This is probably a question for couples with no apparent reason for not conceiving yet, and also for ladies mid 30s plus...
An appearance from Prof. Robert Winston (fertility expert) on tv today reminded me of articles he’s written, saying that the main reason for not getting pregnant (based on his experience and research) is simply not having enough sex. He recommends having sex as often as possible (at least every other day) right throughout your cycle. He says the older you are, the longer it takes to get pregnant so the more sex you need to have to increase your chances.
What do you think on this? I mean it makes sense. How many of you have sex this often and have gotten pregnant, or not. I’m really interested to know.
The longer we’ve been TTC the harder we’ve found it to have more sex, there have been months where I’ve felt so low about it all we’ve only had sex 2/3 times, which I know is not great. OH also some months just feels fed up with it all and needs a break.
This is something we’re trying to work on as a couple have been improving our sex life, but I still worry we’re not having enough sex and I’m not sure what to do about it. This month we managed 7 times every other day from CD 7, is this enough? I’d really struggle to keep going through the whole cycle!
Anyone feel similarly? Any thoughts or advice on this?
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Arya10
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I can relate to this post SO much. I can’t understand how people can fit in that much sex... of course in the early days of dating my now husband, we would have sex a lot, but 4.5 years later, and 5 ivfs down, both of us can hardly face it. We are lucky to fit it in 3 times in a month, and those 3 times are normally concentrated into the days before and day of ovulation. We also have had months with only having sex once. Sometimes we only manage once in the fertile window and once in a non fertile time.
Both having demanding full time jobs, and a rescue pup, by the time we have both worked, walked the dog, and fit in 3 gym sessions a week, plus cooked dinner every evening, we are wiped out and most sex we have, we have to muster the energy. I’m aware of how sad that sounds 😂. I’ve tried to work on it like you, but my hubby isn’t that adventurous in bed and I think truthfully we are both just too tired.
I think the “every other day” sex requirement is useful for people who have no idea about their cycle and fertile window, but I’ve read that if you know your ovulation day from tracking etc, the main benefit is keeping the sperm supply in good condition, which men can sort for themselves when there is less sex being had 😂
I can relate to this too! It’s hard trying to fit it in especially when you’re knackered from work and life in general!
We ended up having sex every couple of days, my cycles are irregular but even with clomid I am never 100% sure when I’ll ovulate so we used to do two weeks of every couple days and then ease off a bit. It did work but that was thanks to the clomid making me ovulate. I went off the idea that sperm can survive about 5 days or so, so we didn’t put too much pressure on ourselves and it felt slightly less prearranged (how romantic!! 😂)
I have to say that I don' t believe this at all. We spent 3 years trying before our ivf and as someone under 30 and my husband being in his early 30s we tried sex everyday at one point after nothing happening for the months we were trying every to 2/3 days. Very exhausting and frustrating. In the end we were diagnosed as unexplained and have been blessed to get pregnant via ivf on our first go.
A-men to this 🙌🏼 didnt want to become ‘that couple’ where sex became a chore but low and behold here we are! Ive tried it all, every 2 days, every other day, every day around when im ovulating - nothing. The Dr I saw this week said every other day was too much! As sperm are young and quote ‘come out fighting’ so aren’t very efficient in getting to where they need to go 🙈 so i’m still none he wiser of what I should be doing x
We don’t have planned sex as such we did it 19 times in sept only know because I enter it in a period tracker. We have been pregnant twice first time it took 4 mths but we mc then took another 5 mths we mc again tho I’m 38.
I think it plays on lots of different things not just sex.
Wow, 19 times! Please tell me your secret, how do you have that much energy??
I’m so sorry to hear of your losses, that must be incredibly difficult.
• in reply to
I never say no 😂 I let him lead if I tell him we need to do it he just won’t doesn’t like the pressure. We average 16 times so what every other day. We’re still pretty new only coming up to 4 years together.
Hi hun.
It can be very tiring trying especially when it feels like it’s the same result every month.
I will be honest we would not have had the energy to try every other day throughout the cycle.
I don’t think it’s the amount of times it’s the timing of baby making that is more important!
To try to give you hope we tried 4 times the month I fell pregnant! We tried from day 10 ( I was on clomid) & made sure we tried day of Lh surge & the day afterwards to max our chances.
Do whatever feels right for you. There is enough stress & pressure in this .
Thanks Jess, that’s helpful to hear that you guys tried 4 times when you got your BFP, that’s kind what I’m hearing is that some folk got pregnant after only 1,2,3,4 tries that month.
