So here’s my rant- me and the husband have been waiting for today- we thought we would come out feeling excited and nervous about starting our very first cycle next month.
Well we were very wrong, in fact we came out and argued and hardly spoke all the way home.
These are very testing times. When both of you are so fed up, exhausted and to be quite frank- miserable at the cards we have been dealt, one can’t pick the other up when ones so down because you are both down!!
We thought that today they could examine my husbands latest SA tests and tell us my results. We thought we would be on the road. Once she said my tests were fine I thought yes!! One less thing. She looked through the SA results and said so you will have a baby but it will be through ICSI. Little part of me was hoping we would just have a miracle someday but hey ho let’s go. She then said that my husband needed some bloods. Now 6 months ago these were recommended by the clinic he had the analysis tests done. His doctor never referred. He was then referred for more sperm analysis tests 3 months later.
In the meantime we made big changes to our lifestyle and my doctor referred us to our chosen clinic. We asked my doctor if he needed these tests and she said- what’s the point you need ICSI so you need to be referred ASAP! She was also the one that insisted I went back to work so soon as, it’s something I had to get on with.
Anyway- she said she would send my bloods and a copy of his SA results over.
We went for our first appointment and he said have you got your results? He had mine but not his.
We said we thought you had received them. We told him what they said and asked about these bloods and he didn’t seem interested. I went for my checks at the hospital.
So we explained this and it changed nothing. They need these doing. So then I started to get a lump in my throat and my blood started to boil. I couldn’t speak as I was ready to cry. I told her the longer we go on the more anxious I am. I asked how long this would all take to arrange and she said 6-8 weeks!
6-8 weeks in my world is a bloody long time!
We don’t want to waste another 6-8 weeks before we can even begin.
It all comes down to the fact me and the hubby are at different doctors and miscommunication of the doctors-clinic and us!!
We could have had these tests done whilst waiting 2 months for the second appointment!
I’ve come away so deflated, so angry and upset I can’t speak.
My husband went to his GP the second we arrived back home. The clinic isn’t local for us so it was a long drive back in silence.
The doctor obviously couldn’t read the handwriting and said wait for the letter to go back to your wife’s doctors and come back.
I’ve rang the clinic and gave them the address of my husbands doctor as I aren’t doing their jobs for them anymore.
I don’t want to start moaning about the staff at our clinic as they are the ones helping us get our family but does anyone else feel or felt that when you are in these appointments you are at Aldi- where they throw your food through the checkout? Because I do. They talk so quickly and technically that I come out wound up and nervous.
I’ve noticed that my heart has been beating out my chest just recently, I thought it was the gin I’d consumed over Easter, my fit bit says it’s almost 101bpm resting. It happened yesterday before a family day out as I was anxious about being fun Auntie in front of his family, putting a face on at your worst is awful and it’s happened today. I honestly feel like I need to speak to my GP about these side affects.
I know their are some amazing women on here who may be in a worst position than me or been through so much more. You can tell me get a grip- you’re allowed but I’m feeling so lonely in my feelings and I miss my old self.
The reason the hubby and I argued on the way home is because he felt I was quite sharp with the consultant and he says I’m like that most of the time and he wants me to stop. I obviously go into self defence mode and bite back!
To finish it off- I’ve mentioned the sister in law before on my posts I’m sure. She has the perfect set up- gorgeous little boy and a husband. We went out with them yesterday with his mum and dad. We talked briefly about today and I actually thought she’s not so bad.
Then today she puts on a quote on her insta- “Your little family is the best team you can have” 👪💙 (with those emojis)
Is that a post that’s necessary? Is it really needed knowing of what was happening today?
I can’t deal with it anymore. I may have to unfollow or block! My husband says come off! I want him to tell her to 🤬 off!!
Advice please lovely ladies
Advice for a women who is one "just relax" away from going completely crazy...
Infertility journey so far 
Introduction and questions
