Talk to me... Dealing with fear & wander 😳😳😳

[Kelz2020]

Hi ladies, hope you’re all ok.

Am 8w 2d. I only had a scan last Friday and saw our little bean with heartbeat but already I want another scan! How do you ladies handle your anxiety?

Also I’ve not really had many symptoms from the start but often wonder at this stage should I have some change in belly?! I feel bloated and heavy down there but that’s it.

And lastly - and my biggest issue - is how do those on here deal with seeing all the sad stories when you’re trying to focus on positivity I feel I see more bad stories than good? I know it’s reality, I’m not hiding from it but it cripples me. I then find myself googling odds and stats. Surely that’s not healthy. I’m mean no offense and I can’t imagine what those poor ladies go through.

I’m rambling aren’t I. Sorry.

I am trying so hard to enjoy my pregnancy but I find It strange that I can’t feel or see my bean and weeks feeling like months.

Xx

[Sam_82]

Hi,

I can totally relate to what you’re going through. My little one is nearly a year old now and I wish I could have enjoyed my pregnancy more at the beginning but I was full of anxiety. I googled statistics FAR too much although it soothed me to think that as each day passed the chances that my baby would make it increased. I clung to that. I got a lot of scans and usually these gave me reassurance for only a couple of days. For me things did get better. In about 10 weeks or so you’ll probably start to feel movement and it is the most reassuring thing. I had a couple of big melt downs during my pregnancy that were triggered by reading sad stories on here so I made the decision to stay off of it until baby came. I’m so glad I did that. One ‘mantra’ that I tried to tell myself is that I don’t know what tomorrow holds but today I’m pregnant. And I had wanted to be pregnant for a long time so I tried to cherish it & let myself feel good about that. I also started a wee journal writing notes for my baby about how I felt. I tried to keep that positive (no mention of stresses or worries) and that helped me focus on the good thoughts.

Best wishes to you for your pregnancy! I know it’s hard to let go of the worries especially when you just want time to speed up. Just try to keep busy (easier said than done during lockdown I know) xx

[Kelz2020 in reply to Sam_82]

I thought nobody was going to reply to me and that I was being ridiculous. So thank you for taking the time to respond.

I got teary reading your reply. It’s reassuring you can relate. I’ve tried coming away from the forum but it’s like an addiction because the positive posts keep me hopeful and positive. I’ve got this miscarriage reassurance calculator I was given and it’s actually really reassuring seeing the stats go down day by day.

Because of lockdown (which definitely isn’t helping) I can only get a scan about 30 miles away which I’ve already done at an early scan before my clinics scan last week.

Maybe I’m not keeping myself occupied enough in lockdown, again difficult when you don’t want to over do it.

I literally clutch onto other people’s positive stories and pray. I have better days then others and I find myself telling myself off and following a similar mindset to what you explained, then it vanishes then returns.

It’s my birthday next week and I never thought I’d be 34 and pregnant after the amount of years TTC. I guess as well I can’t believe I’ve been lucky to get a BFP on my first go and all be well so far... it just seems this happens few and far between so one should not be hopeful. Of course I am.

Lovely to hear your story and you’ve a beautiful bundle of joy xxx

[Sunshine92]

Have you jumped into my head and stolen my thoughts without me knowing? 👀 you are me EXACTLY. Down to a T and have summed up the past 7 weeks for me.

I’m 11 weeks pregnant today. So far ive had 4 scans (one viability at clinic, 3 private at 6, 9 and 10 weeks). As Sam_82 said, they reassure me for a few days but after that those doubts creep in again, despite everything being absolutely fine each time.

MMC seems so common on here, and i’m convinced its going to happen to me too. Ive gone on EVERY WEBSITE, article, forum possible thats talked about miscarriage trying to reassure myself but each time i just seem to panic myself more.

Like you ive had next to no symptoms. I’m quite petite anyway at a size 6/8 and i seem to have a rounder belly but literally thats it. It could be isolation chub but ive only put on 3lb and i figure it wouldnt make that much of a difference to my podge.

From 8.5 weeks what little symptoms i did have (intermittent sore boobs and tiredness) went completely. Ive had nothing since.

You have had no signs anything is wrong. You are doing all you can to look after yourself and little life inside you. You’ve had a scan and saw a heartbeat which massively reduces risk of miscarriage. YOU CAN DO THIS!

Isolation is the worst possible thing that could have happend to me being in early pregnancy, my mental health has taken a huge hit. I’m just taking things a day at a time. Message me whenever you’re having a wobble, its likely i will be too! xx

[Kelz2020 in reply to Sunshine92]

Thanks hun. I’ve actually followed you quite closely - kind of stalker like but not - from the start of my journey as your journey is pretty text book to mine. I’m a size 10 but have some loose skin from losing weight so it’s not easy to tell. So far I’ve gained 2lbs but tbh I think this isolation is not doing me any good on the eating front ( that’s me and my fiancé!) gannets!

Nope no signs anything is wrong at all. But then I think oh well nor do some who MMC. The mind is crazy when it wants to overthink.

