So, tested this morning and as my gut told me, it’s a ‘not this time’.
Can’t believe how long it took from EC to transfer, to get the answer of our first ever ICSI cycle.
It’s been nice pretending this past two weeks. 🤩💖🤗💐💖🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💖🤩
I guess this mornings answer is not really any different from any test I’ve taken over the past few years. My answers to all of ‘those’ questions will remain the same too.
Do you have any children? No😔
Do you want any? Yes🤩
Will you hope to have any in next few years?Hopefully🙏🏻
Would you not need to hurry up? I wish I could🙄
Would you like some wine? Yes please 🍷.
.........Leave the bottle 🥴😬😣😔😞
Nothing. Has. Changed. ........ there’s something in my eye 😢
12dp5dt BIG FAT NEGATIVE/ bloody f£&@“ing nasty..... that’s what it is 😠
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RhinoCat
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RhinoCat I’m so sorry to hear this. I knew your test day was today so was thinking about you this morning. I like the new name the stick of doom. I pray for you that it will happen for you.
Definitely have some wine and chocolate and some more wine.
Oh RhinoCat this is heartbreaking news and I can hear your sorrow. The best advice at this stage of this nightmare process is be kind to yourself and allow yourself all those emotions. Cry, scream, drink wine and watch rubbish TV. Do anything that will offer comfort at this moment. Then you must dust yourself off and keep going. So many women on here went through hell and high water to get their miracle but it happened! Sending you all my love and cuddles...❤🙏😘❤
No!!!! I’m so so sorry to read this, this AM. I feel for you so much and am sending all my love over to you. Why is this so hard???! I’d probably have some whiskey in with my caffeinated coffee to start the day and may well be doing on Monday morning. I hope you take some time out for yourself to get over this loss before starting again. IVF is like a mental struggle of mind over matter more than anything else and sometimes it’s just so so hard!! Lots of love to you xx
Thanks pet, it’s annoying but not devastating . Maybe I’ll feel different later. I think being forced to have a break between ec and transfer has made me realise that a pause will be fine then back on it. Big long breaks won’t be needed. I’ll be alright in a few days . A few days of whiskey coffees 🥃 ☕️
Ya know, .....I’ve wasted so much time in my life being devastated over stuff, it’s serves little purpose. I’ve also had a lot of hard things happen etc .
I know a bad day, trust me , this is not one of them .
Yes it’s sad, and I’ve cried , and I’ll cry some more. But, I’ll be ok. Eventually .
You ladies are amazing . So glad I found this treasure wall to check things out and feel supported. Without support I would not be so strong .
Likewise this forum keeps me going. It’s so amazing! You’re an inspirational woman, you really are, and a lot of people, myself included, will be heeding your words today as there are lots of us on the 2ww. Well done on your strength and sound mind and celebrate that today amongst the sadness 😘🤗xx
It defo helps to take the pressure off yourself in it all. You’ve tried your best, it’s out of everyone’s control , even the clever ‘lady bit’ doctors 😘 Sometimes, you’ve gotta wait for the special things 😘 and if you’re lucky, you’ll find some extra little bits of sparkle ✨ as you journey towards it.
Hugs for your remaining 2ww. I see strong and brave women all over this forum 💃🏼
Oh RhinoCat I’m so so sorry. I was really hoping for you 😢
I really like your description of the result being a ‘not this time’. This is so true!!!! It’s shit and devastating but not the end of the road. So great you already have another round booked.
I’d say a few wines wouldn’t hurt so indulge to your hearts content for a few days. You deserve it.
Thanks for cheering for me 😘. So glad my husband and I paid for two rounds up front. It defo has taken away excess pressure and allowed me just to do the journey whilst someone else does the sat nav instructions.
My clinic have been amazing and I’m glad because I don’t think I’d be looking to go back with nasty nurses or consultants. Looking forward to a few wines indeed. I’ll take any positive 😘 ( now I don’t know what excuse I’m using for not wanting to get back to my 5k running 🤣)
Ha ha ha!!! You’ll get back into it when you’re ready 😘 But, there’s no rush. This time of year the weathers generally rubbish anyway (hey - there’s your excuse!! 😂😘😂)
Well done for keeping your chin up. Looking forward is, I’ve found, the best way to stay positive.
Look after yourself though and allow yourself to feel blue. I think it’s a healthy part of the grieving process. I didn’t allow myself to cry and tried to stay positive for a couple of weeks after our last loss but couldn't shake the shitty feeling & remained out of sorts. Once I allowed myself to grieve (I actually threw myself a bit of a pity party for a few days 🙄🤦🏽♀️🤷♀️ - cue writing a long woe is me post) I got better and am now feeling really strong and ready to face things again! The reason I’m saying this is because if I kept putting a brace face on it & hadn’t allowed myself time to be sad, I think it would have taken me longer to get strong again? Dunno. I hope that makes sense and it somehow helpful?!
