Second Appointment- Felt like a waste of time and fuel!

[PurpleLove19]

So here’s my rant- me and the husband have been waiting for today- we thought we would come out feeling excited and nervous about starting our very first cycle next month.

Well we were very wrong, in fact we came out and argued and hardly spoke all the way home.

These are very testing times. When both of you are so fed up, exhausted and to be quite frank- miserable at the cards we have been dealt, one can’t pick the other up when ones so down because you are both down!!

We thought that today they could examine my husbands latest SA tests and tell us my results. We thought we would be on the road. Once she said my tests were fine I thought yes!! One less thing. She looked through the SA results and said so you will have a baby but it will be through ICSI. Little part of me was hoping we would just have a miracle someday but hey ho let’s go. She then said that my husband needed some bloods. Now 6 months ago these were recommended by the clinic he had the analysis tests done. His doctor never referred. He was then referred for more sperm analysis tests 3 months later.

In the meantime we made big changes to our lifestyle and my doctor referred us to our chosen clinic. We asked my doctor if he needed these tests and she said- what’s the point you need ICSI so you need to be referred ASAP! She was also the one that insisted I went back to work so soon as, it’s something I had to get on with.

Anyway- she said she would send my bloods and a copy of his SA results over.

We went for our first appointment and he said have you got your results? He had mine but not his.

We said we thought you had received them. We told him what they said and asked about these bloods and he didn’t seem interested. I went for my checks at the hospital.

So we explained this and it changed nothing. They need these doing. So then I started to get a lump in my throat and my blood started to boil. I couldn’t speak as I was ready to cry. I told her the longer we go on the more anxious I am. I asked how long this would all take to arrange and she said 6-8 weeks!

6-8 weeks in my world is a bloody long time!

We don’t want to waste another 6-8 weeks before we can even begin.

It all comes down to the fact me and the hubby are at different doctors and miscommunication of the doctors-clinic and us!!

We could have had these tests done whilst waiting 2 months for the second appointment!

I’ve come away so deflated, so angry and upset I can’t speak.

My husband went to his GP the second we arrived back home. The clinic isn’t local for us so it was a long drive back in silence.

The doctor obviously couldn’t read the handwriting and said wait for the letter to go back to your wife’s doctors and come back.

I’ve rang the clinic and gave them the address of my husbands doctor as I aren’t doing their jobs for them anymore.

I don’t want to start moaning about the staff at our clinic as they are the ones helping us get our family but does anyone else feel or felt that when you are in these appointments you are at Aldi- where they throw your food through the checkout? Because I do. They talk so quickly and technically that I come out wound up and nervous.

I’ve noticed that my heart has been beating out my chest just recently, I thought it was the gin I’d consumed over Easter, my fit bit says it’s almost 101bpm resting. It happened yesterday before a family day out as I was anxious about being fun Auntie in front of his family, putting a face on at your worst is awful and it’s happened today. I honestly feel like I need to speak to my GP about these side affects.

I know their are some amazing women on here who may be in a worst position than me or been through so much more. You can tell me get a grip- you’re allowed but I’m feeling so lonely in my feelings and I miss my old self.

The reason the hubby and I argued on the way home is because he felt I was quite sharp with the consultant and he says I’m like that most of the time and he wants me to stop. I obviously go into self defence mode and bite back!

To finish it off- I’ve mentioned the sister in law before on my posts I’m sure. She has the perfect set up- gorgeous little boy and a husband. We went out with them yesterday with his mum and dad. We talked briefly about today and I actually thought she’s not so bad.

Then today she puts on a quote on her insta- “Your little family is the best team you can have” 👪💙 (with those emojis)

Is that a post that’s necessary? Is it really needed knowing of what was happening today?

I can’t deal with it anymore. I may have to unfollow or block! My husband says come off! I want him to tell her to 🤬 off!!

[Hidden]

You sound exactly how I felt, my doctor referred us to the local hospital for tests and treatment and they were horrendous, not giving me chance to ask questions, ushering me along and hurrying us out at every opportunity, even when I had a laperoscopy and had my fallopian tubes removed they couldn't get rid of me quick enough, so when we got given the choice of a few clinics for treatment I immediately chose a different one, and I can't fault them nurture fertility have been a pleasure, and I feel I'm in the best hands, it took me and my partner 2 years of tests and consultations to get to this point, stay strong and pull together, this does test your relationship but if you can get through this you can get through anything, me and my partner found a no phones ban helpful, and we would and still do try to spend quality time together regularly, just remember why you are doing this, if it's for the same reasons as me, its because you love each other and want to take the next step in your relationship, to create something together that will bond you for life and create your own family. I know it is hard looking at others and what they have but believe me all is not what is seems, they still argue too, you just don't see it, people only show what they allow you to see. I had a break from social media as I was finding it hard to cope with looking at other people's seemingly perfect lives. That really helped me hope you find ways to cope we all feel those feelings you have, please just try to be patient, your time will come, you are on the right path just remember to love each other and talk.

