Positive thinking- how?

Hi all, I read a book about positive thinking and how it can impact on you getting a positive pregnancy test, but it’s had the opposite effect on me. I’m beating myself up, blaming myself for my miscarriages as I think that maybe because I was so scared it would go wrong, maybe it did because of my fears?

Are there any stories out there of people who worried but still made it through? My counsellor was angry when I told her about this book and said it was rubbish, but I think I need to hear some real life examples from women that have been through what I have to help me stop blaming myself.

[FrancyItaly]

I had a miscarriage, I was so depressed and angry as you can see from the posts in my profile. Something I never did was blaming myself, I know these things are not in our power! I’m not sure about this book but I can tell you that doing things that make me feel better is helping me become more positive. I started some meditation at home, yoga classes and healthy eating. It’s not a diet, I actually eat a lot but I included more and more nutritious foods in my diet. I take lots of supplements, take care of my skin and hair, go on walks, do acupuncture, avoid people who make me have negative thoughts. I left my job in October after my miscarriage because it wasn’t helping, I had a nice break and walked neighbours dogs to the park every day. I’m now ready and excited to start a new job. I know it might not sound that helpful, but the secret is to really take a good care of yourself, body and mind. The two things are linked. It’s important to know that you are doing all that is in your power to achieve your dream.

[Hidden in reply to FrancyItaly]

Hi, thanks for the reply. I am a positive person in general and I’m also doing meditation, yoga and acupuncture, but sometimes in spite of it all I feel a bit of a darkness take over that I can shift. I feel traumatised and that doesn’t go away.

[cggregory]

I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks and there have been times I’ve wondered whether that contributes to my infertility. I found this article from Psychology Today comforting and helpful. Bottom line: infertility causes stress, but stress does not certainly cause infertility. psychologytoday.com/gb/blog...

“Think about it. Women can conceive under the most stressful circumstances if there is no physiological problem — even traumatized women and war prisoners often get pregnant. If reproductive systems are as vulnerable to stress as many believe, the human species would have perished long ago. And that means the old advice, ‘Just relax and then you’ll get pregnant,’ is a myth.”

[Hidden in reply to cggregory]

Thank you so much- this has super helped. I think in wanting an explanation I’ve blamed myself. Thank you so much for taking the time to send this through. How are things going with you now?

[cggregory in reply to Hidden]

I totally understand where you’re coming from, love. This is such a frustrating process and sometimes when there are no answers, it’s easy to spiral and wonder if it’s your fault. Just know that it isn’t ❤️

I’m doing OK, thanks. Had a really rough failed first IVF cycle in December so taking a little break until late March for my second attempt. Trying to enjoy life and spend less time obsessing over all this stuff in the meantime...easier said than done!

Hang in there; I’ll be thinking of you xx

[Hidden in reply to cggregory]

Good luck for March. I’ll only be a few weeks ahead of you. I think taking a break can help. I’ve always been forced to do so as I’ve down regulated for 3 months prior to it.

[cggregory in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! Good luck for your next round, too 💪❤️

[ttcemmie in reply to cggregory]

Thanks for this article. It made a lot of sense to me.

[ttcemmie]

Positive thinking having an impact on a positive pregnancy test...... I don't buy it. It's just another way of blaming women! Can't believe we're still dealing with this! It's not your fault; these things are out of our control. Unfortunately. Otherwise, we'd all just choose to get pregnant. One doctor has actually told me to get drunk or go on holiday, relax and I'll get pregnant. Thought they were supposed to be medically trained, not give me old wives' tales! If all it took was getting drunk or going on holiday to get pregnant, I'd have hundreds of children by now!

[Hidden in reply to ttcemmie]

Argh! Those comments make me so mad! They don’t seem to realise that we weren’t always stressed, but after years of trying we do start to feel stressed!

I’m loving this chat room- I struggle to see logic for myself, but can when I’m chatting to other people and that then helps me to apply it to myself. Thanks- it’s nice to chat/ rant! 😂

[JuicyLu in reply to ttcemmie]

Totally agree. I get so sick of the mantra that ‘positive thinking’ makes any difference during treatment. It sounds like ‘magical thinking’ and has the massively unhelpful side effect of suggesting you might like yo blame yourself when it doesn’t work. So far IVF has made me more aware of how women are defined by their bodies and it’s turning me into more and more of a feminist 💪 Which is one positive outcome! x

[Hidden in reply to JuicyLu]

Ha ha, I love that attitude! I feel so much better talking to women on here- you’re right, it’s so rubbish that people almost put the blame onto us... kind of going through enough already here!!!

[Violet5451]

Oh lovely this book does not sound good. First ivf round for us I had no hope. Didn't feel like it would work at all and worried I would stop it from working because of this. I got my positive on otd. I was then convinced the viability scan would show no heartbeat... Viability scan was good. I was convinced 12 week scan would show no heartbeat... Scan was good. Even the day of my labour I thought it would still all go wrong. It didnt. My little girls is now asleep in her cot and 16months old. Please don't blame yourself. Stress does impact on fertility but thousands of stressed people get and stay pregnant everyday. I am living proof that thinking negatively doesn't cause negative things to happen. This journey is so hard without beating yourself up too. Be kind to yourself and know your doing the best you can. Praying you get your miracle soon xxx

[Hidden in reply to Violet5451]

Thank you so much for taking the time to send this, it has helped me feel so much better.

Congratulations to you with your little girl.