I’m sure you’ll be back to fighting fit in time for your next round but for now, Enjoy allllllllll the things! Cheese / wine / pate / more wine... and no running! 😝
Hi rhinocat sorry to hijack your post but hope do you mind letting me know which clinic are you with? I am thinking about changing clinic if my current cycle failed (otd tomorrow eeeeeeeeek). Thank you
So sorry RhinoCat, I’m totally gutted for you. BFN’s are indeed Bloody f@*king Nasty! I love your attitude and believe it will serve you well as you continue along this rough old journey. as you pick yourself up and try again. I’m glad that you have another round booked and really hope that you get your bfp very soon. But for now look after yourself and enjoy that well deserved wine! Sending all my love and hugs your way today lovely ❤️ xxx
Oh RhinoCat, I’m gutted for you this morning. You’re bloody amazing though, your whole attitude to this process is incredible and I have no doubt that you will get the BFP you deserve in the future. Sending you a big hug and a bottle of wine ♥️ xxx
Thanks for being here for me 💖 it means the world and helps me stay on my positive ship 🚢
( even though today it feels like there is a hole in the hull ..... tidal waves.... and shark infested water.🦈 🌊 . So today it’s: sails up for a few days of coasting ... then full steam ahead 😬)
Sharks may well be in the water, shame they don’t know 007 is piloting the ship (so they can F off)!!!!! You’d totally look gorgeous in a black tux! 😉💋
Full steam ahead indeed sis - we’ll get to destination!!! 🍀🤞🏻💋
Awe I so sorry to hear this time wasn’t the one. I had everything crossed for you! BUT - I think your attitude is amazing and is going to make your life so much better whilst you ride out this long wait (which hopefully is all it will be ). It’s so devastating and vulnerable doing actual tests but one thing I have found is that no matter how hard you cry on that day, the hopezone always returns and it can really change how you feel for the better. It’s never more than a few days/weeks away and being as positive as you are means for you, it’s likely just round the corner. I had a really rough few years until I got to point of ivf and then decided I simply couldn’t allow myself to have another rough few years, no matter what the outcome was. (Although easier said than done some days!!) Don’t get me wrong, this journey and constant set backs and disappointments is hard, but I simply refuse to let it own me or dictate my mood and enjoyment appreciation of life. I have found that by being positive, trusting the universe and kind to myself that this can be slightly more bearable than first thought. I feel like you have a similar perspective and im happy for you and inspired. I hope you can have a lovely treat this weekend and start to feel stronger for the next try. My nurse once said to me that it’s not about making yourself ready for baby and questioning stuff like that, it’s simply waiting for when they baby is ready for you. I truly hope that time is soon for you. You have been through a lot but already proving that you can come out of this stronger. You are an inspiration! Now go have some croissants, wine and a well early massage!! Xx
not a ⛰ or 🦁 or anything big.... just a little gentle creature that comes even in the midst of the toughest journeys. Just a gentle little creature that always pops up in the strangest of places and always nice to see. Think the poem finished
‘ I’ve heard it on the strangest land and on the strangest sea, but never did that little bird, ask a crumb of me’.
So sorry to hear this RhinoCat 😥 but absolutely love your spirit and strength. You really do put it all into perspective but it's good that you are allowing yourself the double caffeine, wine and everything else you need and deserve after stepping off the merry go round... 🍷 🥃 ☕️ 🍫 🍭
It won't be long before it all starts again 😊 and you are right it's a 'maybe next time'... 💜 You will get to answer those questions very differently soon lovely 😘😘
I'm so sorry RhinoCat, I wish it was a different outcome for you I really do. You're a super strong lady and you'll come back fighting ready for your 2nd round. Enjoy some luxuries, I remember popping to the shop at 7am buying wine and chocolate as we had tested so early in the morning. I'd eaten my Terry's chocolate orange by 8am 😂 the wine ...a little later haha.
I’m so sorry to hear you got a BFN and yes they should defo change the name to your suggestion! I’ve also had enough to agree highly with this 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🥰
Your positivity is amazing, as are you! Don’t give up and I know you will get what you rightfully deserve in the end. Lots of love to you xxxx
Oh RhinoCat. Nooooo. This is totally sh*t. Not fair at all! Those two weeks weren't pretending, though, they were hoping. It will be your time soon. Have a blowout this weekend - you deserve it after all the hard work you've put in. For me this would be coke (ca-cola), brie, sushi, and wine, but whatever it is that is your fancy that you're not allowed. Lots of love and hugs. xxxxxx We WILL get there.
Don’t give up, you can do this again and it will work for you just try and be patient.
I know you have been patient for years and years. When you finally get a child you will think it was all worth it and all these bad days will disappear forever ❤️
You are totally right about the forgetting thing! My friend who went through hell cant remember anything 🤣😂 which is great! Nice to know that one day , maybe it will all be a distant memory or even better, a forgotten one 😘
So sorry to read this, I had everything crossed for you.
Also amazed by how strong you’re being with it. This journey is one hell of a battle and I don’t doubt for a minute you’ll get through it and make an amazing mum.
