tbh. Yet I seem to be searching still and checking my tummy and all sorts 🤦🏼‍♀️

I know what causes this feeling deep down. It’s my own reading up and Googling. Also because after the hell to get here I’m questioning how our first round is still, by all accounts, going strong.

I’m even embarrassed I’m posting this yet am going to anyway. Surely I’m not normal and this amount of miscarriage reassurer checking and Googling is not humanly normal. Roll on next Friday.

[Stephybivf]

I have to admit I was the same! I even borrowed a Doppler from work and used it several times a day 🙈

I think it’s perfectly normal for us to experience such anxiety as it’s taken us so long to get our babies and you think after each scan you will relax..... you don’t!

I know it’s easier said than done as I was exactly like you, but try and enjoy your pregnancy and I’m sure after your 12 week scan and 20 week scan when you start feeling baby move you will feel more relaxed!

I think also you just can’t believe it’s real and happening to you!

Good luck for your scan lovely and I’m sure everything will be absolutely fine xx

[Kelz2020 in reply to Stephybivf]

Thank you for replying. I just feel so silly. I’m fine after the scan then a day or two later and bam! It’s so unlike me as I’m so super positive normally.

I keep praying that I’ll relax after my 12 weeks but when you’re on furlough and in a Scary world right now I seem to just clock watch.

I am tempted with a Doppler but also scared I’d mess up and turn myself into a manic frenzy.

I mean the stats from 10 weeks to 12 after seeing a heartbeat are so minimal yet I still worry. Gahhh.

I got emotional reading this because you know you can’t be alone and I’ve read similar by searching but that affirmation is reassuring .

Thank you. I’ll update I’m sure xx

[Ala00]

Hi Kelz2020, it's totally normal how you're feeling. I've had two scans too and every moment of the day I'm not feeling sick I sometimes worry! It's totally normal. I'm not sure about you but my journey has been long and painful so I get very anxious. When I feel myself getting worried, I look at the scan photos and it relaxed me.

Can I ask why you've had so many scans? Were there complications? I can imagine this makes you feel even more anxious.

Also remember that everyday the risk of bad things happening goes down. If you have no worrying signs, just try and relax. Meditation works for me, or when you have negative thoughts, think of a counteracting thought you can chant after it. Mine is "my baby is going to be healthy". Hope that helps

[Kelz2020 in reply to Ala00]

Hey lovely, thanks for replying and reassuring me. I feel so silly.

The journey to get here has been tough but touch wood this is our first ever round of ICSI and so far so good. Probably why I’m so worried and almost in disbelief. I have been dealt my fair share of bad luck in life so perhaps it’s just our turn.

I have been doing just that - looking at the scans.

Good question re scans and shamefully I can only answer - because of my anxiety.

6 weeks was because I couldn’t wait till our official clinic one at 7.5 weeks And 10 weeks because I felt 12 weeks from 7 felt forever 🤦🏼‍♀️. In my defense too I did have some brown discharge which worried me but otherwise nothing. Nothing at all, no reasons to believe why anything would be wrong.

And that’s the part I struggle with. I’ve had no symptoms and no issues (I don’t wish these on anyone of course) so I almost wouldn’t know I was pregnant unless I’d not had ivf.

Maybe Im a serial scan addict & just need a straight jacket 😂?!

Xx

[Sarahmanc]

I did it too. You worked so hard to get pregnant that you can’t believe you actually are. The 12 week scan does bring some relief though. As the pregnancy progresses you start to feel more confident.

Also, I was advised not to use dopplers because unless you’re an expert, you’ll have no idea if you’re hearing your own heartbeat or the baby’s!

And stay away from Google. I’ve been doing online courses through Udemy to keep my mind occupied through lockdown. Maybe give that a try?

[Kelz2020 in reply to Sarahmanc]

Sarah, thanks for replying my sweet.

I’m pleased to hear from so many that the 12 week brings relief.

As I said to my partner - ultimately why do we worry?! Because you can’t control the uncontrollable and no amount of worryOmg is going to change anything anyway. What will be will be. I know all this but I’m still a bag of nerves and anxiety.

I don’t think I’d touch a Doppler tbh. It would petrify me if I couldn’t work it properly.

That’s a good shout re the online courses. My midwife also told me about the free online antinatel Courses online due to Covid so maybe I should check those out. My partner is working from home so it’s quite lonely at times.

I even feel bad for talking about the what if’s because I know how blessed I am to have even got this far in a first cycle. I hope I don’t come across selfish or anything because that’s not me at all. I simply just struggle to control the fear and worry.

Xx

[Sorax in reply to Kelz2020]

I get it I turned 12 weeks today and because of a late midwife appointment I’m still waiting for my scan date ☹️ think I’m gana just got for a private one! But honestly I no it’s easy to say but just try and enjoy the pregnancy. I’ve told myself if something happens I no I’ve done everything right and it’s out of my hands and just trying to enjoy everyday. I think I already told you but I got a Doppler which is great but obviously you don’t no if the baby is growing okay so although it does help only a scan is going to tell you if everything is alright. But the Doppler has deffo helped me. Xxx

[Kelz2020 in reply to Sorax]

Sorry to hear you’re still waiting for you scan date. That’s bad. Maybe a private one then hun.

I am trying so hard to enjoy it. I just think right now life isn’t normal And if I had my usual work and life routine I wouldn’t be half as bad. I know I can say that as I know no different but i am not busy day to day and that doesn’t help.

