Wondering if any of you lovely ladies have faced any challenges at work (time off/discrimination)

[Silvercloud88]

Hi all

Just wondering whether any of you on the IVF journey have faced any challenges in the workplace ?

[Olivia80]

So far, work don’t know!

I’ve been really lucky, I work a 4 day week and managed to get my scans on bank holiday Monday and on my days off each week. Worked from home the morning after egg collection then into London for a meeting. Embryo transfer is now scheduled for Monday, my day off, then back in for a normal week after. I work in construction - a male world(!) and have been pretty adamant that I don’t want this to affect my career if it doesn’t work. So far I think they think, having been married for 5 years, that I don’t want kids 🤣

[emu2016]

No... are you?

There are regulations that support IVF - technically at point or egg transfer you’re pregnant and your Dr can support with sick note if required.

Is it the appointments leading up? x

[Silvercloud88 in reply to emu2016]

Thanks - yes sadly. Don’t want to share to much but I feel that boundaries have been crossed in relation to discussions about my intended working pattern after mat leave ...... and I haven’t started this round yet ......

[emu2016 in reply to Silvercloud88]

Don’t put yourself under any pressure about thinking about mat leave and there after. Concentrate on the now. You’ll be entitled to so much support from your work once you need it at that stage. I think an informal chat about it with HR might help? As in - “if I considered children/IVF next year...”

do not let them push you in to taking a back seat. Being a woman in business is hard enough as it is. One going through ivf remains a taboo and even more difficult. xx

[emu2016 in reply to emu2016]

Use this site too: m.acas.org.uk/

[Hidden]

That's a very interesting question. My work have been amazing this year. I told them (finally) in December that I was going to Spain for treatment and they were brilliant.

After that treatment didn't work my boss responded to an email I sent on a Saturday morning at 6am to grant my request for 3 months unpaid leave. He had mentioned to me before that it wouldn't harm my career and I needed to prioritise. He could not have been more helpful and before I needed to return after the new year it was all sorted. All I needed to do was to send am email to various people to tell them I wouldn't be around for a few months.

Again, following my successful transfer in March when I asked to extend my leave until the 12 week point, they were amazing and all happened with no questions.

I returned to work 3 weeks ago and feel very lost at sea. Apparently my position no longer exists however someone else was taken on (who started in April) to do a similar role. Not to be disheartened - there is a special assignment they want me to do although they haven't quite yet worked out what that is to be. Three weeks of doing online training later and barely a conversation with anyone. I am worrying in several ways:

- are they trying to give me an easy time of it so I don't get too stressed the next time? Not likely that any company would do that. But if they are - why not just tell me?

- have I misinterpreted something and all will be revealed on Tuesday when there is a catch up? I really hope so!

- are they waiting for me to fail spectacularly so they can fire me? This is the growing fear I have.

- are they waiting for me to get fed up and leave? Could be construed as constructive dismissal?

I am trying to practice my mindfulness and not try to go over and over all the things that might or might not be. It grows more difficult each day.

Sorry to go on. Your post made my hands type out my greatest fears of the moment.

I think perhaps you might have been asking in terms of scans, two week wait etc? Our company policy is to allow time off for medical appointments- I have done a lot of reading the last few weeks. In terms of 2 weeks some people get a drs note, others take leave.

I do hope you are not in a similar situation to me. Speaking with people at work will help. I felt a great weight off my shoulders when I explained what I was doing. Only to a select few, but it still helped.

Good luck xx

[Silvercloud88 in reply to Hidden]

Interesting response ....

[Hidden in reply to Silvercloud88]

Sorry. I hope it didn't bring too many negatives.

If they are asking about post mat leave that is definitely breaching boundaries surely? Do you have an HR representative?

[Silvercloud88 in reply to Hidden]

Sorry had a tech glitch

Interesting response .... is it possible for you to speak to someone to get some reassurance ?

I am debating whether to speak to HR about some of the conversations and comments made by my manager. However I am very concerned about the impact that might have on me and my career.

The sad thing about having to share info to get time off is that people know that you are trying for a child.

I am taking a period of time off for this cycle with the majority unpaid...

The challenges are that I have been asked to change my working pattern even before I am pregnant ........

[Hidden in reply to Silvercloud88]

Can you get independent legal advice? Just to check your rights?

X

[Silvercloud88 in reply to Hidden]

I think that’s worth considering thank you x

[Dunla]

No, work has always been very accommodating and supportive of time off etc. Your GP can sign you off if necessary and in my experience, will ask how you wish the note to be worded if you prefer your employer didn’t know you were having IVF xx

[Hidden]

I got made redundant just as I was starting IVF...Not good timing at all, and found it hard to apply for jobs as I knew I would have to request time off for a frozen and then again for potential further full round.

Been in limbo for 8 months which has been a financial strain.

My boyfriend had to tell his work as he couldn't go on a trip abroad due to egg collection - he was really worried about it, but got a new female manager and she has been amazing. Totally understands and letting him escape for appointments. I know it is not the same for men.......

I wouldn't have been able to do this process in my previous job as it was in a very unprofessional and highly stressful fashion brand.

Praying that I can click back into my career after this process - but it is a constant worry.

Best of Luck to everyone trying to negotiate this alongside the IVF!

Xxx

[emu2016 in reply to Hidden]

OMG! What a journey! I can’t imagine what that must feel like! I was going through a restructure the first time round and it appears one may start soon this year too! Fingers crossed for you. It is NOT the same for men! x

[Hidden in reply to emu2016]

Aww thanks haha yes it is indeed a 'journey' and my friends and family do not know, so they think I am a bit of a looser 😅 who is probably trying to 'find' myself!

Just trying to find a baby....

Using it as a chance to think about a new career - but hurry up baby! 😆

Xxx

[emu2016 in reply to Hidden]

Definitely not a loser. Fighter and hopefully a winner x

[Hidden in reply to emu2016]

Hope all is well with you! I have been following. Xxx

[emu2016 in reply to Hidden]

Still do not feel pregnant. 😂 thank you xx

[Aleelilook]

Well my headteacher gave me plenty of time off, and always gave me the green light, very understanding when I had a miscarriage etc. However when the new Trust took over the HR dept advised me to be signed off.

The problem I had was my head teacher employed another teacher to do my job just in case I got pregnant, which I did, but then lost the baby. This meant I had less of my own subject to teach (I was head of the department!) then my students were tricky to deal with. I found it was the stress on the impact my absence was having, and although supportive I did feel a little pushed to the side, like a special case.

Anyway I basically couldn’t take the stress with work any longer as it was making me ill and I took an unpaid sabbatical, and since then I’ve realised I don’t want to teach and I’ve taken voluntary redundancy! I always knew I’d leave teaching at some point and this just gave me the kick up the arse I needed I think. Xx

[LKT1]

I’m starting as an NQT in September which is aweful timing with our up and coming process. I have already received 3 appointments at clinic I can’t attend as it’s during school time. As im just starting teaching career and at a new school, I don’t feel able to ask for the time off. I have rearranged the appointments to half term but if I keep doing this it’s going to significantly slow down the process.

I’m terrified of asking for time off during term time. I have no idea how they will respond And I’m worried they will find ways to fail me on my NQT year as they may not want to keep me on if I need time off.....or they may even be really supportive of it all...at moment I’m just not brave enough to bring it up 😬. I hope all goes well for you re your workplace.