I was wondering if there was a relation between us folks who’ve all been trying a long time and the amount of sex we have - but it sounds like there isn’t necessarily. I don’t mean that we don’t have as much sex as people who fall easily, I’m more wondering are there different types of bodies and some need more sex than others.
I’m out for another month, November will be HSG and break for me x
A break can be nice. I enjoyed my time off with surgeries!!! 🙂
Treat yourself 🥂🍫
Sadly it can feel like a bit chore at times once you’ve been trying a while 😕 my hubby felt under pressure with it too.
It’s a horrible situation to be in but you can do this & you will get there 😘 it’s my firm belief that most couples trying do get a baby in the end ❤️✨ don’t give up 💝 xoxo
I have been thinking a lot about this too. The one and only time I conceived, I’d had sex twice that month, both times in my fertile window. Unfortunately it ended in miscarriage. There have been other months where I’ve had it a lot more, and nothing. I would like to have sex every other day, but my fiancé doesn’t have as high libido. And the more I nag, the less he wants to. I always say to him, I bet there’s loads of men wishing they could have loads of sex, but not my mr grumpy. The more we discuss it, the more it causes stress to him, and he gets really annoyed, says he feels used. I even took him to my GP with me, and the doctor told him straight, but he’s not having it. It’s a nightmare!
Know he’s an expert but found his interview very frustrating as if it’s that easy to have lots of sex - life just gets in the way! Also unfortunately for some people they do need the assistance of IVF to conceive think he could have been a bit more diplomatic!
It so hard to find the energy to have sex so often you want it to be spontaneous but then i found we ended up missing our fertile window but trying to plan it as such doesnt always go to plan either, we are not allowed to try for next few months as i am waiting to have dye test and rubella injection and although we could have sex and use protection i am enjoying the break from the pressure and am choosing to give into my tiredness and just sleep
We can’t try this month due to HSG test and last year it was the rubella test, both times I was frustrated at first, but then realised it’s a refreshing break
Ttc definitely takes it toll on an enjoyable sex life! I also remember my other half getting fed up and feeling pressure when we had to have sex depending upon where I was in my cycle.
I think there is probably a lot truth in what that professor has to say, because it is hard to know exactly when you ovulate (I was never sure using those sticks!).
The most important thing is that you can support one another. It's so hard when you're trying for so long, but don't like it take over your relationship.
This is a very good question you raise. I have done a lot of research on this!! I can only offer my thoughts and research on the matter having spoken to quite a few senior professionals about it. You will get varying views though I’m sure.
Having sex every other day for the whole cycle (over a prolonged period of time) puts an incredible amount of pressure on your relationship, sex life, social life and everything else! This advice, I suspect, is given to people who are not familiar with their ovulation routine. If you are not familiar, then I would recommend that perhaps you look into this so you know when you are going to be most fertile/ are going to ovulate in the month. If you do ovulation tracking and know exactly when you ovulate then every 2/3 days around ovulation is normally recommended. Sadly, if you don’t, then the advice would be every 2/3 days throughout the cycle.
For what’s it worth, I put a lot of emphasise on being happy and relaxed when having sex (rather than being super stressed because you’re having to fit it in every other day through a whole cycle!). When I got pregnant in August we had sex once during ovulation but were both very happy and relaxed as we were just about to go on holiday! Sadly we have since lost that pregnancy.
If you need any further advice/ thoughts then please feel free to DM me.
I really feel for you. I was just taking with my fiancée last night funnily enough about how we’d got into a rut before I got pregnant as we just felt stressed and very un sexy!!
Xx
It's so hard as everything through this process becomes mechanical. I was also advised to try every other day and agree that it is maybe because people don't tend to know when their fertile window is. A friend of mine once told me how awful her and her husband felt after one of these months and that they were never ever going to do that again. It really saps the enjoyment away.
I would also agree that when you first get together with your partner it seems to be so much more important to have sex as often as possible but things do fizzle out.
Personally I have never been much of a sex person but oh and I have been having much more frequent sex since being told the every other day advice - but we are not religious about it. I think it has actually been a good thing and brought us closer together in a weird way.
Good luck whatever you decide but do try to keep enjoying it xxx
Thanks for everyone’s comments - for us, we’re going to focus more on our relationship and spending more quality time together and take it from there. Less time worrying about other people is my main goal!
I was interested to hear who had/hadn’t gotten pregnant from doing what Prof Winston had suggested. I think there’s definitely truth in it but also true what everyone is saying about not adding more stress and not forcing it. It’s a fine balance isn’t it. The longer it takes the more technical it can become, the more technical or timed it becomes the less enjoyable it can become and more stressful, which in turn does not help baby making!