You did mention about the Doppler and so glad it’s helped you. Fingers crossed for a scan for you soon xx

[Sunshine92]

You are almost almost there! Hang on in there! The countdown to my 12 week scan was i think the worst few days of this journey 🙈 and when i was in there is was all so surreal i dont think i took it all in. I’m still having trouble believing the baby i see on the screen is actually in me. 1 more week to go, you can do this! No news (i.e no bleeding or pain etc) is good news.

I’m 15 weeks tomorrow and the panic has set in again that my baby isnt growing and wont be there at my next scan 😔 i think its something we’ll feel all the way through our pregnancies xx

[Kelz2020 in reply to Sunshine92]

Oh sunshine, the lady I’ve followed so closely - my journey mimics yours. I know so so close yet feels so so far and feels like years to even get here. I know I’ll blink though and baby will be here.

Nope no reason, no bleeding etc. Had the typical on and off period aches which is the uterus stretching and moving but otherwise fine.

Just remember you are over that 12 week milestone so it’s like a 1% chance or something. That’s teeny tiny so please focus on the positives. I’m good at dishing advice but pants At taking my own - there’s a surprise 😬.

I’ll keep yous updated anyway after next week. I love the forums until I read something sad which sets sheer panic - but that’s reality. I just like to hide from reality if I’m honest. Xx

[DC5867]

I don’t know if normal is the right word for it but you’re certainly not alone! I had recurrent miscarriages and during my first successful pregnancy I was a lunatic. I had a scan every two weeks as I was classed as high risk and was consultant led, so that helped. I really can’t tell you how many pregnancy tests I took in the first couple of months but it was a lot. It did get easier once I was halfway and you can feel your baby moving. It just seems like a long road to get there! Just take it one day at a time and try to fill your day with distractions. I would add a note of caution in that I think not dealing with my anxiety during pregnancy did lead to me being very anxious when my baby arrived. I used to have feelings of terror if someone wanted to hold him and if my husband went to him when he woke at night I used to lie awake in fear anyway in case he fell asleep holding him or something. So best to try to learn how to manage it early on and find ways to relax. Sounds like it’s going very well anyway, congratulations and good luck x

[Kelz2020 in reply to DC5867]

I’m so sorry you’ve had such trauma. Even hearing that word sends my stomach in knots and I’ve not experienced it. I can’t even begin to imagine the feeling.

Anyway, look where you are now 😃.

I like your honesty about the anxiety. I seems in lockdown I’ve not just got the pregnancy anxiety I’ve got separation anxiety from my OH too. To the point where when he leaves to go to a shop I hate it. We’ve spent so much time together of late and not had our normal routines that I feel im literally relying on him For everything! I need to kick that because postnatal depression has run in my family too. Gahhh.

I think after 12 weeks I might come off here and social media too. I feel I need a detox from reality. I hate to think what my screen time is since the start of this pandemic. It’s doing me no good whatsoever.

Thank you so much for your wishes. I hope and pray bean is still cooking nice and lovely xxx

[DC5867 in reply to Kelz2020]

Thank you for your kind words. Yes I am indeed in a very different place now - two happy and healthy boys from two ivf pregnancies. I would never have believed it a few years ago.

The fact you have identified your anxiety and are conscious that PND is in your family means you’re already one step ahead in looking after your mental health. Pregnancy and birth is difficult for everyone, let alone when it is coupled with fertility issues, and now you’ve got lockdown on top of it! Just take one step at a time and be kind to yourself. This is such a precious time, do what you need to to look after yourself and your baby. Wishing you all the best for a happy and healthy pregnancy x

[Mystic9]

Don't apologise for your anxiety. I also have my 12 week scan on Friday coming! I've had 5 scans so far - at 5 weeks at the epu because I had pain and bleeding, 6 weeks routine at the ivf clinic, then I've paid for private scans at 8 weeks, then at 9 weeks as I had more bleeding, then 11 weeks because I was convinced the baby would stop developing when I stopped all the ivf drugs at 10 weeks. Thankfully all of them have been fine and if it gives you reassurance and reduces anxiety, then why not?!

I think because it has taken so long to get to this point, I'm just expecting something to go wrong. I'm a midwife so I know the chances of miscarriage now is low, but it still doesn't stop me worrying.

Good luck for the next scan xx

[Sarah_a_2018]

I was the exact same and had scans just about every week until 12 weeks and then had private ones in between the NHS ones where we could, a lot of places closed for the lockdown.

I'm nearly 27 weeks pregnant,.my baby hasn't left my womb yet and I probably have enough scan photos to start a photo album already 🙈 I've had no complications and baby is hitting all the milestones with measurements etc but I can't shake the fear that something can or will go wrong and after everything we've been through to get here I don't think it'll feel real until there's a screaming baby in my arms!

What you're experiencing is totally normal and there's absolutely no risk to you or the baby having additional scans - they've done research which shows that it helps with emotional well-being and bonding.

When you go through IVF or any fertility treatment you're used to having ongoing support from the clinic when you need it and your appointments are more regular and frequent and then when you do finally get pregnant you're treated like it's a normal pregnancy in that they just leave you to grow your baby and you don't see a midwife or doctor for weeks! I haven't had the best antenatal care which hasn't helped my anxiety but now that I'm getting closer to the third trimester I'm feeling less anxious that something will go wrong or happen to the baby. I do think there needs to be better support available for women who become pregnant from fertility treatment, especially those that have had miscarriages and stillbirths.

It does get easier as your pregnancy progresses, hope everything goes well with your 12 week scan I'm sure it will be fine xx