Take some time for you and heal. I’ll be thinking of you xx
Thank you so much pet 🥰 isn’t it a shame we all can’t meet up for a cup of tea and a chat / cry marathon . Nice to know so many of you GET it. My counselling for trauma has helped me put my brain in a good space and reality check the life out of myself . I’m not strong every minute, I promise . 😘
I’m sorry to hear this Rhino, the news is sh*tty. Despite the agony you sound like a warrior, fighter, so it’s only a matter of time till your turn will come.
Totally let loose and follow your gut instinct, if that means loads and booze and caffeine. Then knock it back. Only you know you.
Luckily you have options regarding another round and nhs rounds so it’s gonna happen, I know so.
I’m more of a crisp warrior than a wine guzzler ! But I’ll definitely enjoy some tonight with the old husband. Heading out to a fab restaurant no matter about the outcome 😘
Im so sorry to hear this RhinoCat 😢 sending lots of ❤️ and hugs 🤗 your way. Your positive words on here really are inspirational you are a gem 🥰 I truly believe your time will come lovely 😘 enjoy your wine you deserve it xxx
Awh bless you. We all deserve it so on behalf of everyone on this wall who are lucky enough to not be allowed wine, I will take it upon myself to have a glass on their behalf 🥰🤩😂🤣
I'm so sorry to hear that this cycle hasn't worked for you sweety xx we have so much hope during the 2ww but it's just so out of our control. Take some time for yourself and sending you lots of love and hugs xxx 😘😘
Ugh I’m so sorry. I LOVE your new name of the stark white test strip of doom..so accurate! I too am enjoying much wine, tea and chocolate after my recent cancelled cycle..now how to get back on it? I love your positivity. IVF is a horrible game to play and I hope all of our dreams will come true eventually ♥️
Thanks Daisy 😂 every time I think of round 2.... I imagine the two fingered salute 🤗😂🤣 my brain is so random 🤗😂🤣 think it’s me giving the two fingered salute to the process itself 🙏🏻😎 ✌️ ( only rude way round 😋)
Have you heard any news from your surrogate ? 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💐
I call her everyday to ask how she is doing, she won't be testing till Wednesday. We both have our blood tests on Wednesday. I tested again today though and got a really faint positive but I don't want to keep my hope up since it's so faint. Wednesday is the real judgement day 😑.
Thank you for remembering my situation.. I will post updates.
I’m following your story and wishing you get your happy ending 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🤩🤩🤩💖💖💖 hopefully you will be alright . Imagine if you both got double lines 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 this would be just the best ever! Keep your heAd up and your heart strong .
Sending hugs of support as you try to stay relaxed and quietly hopeful 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💖💖💖💖💖
Thanks lovely lady . I like being positive so you can imagine how I felt when pee stick disagreed this morning. I’ve cried 4 times and will probably cry on and off for a few days yet.
It’s a hard journey for us all .......but isn’t it great there is a place for us to share our truths and support each other no matter what 😘
You never truly know how hard a day someone is having so I always try to be kind , it makes your own heart lift too.
So true. We become kinder and more understanding for others through our own pain. Empathy. Regardless it’s a shitty shorty feeling and exhausting. Fingers crossed for you for your next round 😊
Aww no RhinoCat, gutted to be reading this, I’m so sorry!!! Bloody f£&@ing nasty’s (think I’ll be using this from now on!!) never get any easier. I’m glad you’ve got your next round booked so something to focus on. But for now look after yourself, grab that wine and take it easy!! Sending lots of love 💕 xx
Thanks pet 💖💐 I think we are onto something with that new name! I personally think it defines it better 😁 haven’t dates yet for round two but the money has been paid. Hopefully they can think of something better to get more eggs to start with. We were doomed before we started really , but sure. It’s a learning curve . Just wish it was free 🤣😂☺️😂🤣
Ah RhinoCat... I'm so sorry love. Was hoping to see a happy post from you today 😭 Yesterday I too had to joy of waking up to that blank fu@#ing panel!!💔😢😢😢 Like you I'm gutted but the sorrow is a bit more tempered this time by acceptance. I would have loved to be amongst the lucky ones this time. But I wasn't. Doesn't matter how much I felt I deserved it, I'd suffered for it... it wasn't happening for me this time. I lost my grandma a few days ago and the grief from that has almost dried up all my tears for the time being, I think. Just feel empty rather than distraught. Enjoy all the (proper!) coffees and hot baths and all the other things we've been denying ourselves 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 xx
Awh pet, you’ve had a rough time 😞 sometimes things happen and we just need to remind ourselves to keep things in perspective .
I would also have loved to join the happy brigade , but it wasn’t the right time. Maybe next time ? If we don’t give up.
Sending you hugs of understanding for the ivf journey 💐💖💐💖
Sending hugs of comfort as you sit down and begin to process the hard feelings of losing your granny. There really isn’t anyone like a granny . You were lucky to have one and keep one for this length of time. May your heart be warmed by her memories 😘😘😘😘😘💖💖💖💖💖💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐
Honestly every post about negative test break my heart a little more 😔 I’m so sorry dear, I hope you never take another pregnancy test that turns negative.
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3rd IVF attempt 
advised to go to donor eggs
7DP5DT and spotting / bleeding...help?!?!?
So today I was brave!
