Have I messed it all up?

[BetsyBo]

Hi everyone,

Hope you’re doing well amidst this chaos...

I was lucky enough to to get to egg collection before they postponed treatment due to covid.

Since egg collection however, my lifestyle has taken a serious downturn. I’ve put on a little weight due to eating poorly and the alcohol and caffeine intake has definitely increased. Every weekend I tell myself I’ll ‘be good’ but I just can’t. I rang my clinic last week and they said I won’t hear anything about progressing with my FET until at least next week.

I’m just feeling really down on myself- have I messed up my chances?

I talked to my husband about waiting and giving myself more time to get healthy again but he’s really keen for us to go ahead as his view is that we’ve already waited too long (which I do also agree with)

I’m just feeling confused and annoyed with myself.

Just wondering how people generally prepare for a FET / how far in advance and whether you think I’ve completely messed this up? X

[Italy300618]

Hey lovely, try not to be too hard on yourself, add coronavirus onto an already stressful fertility process its bound to happen. I've been the same to be honest, we had a good month of eating and drinking what we want and I'm heavier than I want to be at the moment.

But we drew a line in the sand a couple of weeks ago, and both set to. I will be doing a fresh, so I've given myself 8 weeks to get back on the health train. Having listened to zita west she recommends a 4 to 6 week prep for ivf. Which really isnt that long, if you wont here for another week anyway, that's only a few more weeks. I would say draw a line in the sand, and go from now anything you do in even a small space of time will be beneficial, so dont stress about it because thats more detrimental than actually eating healthily. Good luck, you got this xxx

[BetsyBo]

Ahhh thanks Italy.

It’s just so difficult to strike a balance. I’m fairly good in the week because I’m still working as normal it’s just when the weekend comes I just think ‘blow it’ and then end up regretting it 🙈

Thanks so much for the comment. It does help and I am really going to follow your advice and draw the line!

Good luck with your transfer (and getting back on the health train) lovely 😊

xxx

[Italy300618 in reply to BetsyBo]

Very difficult to strike a balance, but you'll do it 🥰 best of luck with your transfer too xx

[Twiglet2]

Your embryo quality is set in stone now anyway as they’ve been collected so the most important thing now is to get your self in a good preparation place for the transfer and remember that means healthy body AND mind! I highly doubt a few weeks of lockdown treating yourself can’t be undone with a couple of weeks of healthy eating and exercise now 😘 your mental health is just as important so don’t beat yourself up lovely and don’t stress yourself on some crazy diet now, do what feels right/best for you 🤗 it’s exciting your clinic is nearly ready to let you know about your transfer eeeek! Good luck to you and hope you hear soon xx

[BetsyBo in reply to Twiglet2]

Thanks so much for the lovely message Twiglet. I’ve found it so funny how, throughout this this whole process, you can be on top of the world after overcoming one hurdle only to be brought back down thinking about the next. So yes you’re right it is exciting that we can start again soon- I really haven’t thought about it like that!

I know you’re so right. It’s just so much easier to beat myself up- but that will obviously impact my mental health!

I do just need to get into a better frame of mind xxx

[Sunshine92]

Definitely do not beat yourself up! You’ve given your mind and body time to relax and forget about all the stresses of IVF leading up to egg collection - that can also be a good thing over letting ivf control YOU and what that does to you mentally.

I told myself Mon - Thurs I was going to be really good. I’d try my best (yeah we all have the odd slip up!) to eat well, cut out caffeine, massively reduce sugar, do some form of exercise whether that meant gym or a nice walk. Whatever works best for you. Then allowed myself grace on the weekend a little with eating what i fancied and having a propper cup of tea!

I’m a very structured person anyway so this worked for me, but i know it wont work for everyone. Start by making small changes.

You have NOT ruined your chances, you’re a human being who has been through a lot xx

[BetsyBo in reply to Sunshine92]

Thanks for this Sunshine.

That sounds like a really good way of doing it. I think I probably would lean naturally towards doing something like that too tbh.

Thanks for the message - I find it so hard to be kind to myself in this process ... xxx

[HelenJudi1]

I had my egg retrieval in the August and I knew I would be having a FET. In the September I went on a ten day holiday with my family where I ate and drank everything and anything I wanted... I just really went for it. I didn’t beat myself up and then about two weeks (ish) before my transfer (in October) I started being ‘good’ again. So no alcohol or caffeine etc and I had a successful transfer. I honestly believe that giving myself some ‘blow out’ time helped achieve it. Mental strain and beating ourselves up all the time isn’t good for us... mentally or physically. You’re in a great position and if you think it could be in the next few weeks then I would just draw a line now and you’ll feel so much better for it, but don’t stress on anything that’s happened over the last few weeks...x

[BetsyBo in reply to HelenJudi1]

Thanks for sharing your experience Helen- it is really helpful to know that I might not have ruined it all for us!

I think I’ll try and park what has already happened and try to make some positive changes now 😊

[Peanutchips]

Feeling EXACTLY the same as you Bets! My FET was cancelled due to Covid19 and I felt so stressed and down all my healthy habits went out the window. Unfortunately I’ve put back on some of the weight I tried hard to loose before egg collection. BUT, I’m just going to be as healthy as I can from here and not stress about it too much. I got a food journal off Amazon and started writing what I’m eating down. Mostly to make sure I’m getting good nutrients rather than to deprive myself. I’ve personally found it helpful xx

[BetsyBo in reply to Peanutchips]

Ahh that’s a great idea!

