‘Are you expecting, then?’: Hi everyone... - Fertility Network UK

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‘Are you expecting, then?’

Star15 profile image

Hi everyone

Have been making a real effort to exercise more and eat more healthily and have been feeling a lot better for losing some weight. So was pretty upset tonight when someone asked me if I was expecting 😞 As if this horrible journey wasn’t enough, apparently I look pregnant even though I want to be so much and it isn’t happening.

Have had a bit of a cry and going to pull myself together now then maybe go for a run as sounds as though I need it 😂

Hope everyone is doing ok x

21 Replies

It’s horrible when this happens. It happened to me a few months ago just as I was leaving work to head to a clinic open evening following our first failed cycle! People are so insensitive and haven’t got a clue. I find crying helps 😂 hope you’re ok xxx

Star15 profile image
Star15 in reply to Ash2016

Oh no, I’m sorry to hear that, what terrible timing for someone to say that to you... I did have a big cry and an early night and felt better the next day, things never seem quite as bad in the morning somehow. Just another knock on this journey but we all keep picking ourselves up and carrying on! X

Life can be so incredibly cruel can't it. Sorry to hear you were on the receiving end of a foolish and insensitive comment. Some people can be so pass remarkable and interfering. Try not to get down over this. I had a similar experience last year to yours and it really offended me. I too, cried and cried. Put it behind you and just think positively that one day you will be pregnant! Xo

Star15 profile image
Star15 in reply to Poppy16

Yes, the struggling to conceive is hard enough let alone people then thinking (let alone asking if) you’re pregnant, that does seem quite cruel 😞 The next morning at weigh-in I’d lost a stone so trying to focus on the positives! Fingers crossed it will be a positive outcome for us from what has been a long, hard journey. Many congratulations to you, hope you’re enjoying these early precious days! X

Who actually asks if your pregnant if they don’t know!?! Cheeky bastard should have said aye it’s my food baby 😡 don’t let people get you down your doing great keep it up xx

Star15 profile image
Star15 in reply to gcw104

I know, who does that?! I think I was just so shocked that I didn’t answer back whereas I wish I had! Someone also asked me around Easter time if I was pregnant and I made a joke about how I should’ve held back on the Easter eggs! Wish people would just keep quiet. Anyway, onwards and upwards now in this funny old journey x

gcw104 profile image
gcw104 in reply to Star15

Don’t let people upset you, they mean nothing to you so don’t waste your energy thinking about it.

Oh bless you, I’ve had the same situation a few weeks ago I’m only slim but for some reason (post period bloat?) someone thought I looked in the early stages. It’s rubbish, I even went and got a test make sure - obviously that would have been a miracle if it had been positive but I know how u felt generally. I think I’ve gone past the crying stage now, just think until my treatment (fingers crossed this period) it’s never going to happen xx

Star15 profile image
Star15 in reply to AJJ123

Thanks for taking the time to reply and sorry to hear you’ve been in a similar situation. I saw you’re going to be having a trial transfer, hope all goes well for you x

AJJ123 profile image
AJJ123 in reply to Star15

Thanks xx

People are so insensitive. I am 12 weeks pregnant and I look like I did before I got pregnant after a big dinner!!

Don't let it get you down!


Star15 profile image
Star15 in reply to

Thank you, felt much better after a big cry and an early night! Just another knock to pick myself up from...! Congratulations on your pregnancy 😃 x

in reply to Star15

You poor thing - people make me so mad! Imagine making you cry like that.

Hope you feel better.


I had this recently with my old boss who I bumped into looking at my stomach and asking 2 weeks after my failed transfer. I just said I'm fat and clearly need to get down the gym and he had the grace to look really embarrassed. I advised him that unless someone is very obviously pregnant I.e. more than 6 months and rubbing their round belly it is probably best not to guess or make assumptions! He tried to fudge it by saying someone had told him but I know that's not true! I'm going out my bike this morning to try and get rid of this "food baby" 😂 xx

Star15 profile image
Star15 in reply to HollieW

😞 Who does that?! Well done for telling him about not making assumptions, I’m sure people genuinely don’t realise what some people go through and hopefully he won’t do it again! The next morning at weigh-in I’d lost a stone so took that as a positive at least! Hope your next FET goes well x

HollieW profile image
HollieW in reply to Star15

I know right?! Luckily I could see the funny side and was more embarrassing for him than me! Well done on your weight loss I need to lose around a stone but so hard in this weather to get motivated! Hope all goes well for you xxx

That must have been really hurtful. What an idiot. Some people have no idea!! Oh I'm sick of people who I haven't seen for ages looking directly at my belly to "check". I don't think they mean to be so obvious but it's clearly on their minds. One guy once said "you're not pregnant yet then" when they saw me drinking a pint many months back. Was so mad, (I drank another 3) This process has taught me that we don't know what is happening in peoples lives and to be respectful of that. I am pregnant now but it's only showing in my spotty face! xx

Star15 profile image
Star15 in reply to

Managed to hold it together to excuse myself but couldn’t help but have a little cry on the way home. You’re so right about not knowing what people are going through. I too sense people looking at me and wondering if I’m pregnant and it’s not nice. Part of the annoyance of this journey is the not being able to drink, often feel like a large glass of wine would be a big help! Many congratulations on your pregnancy and hope everything goes smoothly for you x

It’s so awful when this happens. I turned round and said no and I never will be when an insensitive woman said this to me. She looked horrified at my response. I then said but thanks for the feedback and the diet starts on Monday. Needless to say she went away in tears. Perhaps that will teach her. I have decided if anyone else asks me again I will ask what makes them think that. Then they’re put on the spot to body shame me. If they do, I can suggest that body shaming is responsible for a huge amount of depression in this country and is indicative of people’s own insecurities. I doubt they’ll ask again. I’m so sorry you’ve had this happen to you. Keep strong and believe in yourself. Your strength and resilience is beautiful and what genuine people find attractive. xxx

Star15 profile image
Star15 in reply to _MrsC

Asking why someone said it is a good idea if it happens again! I’m definitely having to dig out all my strength and resilience during this journey but I guess that’s what we ladies do! X

Some people are idiots. There needs to be some major education in society about why it’s never ok to ask a woman if she is pregnant!!!!!!

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