IVF#2 - EC 10 eggs - 8 mature - still feel lost

[SparkleCock]

Hi ladies

I know I should be ecstatic. I'm 43 and have 8 eggs.

Instead, I'm anxious and scared. These three points explain a bit more:

1. On my last cycle I had 10 eggs, 8 mature, then 5 fertilised but ended up with no transfer as the 2 that made it past day 3 didn't go any bigger than 8 cells so no transfer (was using top place in Bangkok that had some crazy ideas and only used blastocysts)

2. Husband's sperm results awful. Worse than ever before. Even though been on Androferti - a dietary supplement that's meant to do wonders in three months. He has chronic anxiety disorder - which is probably why his sperm has been so bad. He doesn't drink or smoke... except occasionally smokes weed to help relax his body which is in pain... he's had a few nights a week for last month.

3. When I came round from anaesthetic - I felt great - in came my husband - he hates hospitals. His son from first marriage nearly died from Meningitis in one when he was one year old, and his wife suffered three late miscarriages. He was just about holding it together then burst into tears and I had to comfort him. He misses his boys so much who live in Oz - 9 and 13. We visit them or they visit us twice or three times a year.

Now he's pulled himself together. He's gone out and fetched food and drinks and has apologised for letting me down but... what with all hormones and failed previous cycle - I feel pretty lost.

Any words of encouragement would really help.

The docs are going to use PICSI to ensure only best sperm are used to hopefully we will be able to fertilise some eggs.

I guess I just feel I've done so much. I stopped smoking two years ago. Stopped drinking a year ago. Eat well. Take my supplements. And here's my beautiful husband. Falling apart.

I had an acupuncture session after the collection to help with everything and when the lady asked how I was. I said I was fine, just worried about my husband. She said that's the first time anyone she's treated with IVF has ever done that, talked about how their partner was coping.

I'm not slagging off my husband. I love him. I guess I'm just writing this essay as you ladies know how I'm feeling - know my hormones - know my disappointments.

Thanks for listening

xxx

[aamiller405]

Aww bless you, this journey is a bloody nightmare most of the time so feeling down, anxious and scared are all what I'd consider normal emotions given what you're going through.

And your poor hubby, the men often get left out a bit don't they but of course these things are bound to get on top of them too.

Were all going to have bad days on this journey and that's OK...when I have a bad day I tend to embrace it now.. Be a totally miserable sod for that day BUT I promise myself that tomorrow I'll suck it up, shake it off and get on with things...its works for me anyway.

Hope you're feeling better soon xox

[SparkleCock in reply to aamiller405]

Thanks honey. You’re right. Today will be a better day! Xox

[MamaVe in reply to aamiller405]

Oh men feel all.. well some don't but most do. From my own fertility journey (though we're still in the struggling phrase) I can say the indifference or unaffected state that men put up with in case of infertility stuggle is also a facade. My DH behave was not something I'd gladly accept as very emotionally suppotive in the early phase. Though he comforted and gave me optimism and everything you can possibility think of but then the whole feeling seems to be missing. I though maybe he's not that much affected and all that... it really wrecks the relationship sometimes. But then after my early pregnancy loss or chemical... (not sure what should I call it as it was a little more 6 weeks and before the scan) I broke down asking him if he wants to bid adeu to all this try and fail thing. Only after that I came to realise that he was wrecked too but fearing that there's nothing he could do and feeling helpless over my misery he chosed to be the tough one. N God when he broke down he cried so much even I was awestuck at him forgetting my own emptyness, pain, grief, loss and every wreck feeling for a while. I think as a couple it's very very important to be able to open up to eachother during tough times... and infertilty is definitely one of a kind tough times. Only then can you grow in the relationship and from just lovers to being responsible parents of future awaiting their baby.

[MamaVe]

Sorry to hear that inspite of having so many eggs retrieved none could make it to the transfers. Fertility journey is an ordeal, it's good that you guys are coming out strong. As far I can assume from your post the infertility can be directly accounted to your husband's sperm quality. The suppliments that says guranteed work in 3 months or so doesn't really work... or as far as I know it doesn't. It gives several such things online, fertility boosters, fertilie tea, conception oil so on and so forth. I think PICSI could really be the solution... no one can really guarantee but then if you consider the clinical possibility to rule-out the shortcomings in your fertility journey this seems the way to go. PICSI works just fine, all the statistics and information available online about it suggests so. I don't have a success story of my own yet to share to make you feel optimistic. However, the optimism is too much needed when it comes to assisted fertility procedures. I can tell you that maybe it doesn't solve it all but give us the strength to overcome it... and I believe with persistance you can find the success you're looking for.

[SparkleCock in reply to MamaVe]

You're an angel! Thank you! In phenomenal news, we actually got news today that SIX fertilised, and doctor wants to do a fresh transfer tomorrow so... God bless PICSI! xxx

[MamaVe in reply to SparkleCock]

Woa that's really great news... I'm so happy for you girl. Like I said if the sperm quality is the only problem then PICSI could be the solution... seems like it is indeed. If it all went super this far I'm pretty sure rather more optimistic that everything from here on will go on the good side and help you have success. Wish you all the luck in the world!

Keep me posted.

[Jessy1280]

Stress does major stuff to sperm. My oh had 45 million overall plummet to a million, then the following week down to less than quarter of a million. The following months he was back up to 67 million. I know people who've had great results from taking fertilaid supplements and by using ISMI XX

[SparkleCock in reply to Jessy1280]

Thanks honey. It's such a goddamn crap shoot. You just never know. At least overall we have massively healthier lifestyle now. But bloods and sperm samples are crazy. Never linear xxx