Hi everyone

[Mashkatie123]

I just wanted some advice, and maybe even come to terms with some feelings, I've been reading some of your posts and there are a lot of issues covered so hopefully someone will be able to advise x

So here goes!

I have been pregnant when I was 20 years old, I had a termination as I personally felt I was too young and I was not in a good place in terms of my relationship. At 23 I went to my GP and told him I was no longer having regular periods, He said to not worry and when I want children we would discuss it then as some women just dont'.... Stupidly I took his advice as I was young and thought GP's were the fountain of knowledge! Fast forward to years of misdiagnosis.....chrones.....IBS......Allergies to wheat etc etc. I was then 28 and put my foot down and said simply this is not right, I felt like I was constantly in pain and had maybe 2 periods a year. I was sent for a scan and smear and I was told that I had to have a procedure as I had abnormal cells (my mum had ovarian cancer at 35 and had a full hysterectomy) they told me all the cells were zapped out and gone and I had smears every 6 months for the next 2 years which all came back fine (I am now on a yearly recall). I was with a long term partner for 3/4 years and we had unprotected sex for the full relationship, as we were quite prepared to be parents. nothing happened so we fought constantly as I was not happy, because we couldn't get pregnant and because he made me feel bad about myself.

I have recently married my best friend of 10 years and we have been together for 4 years and been trying for a baby for 3, again nothing. We have had all the tests, they now say I have PCOS (my husbands sperm is 'fantastic' apparently) so they tell me to loose weight, I have lost 3 stone and then they tell me to stop smoking which I haven't as of yet completely but have cut down to 5/6 a day max (dont want to put weight on again if I stop completely, ((which I have done before when quit for 6 months)) as my BMI is below 29 'IVF criteria')The point to this is I am less and less myself each day and have outbursts of just crying, I avoid my pregnant friends too! and its making me anxious. I don't know what to do as I do not want to push my husband away by being miserable as he is the best thing to ever happen to me. but I am starting to hate the fact that he doesn't know how to comfort me as he just says we are ok as we are, and it doesn't matter if we have children! 'if it happens it happens'' ....please help! x

[Hidden]

Sorry to hear that you have been through so much and glad that you have found someone you are happy with. Perhaps it is worth sitting down with your other half to talk about what you are both prepared to do re having children and it sounds like you would like to do something.

With PCOS, you can be less likely to release an egg each cycle so chances of pregnancy can be reduced. How often do you have periods at the moment? Your GP can offer you medication eg metformin to make your periods more regular and help you conceive. Other options include medication like Clomid (simplified- it helps you produce more eggs)but that has to prescribed by a fertility doctor if you are going the NHS route. Well done on your weight loss- that will help with your PCOS.

Whilst you are a smoker (well done on cutting down) you won’t be eligible for IVF referral on the NHS- you may have to check with your GP if the hospital will even accept the referral.

Maybe think about some counselling as well- it’s such an emotional rollercoaster and having a safe place to talk about things without worrying about hurting a loved one’s feelings is really helpful.

Good luck!!

[Mashkatie123 in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou for your advice, We have an appointment on Thursday with our GP, so will ask about a referral, and what the exact criteria is. I have tried metformin, I did not get on with it, as it was giving me severe stomach cramps (even when they reduced the strength). I will hopefully learn more on Thursday as to what they can do. My husband and I have written a list of questions to ask the doctor, instead of them going around and around in my head.

thanks again.....sometimes you just need a rant

[Lynnr54]

It’s perfectly normal in this journey to be over emotional and have outbursts of crying. It’s a tough time and everyone deals with it differently. It also puts a lot of strain on marriages. It’s not uncommon for men not to be able to show their feelings and to try and comfort you in whatever way he thinks is best. He sounds like he is trying to reassure you that he loves you whatever happens.

Have you talked to your GP about referring you to a fertility specialist? There are other avenues to explore before reaching IVF so you have time to progress with your weight loss and it is worth asking to be out on the waiting list sooner rather than later. As Zoe says you are likely to need to give up smoking before being eligible for IVF (not sure if you will before a referral) and it sounds like you’ve done a great job cutting down already. Your GP should be able to tell you exactly what you need to do before a referral. In the meantime, like Zoe said, counselling could be a good option to help you and your hubby work through your feelings.