Hope vs Mental Health? Last chance advice, would really appreciate help please x

[LegoBatgirl]

Hi All,

Trying to make this a short story but basically we have been waiting for ICSI since we were diagnosed with MFI as well as PCO in March - had to wait for various tests etc so we used the time to prep by eating healthier, taking supplements etc.

We just came back off holiday and my DH went in to freeze a back up sample for our IVF round that will start in October with my next AF (my last one was whilst we were on holiday so unfortunately we had to wait yet again!).

The clinic called with the results of the back up sample and it turns out DHs count has gone up from 6mil to 17mil! To be honest I think it was partly the supplements and partly him being on holiday and taking a break from his stressful job.

We had previously agreed just to use condoms this month and wait til AF in October and call the clinic on day 1 so I wouldn't have to go through one last heart breaking 'will AF be late/could I be pregnant' cycle again as we agreed that would be much better for my mental health to start from a place of control and peace.

But... as his count has increased by like x3 should we have one last go at making a baby the old fashioned way?

TL:DR DHs count is much higher, should I get my hopes up again or just wait til October and go into ICSI with better mental health and not reeling from yet another disappointment?

Any help/opinions would be very much appreciated x

[Tugsgirl]

Definitely have a go just don’t get your hopes up. I’d hate for you to be crushed again. We always ttc naturally between treatments despite knowing its not likely to happen after nearly 4 years. You have to go into it this month with a “nothing to lose” attitude xx

[LegoBatgirl in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thanks, I like the nothing to lose attitude idea. I get seriously emotionally invested every month and can't seem to stop myself from having hope and being crushed every single time even though I know we only have less than a 2% chance of a natural conception.

You're amazing, I have no idea how you've done this for 4 years. I'm only just about to start round 1 and I feel like I'm a nervous wreck! X

[Tugsgirl in reply to LegoBatgirl]

That’s the key to trying naturally for us now, I have no hope. No hope = no disappointment. Sometimes I can’t be bothered to try to be honest but I go along with it to humour Hubby lol (we can’t try in a conventional sense, because of his paralysis we have to home inseminate) so it really is a bore. But like I said, we’ve got nothing to lose xx

[LegoBatgirl in reply to Tugsgirl]

I think you are so strong and I wish I could find a way to be as brave as you.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply x

[Niki_B]

I say just go for it the good ole fashioned way! Why not, no harm in trying while you wait 😊😍 and wow that's amazing news about OH sperm! Awesome! 😁 hope you enjoyed your holiday 😘😘😘 xxx

[LegoBatgirl in reply to Niki_B]

Thanks - I think it's proved the value of taking a holiday together and taking some time to relax (and the value of all of those vitamins!). We had a lovely time and it was so good to just be with eachother for a while (even if I was on AF and so didn't feel comfortable swimming!)

I have a good therapist and loads of coping strategies but I just wish I could see a day when I felt like I would be capable of dealing with all this. I know I'm more capable now but I am in awe of how everyone else seems to cope so well x

[Niki_B in reply to LegoBatgirl]

That's great sounds like you both had a nice time 😊 (damn aunty flow she's cruel isn't she! Even ruining your swimming on holiday!😉) and yes these women amaze me everyday. This journey is tough that's for sure but to be honest i think we are all just wingin it!! You don't realise how strong you are...until you have to be 😊😘 xxx

[LegoBatgirl in reply to Niki_B]

Yeah I guess it comes back to that quote about how "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear."

I think we'd all agree that this is something in our lives more important than fear x

[Niki_B in reply to LegoBatgirl]

Exactly xxxx