2 week bubble : Ever since our loss... - Fertility Network UK

Fertility Network UK

34,307 members44,055 posts

2 week bubble

beauty1984 profile image
beauty1984

Images are hidden by default on this community.

Ever since our loss just over a month ago I have found I have become filled with bitterness....bitterness at hearing of other women who announce they are pregnant, it is such an awful feeling and I hate it. Who am I to feel that way!! I don’t know the person I am at the moment and this journey has changed me in ways I didn’t think it would. Did anyone else feel this way? Or am I the only one? I don’t want to be this person or to feel this way. Of course every pregnancy is wonderful news and should be celebrated and I would never take that away from anyone especially all you lovely ladies who have/are going through this journey, and I apologise if I offend anyone saying this, I am really sorry. I hope in time I will learn to feel like my old self.....to help the healing process my step dad gave us the most amazing wedding present...a 2 week holiday to Orlando, so my husband and I had a late honeymoon and the past 2 weeks have been perfect. I feel like my old self again. We have had so much fun and it has helped me to be happy, I have laughed and smiled so much that I dont recognise myself. It has been perfect. Tomorrow we head back home and I’m so scared of turning back into that person I don’t know, of going back to reality and facing it all. I’ve enjoyed our little bubble of happiness and don’t want it to end.

8 Replies
Hidden profile image
Hidden

Hi Hun, it's very early days after your loss & I'd say some bitterness is normal. I suffered 2 miscarriages after being told I'd never concieve & felt like a total bitch afterwards! I never felt bitterness as such, more angry that my stupid body couldn't do what other women seemed to be doing with ease & resentment set in. Every pregnancy announcement really irritated me beyond belief. I had a couple of friends who were trying to fall pregnant at the time & dreaded seeing them in case they had pregnancy news. Miscarriages are beyond cruel as you have all your hopes & dreams snatched away ,which for me was more difficult than the physical loss. Don't go down the road of feeling crap about yourself & take time to grieve. I promise you ,given time it doesn't hurt quite so much. That's when you begin to look to the future & make plans... Once it's time for that you begin to feel happy again. I was at rock bottom last April but this April I got a BFP after IVF. I'm 14 weeks pregnant now & even after a perfect 12 week scan the worry of it going wrong again hasn't left me. It's bloody hard ,so pregnancy loss does change you but you will be ok. I'm glad you're enjoying Orlando, I've not been for a few years now but love it there 😘 xx

Totally totally normal! One of my biggest frustrations with ivf is we become someone we never thought we would at certain points. And when we let our hair down, don’t stop life, switch of and just enjoy ourselves... I found myself thinking... this is who I am!!! The break is probably what you needed. You won’t return to the person you don’t know... you’ll feel refreshed and ready. I found that making sure I planned other nice things really helped us. Didn’t have to be costly... but we’re nice moments to just be us x

Hidden profile image
Hidden

Take care. Still so early after your loss.

I love Florida. I wish I could live there tbh. I always feel happy there. 💗

Hi Hun you are not alone in feeling this way. It's early days and you are bound to feel angry and bitter, these feelings do not last. After my last two miscarriages I felt bitter and angry at the whole world, it has got easier and I still have my moments but I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. Allow yourself time to grieve and be kind to yourself. This whole journey changes us in so many ways. A holiday is certainly just what you needed. Big hugs xxx

Hidden profile image
Hidden

You won’t go back to that person because you’ve been kind to yourself, had wonderful adventure and beautiful bonding with your husband and realise how blessed you both are to have each other. I’ve had 6 painful pregnancy losses ranging from 7 to 14 weeks which killed us but after a few weeks of hating the world, like you we had fun, did all the things you can’t do when you have kids and then felt the strength and desire to crack on and try again. Never give up!! Even my clinic told me to give up but we knew what we wanted and currently 13 and a half weeks pregnant 🙏🏼 Xxx

Hi beauty

You are so not alone in feeling this, it took me a long time to not feel envious towards other pregnant women after our MC's. Not to mention it seems to be everywhere, TV, FB, work, friends!! But I think you're just tunes in to it so you notice it more.

Give yourself time, and allow yourself to have those low moments without beating yourself up. But also most importantly allow yourself to be happy!! I found I beat myself up, feeling like a failure, unworthy of gifts at Xmas, put all celebrations on hold because I didn't deserve it. But you know what, I do and you do too!

I'm glad you enjoyed your belated honeymoon, sounds like it's just what the doctor ordered. Keep your head up chick, you will get there xxx

Totally normal. I felt so many awful feelings and it was like I had a personality transplant. So angry and bitter all the time but it does pass! Don’t be too hard on yourself. This journey is hard enough xxx

hey hun...all these feelings are normal sadly..I feel the very same after our miscarriage in April. I have become a person I don't always recognise. .it'seems of hard but sounds like your holiday was just the ticket. .coming home will be hard but keep doing nice things and laughing and hopefully the good times will out weight the bad eventually xx

You may also like...