2WW 'mare.

[KOT7]

Like a few of you on her I'm in 2WW. Official test on monday but I did my own test yesterday which would be at 6 days. Negative. I know it was too early to test but I'm convinced it would show by now. I've had absolutely no symptoms but to be honest I'm not even sure what I'm meant to be feeling.

We're private because we're both girls and this is the second cycle for us and I have no idea how we're going to afford the next £7250. I just want to carry my wife's baby, why is that different to carrying a husband's baby? Why don't we deserve funding too?! Worrying about how we're going to raise the money each time is additional stress on top of what is already a very stressful time! Urgh.

[KOT7]

We get no funding whatsoever because we're gay. Despite both working as Doctors for the last 8 years, paying our taxes, trying to be good people, never breaking the law etc etc.... We get nothing because we 'chose' to marry a woman.

[Sunshine92 in reply to KOT7]

Really disappointed to hear this. I don’t think thats the case in my CCG. There were loads of same sex couples at our group presentation for IVF.

[KOT7 in reply to Sunshine92]

They will have had a certain number (my area is 6) of failed IUI cycles before they're entitled to any funding.

[Melodys99]

It's not fair at all this life, I completely feel for you and understand to some level.

In cambridge no funding for ivf at all straight or gay. I cant have funding because I married a man who unfortunately had 2 children from a redicoulas first marriage, very young . And now I find out the problem is on his side and after this cycle we have to spend more cash on dna fragmentation testing. If I'd of known would I have married him ? Not a popular thing to say but true. I've also worked serving the public and the queen lol since I was 20 years old, never married, never pregnant. Never been a burden to the NHS.

Ivf is bad enough but when the financial side also cripples you its even bloody worse. We will have to sell our house and move out to the rurals just to clear are debt and continue with ivf, then commute 2 hours to work after 12 hour plus shifts looking after other people.

Life is painfully unfair and unbalanced I have just had to except it. Feel free to inbox me if you ever want to rant, I know what it's like having to cope with financial issues and ivf failures at the same time. I'm only 36.

Access fertility do package cash back deals, thank god we used that and I've already started looking to Cyprus and Czech republic to stretch our remaining cash out. But ultimately the house will go on the market or my marriage will end.

Good luck , I wont give up I've come too far. You will do it. Xxx

[KOT7 in reply to Melodys99]

Thanks for you response. I love your honesty. We're looking at similar options. Selling the house maybe next year if we continue to have failures.

I know we're meant to be positive etc but I would find it more of a crushing disappointment when I get a negative result rather than if I just spend my time being pessimistic and frankly, realistic, because chances are it will fail again.

I'm sorry you're having such an awful time too. I knew this would be hard but I never knew how far it can push you physically and emotionally. The impact on your relationship with not only your partner but friends and family too. And of course the impact on work. Every time I have an appointment at our centre, I have to do a 90km round trip and it means cancelling a full clinic of my own 15 patients, often at the last minute because of the nature of fertility treatment. God knows how long work will put up with it. Only permitted to 3 appointments per cycle and my clinical director has asked if I will take annual leave where possible.

I just find myself becoming an increasingly angry person during all this. Seeing multiple scrotes with a baby that they didn't particularly want, they just got lucky. I just wish that could happen for all of us here who so desperately want this.

x

[Melodys99 in reply to KOT7]

I could of wrote this myself, I'm exactly the same. Constant worry of how long will work put up with this and a job I was once amazing at I'm now struggling to function in. Dealing with the public is crippling when you feel like your life is in the gutter. I think having certain careers makes you more realistic and honest as we have seen things and dealt with things others cant imagine. I also question if job related stress built up over the years could impact, regular 12 to 18 hour shifts, taking on the emotion of others even if we try not to, wine to unwind ect ect.

It does take so much from you, I'm now very antisocial and very realistic, I tried the positive thing didn't work lol. I'm incredibly honest now , il keep going until I get my baby as that's just the way I am but I do question what will be left of me at the end of it all. Good luck Xx

[Spaced00 in reply to Melodys99]

Thank you for your honesty. It’s hard not to be mad at other halves when they don’t intentionally do anything wrong.

I’m 33, we’ve been trying for three years. I wanted to start trying earlier but we had a small credit card debt (like £4,000), we paid it off in no time really. My husband convinced me to hold off trying, to get the debt paid off and get some savings. I told him it could take a while to get pregnant. He scoffed!! He thought we’d just have lots of sex one month and that would be that.

I keep thinking if we’d have started earlier our chances would’ve been better and I’d be a mum now. But he didn’t know.

I also try not to lose my rag when he buys beers to drink at home. Not loads, just a few a week, but the advice is to drink none. Neither of us can or our lives on hold, but I just get so frustrated.