Like you, I’ve read so many things and seem to find myself rereading the same ones after seeing someone’s sad post on here. I’m so predictable.

Thank you so much for your reply, I do appreciate it and of course willing me on 😃. I wish you all the success in the world with you onward journey xx

[KiboXX]

Hi Kelz2020,

I completely understand how you feel. The elation and security you get from that first scan is amazing but it soon wears off and you find the anxiety creeping back in. I booked an extra private scan for 10 weeks which helped a lot and breaks up that wait for your 12 week, I would definitely recommend it if you feel like the wait is too stressful.

I’m 18 weeks now and I would say I didn’t really notice a change in my belly until 12 weeks so don’t worry if nothing is going on there yet 😊

I know it’s hard seeing bad news but try to remember that you’ve beaten the really difficult odds and now everything is in your favour. Celebrate every milestone, you’ve been through a lot to get here and you deserve to enjoy it. Be excited ♥️ congratulations xxx

[Kelz2020 in reply to KiboXX]

Thanks for your reply, KiboXX. I posted then deleted then reposted because I feel bad to those who aren't in the same position as me and would long to be right now.

Anyway, it’s helped knowing ladies have the same mindset and thought processes. I’m keen to book a private scan at 9.5/10 weeks too. Like you say to break it up, 7-12 weeks is a long time and more so when in lockdown.

You’re right and I know all this about milestones then I get an hour or so and overthink again.

Strangely very unlike me. I’m always the one with all the positivity and advice and thought I’d do better on this journey but thus far I’m struggling to take my own advice and overrule my own mind.

It’s taken years and a lot of personal sacrifices to get here so yes I really need to start to relax and chill out

Take care sweetie xx

[Sorax]

I’m a week ahead of you and I totally get it. I’ve had 3 scans all together and still can’t get excited or emotional about it yet. Some day’s I’m feeling really sick some days nothing but everyone is different so don’t worry about the symptoms. I don’t no your back story but being pregnant for us is different we’ve waited and waited and now it’s here it’s really hard. I’m just staying realistic and thankful for how far we have came. I no seeing the sad stories is hard but unfortunately a lot of woman go through it. My sister had 2 miscarriages we are very close so I assume it’s going to happen to me you can’t help it. Stay positive keep your mind busy I’m currently playing on the PlayStation haha do whatever you need to do to help yourself 💖🤗

[Kelz2020]

Hey!

Thanks for replying. Another lady I’ve been following closely

I get that every woman handles symptoms differently and some are just lucky to get through parts of pregnancy with little or none. Similar backstory to you. Waited years and years TTC, tried Clomid several times and had to make some personal sacrifices too. As well as a huge friendship group where every single person has one or more children. So yes I am struggling to believe it’s real and we are where we are now.

In terms of the sad stories, you’re right, and as I say I’m totally a realist. I know it’s happening but I also need to remind myself of the size of people in the group - in terms of numbers. We’ve people all over the world and these are just a majority of millions of women. That aside I think it’s only natural for us all to worry.

I’ve been baking a lot, I’m a keen baker, trouble is that’s not the best thing atm because I want to eat it all.

I’m pottering and doing light cleaning when I can and mainly trying to keep sane as OH is still working where as I’m on furlough leave.

Sending love and hope for the rest of your pregnancy xx

[Chowlady14]

Oh huni I’m the same. I had a scan yesterday & saw a heartbeat which put my mind at rest after bleeding but wiped today saw a little spotting again and that’s me all over and depressed. I really do think the isolation is intensifying all of the emotions but hopefully it will start to relax soon and so will we. I’m 33 but my first pregnancy was 15 years ago, I was 17 & not a clue in the world. I literally sailed through it & now have a 14 year old best friend... I didn’t have a single symptom at any point and didn’t show until I was well into my 6th month (a very very different story 10 years on with my son) so what I’m trying to say if every pregnancy is different. Try not to compare to others or stats & trust in yourself! You’ve done amazing so far & at your point you are very close to minimal risk. You’ve got this mama xxxx

[Kelz2020]

All the ladies I follow closely are replying, that’s so sweet. You my love, have been through it so much already. It’s no wonder you’re struggling. Bless you.

I can tell you my emotions are very much there as you saying “you got this mama” made me tear up happy tears. Hearing that blows my mind and reminds me that yup I’m pregnant.

100000% that lockdown is a pain in the backside and not helping matters.

When we started this journey at the start of the year I would have never imagined it being so lonely. And by that I mean I assumed I’d still be working and surrounded by my work mates who I love, able to see my close family (who know about our ivf) and at least be kept busy!

Still, that aside I don’t want t sound ungrateful, of course I feel so blessed to be here. I just wish I could curb my anxiety.

As hard as I find it to read sad stories on here, my word you ladies have been my ray of hope when needing someone other than my OH. I’m grateful for that.

I hope your spotting settles, try to remember that scan and that it’s all ok. Easier said than done, I know.

Sending love and light xx