Should I try IVF again after a horrific missed miscarriage?

[orangeandfuzzy]

Nearly 4 years ago, I got pregnant through an ICSI cycle. I attended my 12 week scan full of hope and dreams, only to have them shattered. My baby had died at 8 weeks. The worst experience of my life.

I have since tried (and failed) to have a family through adoption, so my husband has started talking IVF again. Much as I don't want to disappoint him, I'm not sure I want a baby anymore.

I have always wanted children, but now I'm just so scared I can't commit to making a decision one way or another. On the one hand, I'd love to be a mum and experience the wonderful parenthood journey. On the other hand, we suffered so badly the first time that I have been terrified since.

My husband would like us to try again but I don't know what to do. I don't think I can survive that pain or heartbreak again

[ChristineB05]

Hi hun I'm so sorry that you have been through this.

I have had 3 MCs and I understand the heart break of finding out at a scan that your hopes and dreams have come to a shattering end. My first MC absolutely broke me, I never thought I could get through the utter heartbreak and pain.

Did you have you seek counselling? Might be worth giving it a try now?

Only you can decide if this is a journey you want to start again.

Take care and I'm here if you need a chat xx

[Orla9298]

Sorry you’ve had a tough journey so far. Ivf is mentally so draining, the whole process. I’m sure counselling may be a good idea, I can’t say that it made any difference to me though!

As a suggestion, why don’t you consider ivf with donor embryos, if you were ready to adopt? Couples donate their leftover embryos and it would at least save you the trauma of the ivf cycle itself - I found all the uncertainty and desperate waits such as the egg collection day, fertilisation call, day 3 and day 5 updates just awful. Embryos might be a less stressful way to try and grow your family. Xx

[Hope4another]

That sounds so tough. If you haven't done so, perhaps counselling together would help you work out what to do next x

[jengi]

I’m so sorry, the IVF process is beyond cruel. I’m so terribly sorry for your loss & that you are both still emotionally struggling. Post traumatic stress disorder is common, I hope you have reached out for help & support.

Ive never managed to get pregnant with my own eggs & have never experienced a MC. The journey of trying to conceive has had a huge impact on my mental health causing bouts of depression, something I’ve never experienced before. Fertility counselling was how I’ve got through & managed to keep going. In the end we went for donor eggs, and I’m 15 weeks pregnant today. I only stopped my weekly counselling 3 weeks ago. Donor is not for everyone but for me it was the best option as it gave us the best chance of success. It didn’t work first time which tore me apart, I was so close to waking away & leaving 5 excellent embryos in a freezer. I was terrified of trying again & it not working. In the end after a break, I agreed to a final attempt, mainly for my husband, he is so desperate to become a dad. And ethically I just couldn’t allow us to walk away, we had 5 embryos, 5 potential babies in the freezer, I’d always wonder what if. In this final transfer, I switched off emotionally, I just saw it as a robotic /mechanical process. And had myself convinced it wasn’t going to work anyway. Thankfully it did but we still have a long road ahead of us. I often wonder if it worked because I put all emotion to one side? I know how hard it is to keep going, our natural defences want to protect us from the pain of failure. Both you & your husband deserve to create a family together but it is so important to be in the best place mentally & emotionally. Sending you the biggest of hugs Xx