Some of you know that, due to having found we need PGD, I’ve been having my latest ICSI cycle at two clinics- the one only 20 miles from my home (who I’ve used before and like) and their sister clinic who are licensed for NHS PGD about 75 miles away from home. It’s much bigger, more impersonal and generally we have not been as impressed. But I think we might be predisposed to nit-pick due to feeling like we have to use them rather than wanting to use them, and because we are out of our comfort zone.
But I don’t think I was nitpicking about poor treatment today. See what you think.
Had EC and mock ET under sedation today. Have had problems with cervix before and it’s become a real source of anxiety for me so, despite a successful cervical dilation, my previous clinic have been happy to do ET under sedation for me. The doctor today (whom I’ve never met before, barely spoke to me before the procedure and first time I’ve had such a procedure done by a man, not that this should matter but it sort of does) found the mock ET easy and said there is no clinical reason for me to have ET under sedation. I tried to have a conversation with him about this whilst in recovery (about 45 mins after my EC) and it quickly reached a point where he told me to “stop arguing” with him. My husband agreed that I was not arguing but I was trying to ask questions to understand my next steps. The doctor was not listening and was talking over me, not hearing my concerns about the emotional implications.
He had patronised the wrong person- my adrenalin kicked right in, my blood pressure shot back up (a good thing I guess) so I was able to sit up, and somehow I managed to remain calm enough to tell him that I did not appreciate being treated like a five year old and that I felt I was entitled to ask questions about my care. He backed down somewhat, began to treat me like an intelligent human and conceded that perhaps he could start an ET and if I got too stressed he could have an anaesthetist waiting outside the door to sedate me at that point!!!!!!
I gave up at this point and hubbie and I ended up complaining to the clinic director, who took it seriously and arranged for the medical director to come down and talk me through future plans. Fortunately, she agreed that I should be allowed sedation for ET even if it looked as though it was clinically not going to be a difficult transfer, and that an anaesthetist waiting outside the door was a ridiculous idea because if it got to that point I would already be too tense and stressed to have a successful ET. She’s also said that, since this is a “freeze all” cycle, we can make sure that if I get to have a frozen embryo transfer, it will be scheduled so it is not that doctor. Whom I never want to allow anywhere near my womanly bits again!
Frankly, until he grows a vagina and a retroverted uterus with pinhole cervix, and feels what it’s like to have some metal twisted around in there, plus tries out the “cervical clamp” they used on the last attempt I was awake for, he shouldn’t be pretending to know what is best for me.
I should be feeling pleased to have had 16 eggs collected and ten suitable for ICsi (previous attempts were 11 and 9 but poor maturity) but I just feel upset and emotional.
I know this post is waaay too long but I could really do with some positive affirmations that I was right to complain and that it’s not a minor thing to have a problem with conscious embryo transfer- I know it’s fine for most people but there are exceptions to every rule. I keep thinking how much worse it would be if he had been talking to someone who had experienced sexual abuse for example. You really would think a gynaecologist would know better.
Ok, rant over. And breathe!
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Lizzielizzielizzie
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I think you were right to complain you shouldn't be treated like that especially after egg collection. I'm glad that you will get sedation the last thing you want to be is tense when they are doing transfer. It's never nice having things done down there especially with a retroverted uterus! I have a retroverted uterus and smear tests have always been awful. Good luck with everything xxx
I think u were totally right to express how u feel!!!! These procedures are very intrusive and you have to feel comfortable with ur doctor and reassured they are listening to ur views. This is not the same thing but at my scan on tueaday it was done by a Consultant id never met before, he was really nice but didnt even introduce himself before sticking the camera up and i even thought that was a bit uncomfortable. This is on a totally different level. You were definitly right to speak up. Well done! X
Introducing yourself or being introduced is just basic! I think they forget that, what is routine to them, is far from routine for us and is in fact about as invasive as you can get!
Firstly, huge congrats on your egg numbers...well done you 😊 But oh my goodness that doctor sounds horrible. A little bit of compassion and respect go a long way. You were absolutely right to stand your ground and complain about his behaviour. You have a right to the best treatment possible and to be completely informed of the process. You should be proud of yourself to have stood up in this way, particularly in the face of new and unfamiliar surroundings. Put that man out of your head and concentrate now on your recovery 😘 xxx
Just writing it all down helped me to relax, as did the phone call from embryology letting me know that ten eggs were suitable for icsi. Then you lovely supportive ladies have helped me stop feeling like a moaning Minnie for making a complaint. Thank goodness for this board! Xx
You were 100% right to complain. I’ve done ET today under sedation as I asked my dr before, I’m bad with smear test and internal scan so that was no chance for me to do it while I’m awake, well worth to pay for that defo do under sedation! Good luck xxx
Oh Lizzie. I’m so sorry you had such a terrible experience today, it’s simply wrong that he spoke to you that way and I’m very glad that you made a complaint. I’m so pleased that they’ve agreed to the sedation but angry for you that you actually had to make a complaint to get there.
I just hope you can focus on the fact that they’ve agreed now so you don’t have to worry going forward and I’m soooo pleased for you and your number of mature eggs. Keeping everything crossed for a high fertilisation rate tomorrow. Xx
UPDATE - 6 fertilised eggs (and one which fertilised abnormally) so, normal fertilisation rates from our ten that were suitable for ICSI. Feels like the first hurdle has been overcome.
And a delivery of flowers from my clinic this morning... they clearly feel bad for upsetting me yesterday!
Blimey what an insensitive man! Sounds like you were quite right to complain and to seek reassurance that you can have sedation and will have a different doctor. At the end of the day as you said it’s your care and you have a right to be seen by someone you feel comfortable with and whose care plan you feel comfortable with. Well done for standing up for yourself in what can be a vulnerable situation! I hope it’s given him some food for thought too!
What a good amount of eggs! I hope the ICSI and PGD go well and that you can look forward to preparing for your transfer soon. Xxxxx
Just want to say what a trooper you are Lizzie, and good on you for not being steam-rolled. And fantastic result on the eggs!! Take it easy for a couple of days, you deserve it. Lots of love for the next stages xx
You have every right to have complained. It sounds awful...he is in the wrong job. It doesn't matter what standard protocol is...You have a different requirement. I honestly don't think that some of the people who work in this field get it or maybe they're too over worked. It's a very personal thing and you should be treated with respect and attention every step of the way. I completely understand why you're upset and am pleased you stuck up for yourself and complained - go You!
I will be thinking of you and wishing you all the best for fertilisation.
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Egg Collection done ✔
Egg collection done ✅
Egg collection done 👍🐣✅✔
Egg collection done ✔