Sometimes it doesn't matter, we used to have sex like twice a day during fertile period- my husband had a really really high sperm count as well and didn't concieve as had problems with my damn tubes xxxxxx
Hi I know you have had lots of responses but thought I would add my story! I am 41 my OH 47. We too have been diagnosed with unexplained fertility, many years ago we started trying and literally second month we got pregnant but had a blighted ovum MMC which went on for about 7 weeks in total. We were told to try again straight away and try every other day during fertile period. I have spent years OPK'ing and learning my body, knowing the signs, pouncing on OH, trying to be alluring but often not feeling it, and then getting angry, depressed and frustrated if he wasn't up for it. It started to ruin our sex life and left us more frustrated (in more ways than one) with my period turning up every month. We never got our BFP however we are lucky enough to have some savings to do a few rounds of IVF and are hoping to embark on our second attempt soon.
The run up to IVF was ironically our saviour I think because we had to use contraception we had sex when we wanted it not when we had to have it.. and ok it wasn't quite as much as when we first got together but we definitely did it more a month than we ever did when we were trying to conceive.
I think the every other day theory is very good on paper, but doesn't take any other external factor into account aside from you need to be full up with relatively fresh semen when you ovulate. Clearly it works for lots of people though so its worth a try as long as it doesn't start having a negative impact on your relationship or mental health! Good luck xx
Just to give an update on this for my situation: I’m 10 weeks pregnant and the month we conceived we had sex 4 times, only 1 time was during my fertile window. It was a ‘non trying’ month as we had just moved house and decided to give ourselves a couple months break.
2 years 7 months TTC and I truly believe for me it was the 6 months of acupuncture that worked for me, transformed my cycle and balanced my hormones.
Good luck to everyone wherever you are on your journey xx
Thankyouuuuu for posting this. I am a very sexual creature, and sex is directly related to my self esteem , however my husband is not.
Every time he knocks me back I take a step backwards in self esteem. To the point I actually thought exactly what your thinking.... just what if we got more in the bedroom. I had a meltdown the other day about it, blaming Him for our issues TTC. Every month there was a sickness, an event, a prior engagement, a birthday, work or plain just to tired. It was getting me down so much. Then when I was on Clomid, I thought how can I be putting my body through this and you won’t even go there. About 3-9 times a month. With IVF there is something of a twinge of resentful thoughts, what it?? I’m sure it’s just my hormones and the issues I now have surrounding the next lot of tablets and pessaries. For me the pessaries will ruin our intimacy at a time when a relationship needs it for its own sanity. My issues... not his
This is exactly how I felt at the beginning of our relationship, I found it so hard. I know what you mean re blaming him for it not happening due to not as much sex as you’d like/think you need to have. Some men just have a lower libido, I know for my husband it’s linked to his confidence and being bullied as a child. If he doesn’t feel good about himself he isn’t always up for sex, not like some men who it doesn’t matter how they’re feeling.
Please don’t worry though, it really does only take 1 sperm to get there and it’s mostly luck! I stopped all the temping and worrying about fertility window and focused on doing it when we both wanted to, I think that along with acupuncture to regulate my cycles is what did it.
Hiya, I think it depends. In our case, hubby has low sperm volume (though has got better with each SA, he's had 3 to date) so i sometimes wonder if too often would cause more harm than good? Generally we try and do it every 3rd day or so, though do sometimes fall into a pattern where we'll have it every other day in fertile window then less often the closer I get to AF lol. One cycle we did it every single day for 20 days straight. We were knackered by the end of it and still no BFP, even if it was fun?! 😋😂🙈🙊xx
Yes, I’m sure lower sperm count would be different (I was talking about unexplained infertility/no issues found). I say go with when you want to do it, our bodies are clever. Good luck xx
Ahh posts like this are a relief for me in a lot of ways. I would love to say my husband and I have regular sex but we don’t really. Tiredness gets in the way with such busy and demanding jobs. It’s great when we do but I have now taken a more relaxed approach that we do it when we both feel in the mood rather than when I meant to be fertile. Most of the time am more in the mood around that time anyway though when am ovulating i can feel very tired and a week before starting my period there is no way I feel in the mood. ☺️
Try not to put too much pressure on urselfs. I know it not entirely healthy too but a bit of alcohol can also be helpful to relax both Even my doc said well if it works then a bit won’t do harm 😁
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