Has anyone used their sisters eggs as a donor?

My sister has offered me her eggs, and we are looking for a clinic who can advise us, anyone know one in the uk? Thanks x

[AnnieAnnie]

Hi there, how lovely of your sister! My sister has offered me her eggs also I'm just not sure how I feel about it. I'm not ready to give up on my own eggs just yet and she is currently pregnant so no hurry. But our issue is she lives in Australia and I'm in the UK. I am following to see what advice you receive. Good luck xx

[Hidden in reply to AnnieAnnie]

Yes it’s so lovely but also so manny questions that need to be answers and don’t know if it’s the right thing to do or not!

[AnnieAnnie in reply to Hidden]

I know what you mean as genetically any child born out of using your sister's egg(s) is going to be your neice or nephew with a bit of you in the mix. And that is a little weird when you look at things. However your name goes on the birth certificate and you have parental responsibility for that child. The positive I take from my sister offering me her eggs is that genetically me and my sister are the closest I will get to having a child that is made up of the same DNA as me (we have the same mother and father) and for me that's why I'm attempting having my own child first. Although my sister lives thousands of miles away (I'm planning on moving to Australia later next year), we are so close and I've had a brilliant relationship with her all my life (there are 8 years between us and 2 brothers). Strangers would ask (when I was older lol) whether my sister was my daughter and I am the first person my sister comes to when she needs advice or help, she has also invited me to be at the birth of her baby. My sister's words to me when she offered me her eggs were, well most of them are just going to waste anyway so you might as well have them and make good use of them, and that any baby I have using her eggs will be mine and not hers. I would be honest with any child born using my sister's eggs but I would like to think that the bond me and my sister have, any of our children whether or not born using each other's eggs, would see how close we are and the relationship we have and know that they are loved and cared for by both of us no matter what.

I would be interested to know if you go along to the counselling how it goes. I would think any clinic would want it to take place before any procedures were carried out.

It would be interesting to hear other pros and cons xx

[AnnieAnnie in reply to AnnieAnnie]

I suppose the question really is can your sister see any child born out if using her eggs as your child and not hers?! xx

[Hidden]

Lol I asked my sister if I ever needed a egg would she donate? she said no it’s too weird I’d be having hers and my partners baby. They’d make a super cute baby lol I don’t see the problem I’d give her my eggs if I was younger if she needed them or even surrogate if she couldn’t carry.

[_MrsC]

My sister offered although she’s 10 and a half years older. I declined. I felt it would be too strange. I also felt it would be a challenge for my nieces. They’re all grown up so I think it would be hard for them. My sister is very matriarchal too. She’s an amazing mother but I think she’d find it hard not to interfere and where do you stand? They’re biologically hers. I think if you’re both happy with it though and it works for family members outside of you both then it’s a wonderful gift. I think it has to be totally comfortable for both sides. Wishing you all the best. xxx

[Hidden in reply to _MrsC]

she Is really keen but then I’m not sure if she has really thought it thru and what if she never ends up having kids will she resent me!

[1980sbaby]

Where in the uk do you live Myhope?? Each to their own i guess but i woyld do it for my sister 100%.

[Billywhizz10]

As someone with a new baby , conceived with a donor egg in the UK, we had impact counselling before we went through with the cycle.

What I would say is, are you comfortable with telling the child at an early age their aunt is their 'donor mother'? Part of the counselling and seeking help from the donor network shows overwhelming evidence children born via a donor egg, hugely benefit from the mum who gives birth and father telling the child from a very early age their origins.

With the donor within the same family, would your sister be comfortable with a 4 year old identifying her as the donor?

All the advice and counselling shows the longer you withhold this information, or even worse cover up , from the child how they were conceived, the more serious the damage you do to the child.

With us we'll be using books and help to slowly tell our daughter about her origins from a very early age as advised. We want her to grow up mentally healthy and confident.

At 18 she can find out the donor identity , as per rules of the HFEA , if she so wishes and of course we'll help her with that.

I think you really need to have donor counselling like we did, it really opens up your eyes to the impact of what you're about to do - the effect you and your sister and most importantly the child-

Within my wife and my family, we are always babysitting and having sleepovers for niece and nephews, so for us it would have been very confusing for the child, introducing the idea of donor and introducing the donor at the same time. It sounds more like co-parenting, which is fine .

My wife only has brothers, so we never had the option.

Best of luck whatever route you go

x

[Refocus in reply to Billywhizz10]

Hi Billy whizz, would you mind private messaging me the clinic you used? And why you chose to do it in the UK rather than abroad? Were you happy with the donor options they gave you? Sorry for all the questions but I'm finding this next step so overwhelming! X

[Billywhizz10 in reply to Refocus]

Hi, I'll send you private message for the clinic, but we did it in UK as donors cannot be anonymous, and we wanted our child to be able to at least attempt to track down the donor at 18 (even if the donor doesn't have to meet them) The options they gave us were a hair match, eye match, we were given info like the donor's level of education, their hobbies, but no pictures of course. So we ensured the donor matched my wife (hair and eye colour, height, education, likes).

To be honest, when one considers how parents love kids adopted from other countries, with different skin colours ,etc, it was all a nonsense. People who don't know we used a donor egg have told us how our daughter has my wife's nose, or her mouth, etc,

[Refocus in reply to Billywhizz10]

That's what my husband says! Thank you for replying. X

[Billywhizz10 in reply to Refocus]

Its a hurdle you have to get past, moving onto a donor, you have to grieve for that 'what might have been' using your own eggs, and for me having a child that was genetically made up of both me and my wife. But looking at my daughter now, I couldn't care less where she came from.

Best of luck xx

[sandra81]

I had 1 failed ivf and accepted my sister's offer to use her eggs. The best decision i ever made.

[Dunla]

Such a wonderful gift for your sister to give you. Very best of luck with it all x

[Hidden]

Any clinic that Offers donor cycles should do it. Good luck. I’ve had they chat with my sisters. The younger said no and the older yes.