IVF, Christmas and mental health- AAR... - Fertility Network UK

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IVF, Christmas and mental health- AARRGGHHH!!

Amy-gert profile image
8 Replies

Hi everyone.

I'm new to here but wondered how you all managed with mental health and IVF at any time of the year but particularly Christmas.

My husband has 6 nieces and 1 nephew and we're the only childless couple in his family. Christmas is simply a minefield!

🎅😳 xx

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Amy-gert profile image
Amy-gert
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8 Replies
Positive2022 profile image
Positive2022

Hi lovely, Xmas can be such a difficult time, I do hope you are doing ok. I'm at the beginning of things... Taking Clomid but next step will be IVF if not successful and i think I've been struggling with digesting the news of my problem. My husband and I are also the only childless couple and on my husband's side we have 3 nephews and 2 neices. To be honest, as hard as I find things I am just trying to keep positive (easier said than done!) and keep myself busy, giving myself things to focus on and look forward to. I'm determined to enjoy the festivities as best as I can. I really hope you enjoy Xmas and wishing you every success with your journey and sending you love and BIG hugs ❤ xxx

Amy-gert profile image
Amy-gert in reply to Positive2022

Thank you Poppy149.

I generally do try and stay positive but its been creeping up these last few weeks.

We've been trying for 4 years, IVF for 2 but no reason as to why its not happening for us.

Maybe keeping busy is a good idea, that and more mince pies and Christmas films!

Thank you and I hope your journey goes well xx

Positive2022 profile image
Positive2022 in reply to Amy-gert

Take care lovely, I do understand how difficult things can feel. It's such an emotional rollercoaster. I actually had what I call one of my 'down days' today. I had a quiet afternoon whilst hubby was working and whilst sat on the sofa suddenly started to feel very emotional. Don't know what came over me. Not sure if it was the Clomid making feel rubbish or the disappointng scan results this week or time of year. Either way, i've decided to try and do something positive each day to take my mind off things. I'm with you on the mince pies and Christmas films. My inbox is always open if you need a chat xxx

Amy-gert profile image
Amy-gert in reply to Positive2022

Thank you.

I definitely find that when I've started the medication for IVF I hit a slump.

Today I am wrapping presents and watching crappy TV! xxx

Positive2022 profile image
Positive2022 in reply to Amy-gert

The meds can make you feel very up and down. I have certainly found this with Clomid. I'm an emotional wreck at the moment, keep swinging from feeling great and positive to the complete oopposite. Enjoy those Xmas films and mince pies. I going to make the most of the festivities xxx

lorraineb61 profile image
lorraineb61

Hi & welcome!! Myself and my OH are also the only childless couple on his side of the family. His 3 brothers all have 2 children each, the most recent one was born 2 days ago!!! 1 brother's children are teenagers & they are fine - I can deal with them all day long but my OH 2 other brothers have 4 children between them with the oldest going to be 3 in March!!! Their pregnancies have been difficult to deal with as we knew that we were requiring IVF at the time!!! I grudgingly put my Christmas tree up last night but it was only because we have family coming - other than that - I'm not sure I would have put it up!

All you can do is focus on 1 day at a time. I'm now counting down the sleeps till Xmas is well & truly over!!! Hopefully next Christmas, we will be able to celebrate & enjoy it!

x

I know it isn’t for everyone but I try to make the most of my nieces at this time of year and see it as a privilege that we get to share the magic of Christmas with some special little people even though they’re not our own. I find it gets easier as other people’s children get older and pregnancy is the hardest to deal with. I have put a lot of energy into building good relationships with my two nieces (now 4 and 2) and have been rewarded by now being trusted by my sil to look after them for whole days at a time when I want to. We have lots of fun!

Being an aunty isn’t as good as being a Mum but it has its own charms and it means I get to be part of lots of those moments that, as someone struggling with infertility, you worry that you’ll never get to experience as your own. For example I got to do some of the pick ups and drop offs for oldest niece’s first days at school, something that I had always dreamed of.

I just wanted to present an alternative viewpoint. I know it’s really hard but I truly believe in making the most of what you do have rather than mourning the life you don’t have.

Lilli79 profile image
Lilli79

Hey, yep I've been there. We're the only childless couple in our family. Not sure if it's possible for you but I find avoiding the Christmas morning/Santa time for the kids is a good avoidance tactic to not get upset (if that's something that your family do). In my parents house christmas dinner and NYE celebrations tend to be adult focused affairs so I don't mind these too much. If you want a nice Christmas gift to yourself I'd suggest reflexology, it calms me & gives me a bit of perspective if you're struggling while on the meds. Good luck xx

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