[PurpleLove19 in reply to Hidden]

We are with Nurture Fertility and I do feel they are good at what they do.

Just think they forget that we go home after that appointment feeling lost. I bet they see so many a day but I just feel like we are being rushed out.

I know people only post the positive parts of their lives and I am guilty of that too. Thank you for your reply. X

[AJJ123]

I know what you mean about the clinics being matter of fact (and not always right may I add). You do feel like your on a conveyer belt.

When I found out my embryos were blighted (miscarriage) they were basically like - oh well, come back in a week. Are u f’in serious.

The only people who really seemed to have an empathetic bone were the early pregnancy unit at the local hospital.

I’m an idiot and doing it again. I’ve lost faith totally though x

[PurpleLove19 in reply to AJJ123]

Yeah I thought that it would be like a safe place to go and be emotional and over the top with questions but it just seems exactly what it is- a business!

You’re not an idiot- you want what everyone else seems to get from one night drunken stands. A baby!

Keep faith and sending you luck x

[AJJ123 in reply to PurpleLove19]

Thank you, it really tests your emotional stability. Good luck with your treatment, it’s really hard sometimes trying to keep a focus when all kind of crap is launched your way xx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to AJJ123]

It really does! Everyday life is just a struggle, work, family gatherings and even going to walk my dogs when you see kiddies at the park or a screaming new born in the shop.

I sound really depressed and I often think I am but I do have some really good days, I just wished they came more often. I thought today would have picked me up once and for all but it was just one massive disappointment x

[AJJ123 in reply to PurpleLove19]

Oh I know all too well, I was really cheesed off with the clinic yesterday. I just feel like it’s such a long journey home and you feel like they don’t really give a toss. Well they don’t until u kick up a fuss like I did yesterday and I got what I wanted in the end - kind of. That’s what got us this far I suppose Xx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to AJJ123]

Good for you!!

When do you start your next cycle?

I imagine one day that we drive that long journey back with a scan picture in hand and stop off and buy something from the baby shop!

I just have to keep that in mind.

I tried kicking up a fuss and tbh if my husband was so annoyingly laid back and finds it’s awkward, I would have been more firm x

[AJJ123 in reply to PurpleLove19]

I was on my own so not so bad, he would be the same as your husband though lol. I’m doing a natural FET hopefully this cycle. Having another scan tomorrow to see if I’m going to ovulate- fingers crossed all looks ok tomorrow xx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to AJJ123]

Good luck- at least you’re on the move. I feel like every time I get myself one step closer we are back 10 steps!! X

[AJJ123 in reply to PurpleLove19]

It’s the same for most of us, it’s a lot of money and majority of the time heartache. Hopefully this is it for me... I don’t know xx

[aamiller405]

I understand how you feel, I often think the endless and pointless waiting is the worst part of this journey! Its been 2 and a half years since we got referred and we still haven't been offered our NHS treatment, weve recently give up waiting and started private treatment.

I suppose my only advice is that although this journey can be exhausting and miserable the best we can do is cling to the hope that it will all be worth it in the end..wishing you the best of luck xo

[Shirazlover2013]

And breathe, think I was holding my breath with you during your rant. I feel your rage and I’ve been there myself. I won’t bore you with the minutiae of detail (I’m in a better place now) but I did a lot of flailing in exasperation at doctors and their inability to communicate and work together across departments, the lack of information given to us the patients (on the public health system), my partners slow response to “WE HAVE A FERTILITY ISSUE HERE”, 20+ pregnancy announcements in my circle of friends/colleagues, the waiting, the unfairness of it all. Ultimately my anger sent me spiralling down and it’s taken all my strength to slowly pull myself back again. I have to take things one day at a time now.

I’ve found the private health system to be much more responsive and contactable, not sure if that’s an option for you but it does help with the sanity side of things.

Sometimes you have to vent and get it out don’t you! So vent away, you’re in the right place. Xx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to Shirazlover2013]

Thank you- I feel like everyone is a ticking time bomb. I’m waiting for the next announcement.

I feel like our lives on hold. We have only been married for 9 months and this should be the happiest time of my life and it’s the saddest time. X

[Shirazlover2013 in reply to PurpleLove19]

Yep and yep I’ve had those feelings too. You’re not alone and those feelings are justified. We are in control of our lives elsewhere but with fertility we think we’re in control until we realise there’s a problem. It is terribly sad and sometimes i wonder how I’ve survived the last 2.5yrs, the only thing I can do in my lowest times is take it one day at a time and not spend too much time wallowing in my thoughts.

You will get there, obviously not as soon as you want but it will happen xx