Food journal sounds like a good idea too! I’ll give that a go because I’ve always found that when I log what I’m putting into my body it always makes me more mindful and less likely to over indulge anyway- thanks so much for that! Xxx

[Suzy86]

I was really health conscious for my first retrieval and 2 FETs and none of those were successful. Before my latest retrieval I went on a big 2 week holiday, ate and drank everything I wanted. Came home and did the same within reason, I stopped alcohol and cut back on caffeine (although not completely) and that’s about it and believe me I’m a massive sugar junkie!! I didn’t put any extra stress on myself regarding food, I enjoyed feeling more relaxed about it all and not putting pressure on myself and I was very lucky in that I was successful in that round. I think diet and exercise do have an impact but we put too much pressure on ourselves as it’s one of the only things we can control in this process. I think what I’m trying to say is do what makes you happy whether that’s being super healthy or allowing yourself to indulge a bit. Your mental well-being is just as important when embarking on IVF and you’ve already had your retrieval so embryo quality won’t be impacted. I’m not saying to go crazy but there is nothing wrong with eating that slice of cake or 2! Good luck with FET and I hope you can get going soon. Xx

[BetsyBo in reply to Suzy86]

Thank you Suzy, that’s all really reassuring to hear. Thanks so much for replying xxx

[Solly-44]

Hey lovely,

I don’t think you’ve messed up your chances at all!

For my first FET I was an angel 😇 for about 6 months, no booze, ate perfectly, etc. For my last one I drank until a couple of days before the transfer and ate what I wanted. I honestly don’t think it makes a huge (if any!) difference as long as you get it together at transfer time. Don’t beat yourself up about it, you’re doing something hugely stressful at a hugely stressful time! Good luck xx

[BetsyBo in reply to Solly-44]

Thanks Solly xxx

[JulieOcean2]

Hiya!

You def haven’t messed it up! My first 2 transfers I was SO strict! My 3rd transfer I was feeling quite down and had a Full on night out with my friends the weekend before, and this one took hold and i now have a 1 year old.

Personally I think stress is worse than an odd tick off the avoid list xx

[BetsyBo in reply to JulieOcean2]

Thanks Julie. Really appreciate you sharing that. It has really helped reduce my worries 😊xxx

[KiboXX]

I know lots of people have already said this but you really haven’t messed anything up! Your embryos are safe and sound, you’ve already done the hard bit ♥️

I drank and ate what I wanted before my FET, I even had a glass of wine the night before my transfer (which worked!). Don’t stress yourself out with controlling everything. I think it’s much more important to be happy and relaxed then to micromanage everything you eat and drink.

Good luck! xx

[lianm8]

With my first fresh and fet transfer I was so good didn’t drink ate healthy ate pineapple etc etc and both failed. When I wasn’t so uptight still had a couple of drinks (obviously not after transfer) ate as you said good through the week and not as good at weekends my next frozen transfer was positive. Little girl is now 3 - and my next fresh round I did the same and my other little girl is 18m. While I know you shouldn’t go ott what I’m trying to say is don’t get so caught up in overthinking sometimes I think that worry can cause more stress of yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. Good luck for your fet xxxx

[Hidden]

Thank you for posting this Betsy. I had the same feeling (also waiting for fet). Its so reassuring to read the replies you got isnt it! I let my self go as well because otherwise I would have been so depressed (i have those days too) but without eating or drinking in this lockdown I seriously dont know how to survive. The only thing i did from last week is being back on all my supplements (pregnacare, vitamin d, omega 3, probiotics and recently dhea) because during my fresh i was only on pregnacare so thought lets try some more. I also purchased a smartwatch to make sure i have my 30 minutes of exercise (which is for me walking or light yoga). Now its just waiting x x

Lets not be hard on ourselves xxx

[Catlady12345]

Hi BetsyBo,

I’m the same as you, but I’ve been so so bad during lockdown 🙈 I’ve been baking most days and eating them haha, sweets, caffeine, gin you name it, there’s nothing I haven’t eaten or drank!! I have put on a bit of weight and spoke with my consultant on Monday who just laughed and said not to worry. There’s people who don’t have IVF and constantly eat terribly who fall pregnant with healthy babies so I genuinely don’t think it makes too much difference.

I’m going to cut out the coffee again, and generally try to tidy up my diet again but I’ll certainly be snacking on the odd biscuit and cake as I think I’d be more stressed on a diet!

You’ll be fine, wishing you the best of luck xx

[MrsWright87]

I wouldnt fret too much lovely. I'd say we are all in the same boat, I know I definitely am! Our fertility journeys are stressful enough, nevermind adding in lockdown to the equation!

You have your little embaby frozen so the quality of your embryo won't be compromised 😊 xx

[BetsyBo]

Thanks so much to everyone for your replies. I can’t tell you how much your stories, reassurance and advice has helped me.

Good luck everyone and thanks again 😘