So I’ve known for months my best friend is getting proposed to this weekend (so excited for her) and that her partner wanted us to meet them in London on Saturday for surprise drinks to celebrate however at the time of agreeing it i thought I’d be pregnant and it’d all be exciting.
Our dogs have been booked into the dog sitters for the weekend but today he text with all the details but I can’t think of anything worse than going into London and pretending like everything’s okay. I’m really struggling with my anxiety at the moment and being in big groups. I’d much rather use the time to have some quality time with my Hubby.
However I feel like I’d really be letting my best friend down if I don’t go and of course it’s not something I can speak to her about before hand 😩 what would you do?
Thank you for any advice xx
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I'd send a lovely card and little prezzie text her partner saying your really unwell and can't make it. Sorry your feeling the, way you are but I know exactly how your feeling I struggle with large groups a lot of time. Xxx
Sometimes I think you have to make yourself do these kind of things otherwise it's a slippery slope to avoiding everything that may bring you some joy. Life is hard enough without missing out on some of the good bits. Having said that though, if you're really not feeling up to it and you think it's going to cause u more angst than joy then defo spend quality time with hubby xx
If it was me I would text my friends partner and let him know your not feeling great and you don't think you'll manage to stay for the whole night but you'll pop along for a couple of drinks (just to show face).
Then maybe you and hubby could leave and do something nice together?
If you don't fancy being in big groups just now then that's absolutely fine, but I do think pop along even if only for a short time. I think you would maybe regret not going at all.
Thank you, originally we was meant to be meeting at 4pm which I thought would be perfect for a few drinks but now he’s changed in to 7pm which has made it all more awkward. Hope your doing okay xx
Ahh I see, that does make it more awkward that time. I'd say just do whatever you feel is best for you 🙂 If you really can't face it then don't make yourself go. Your friends will understand xxx
I think I'd go. It might prove to be a good distraction albeit temporary, you get to share a wonderful celebration with your best friend and if you went earlier/left a bit earlier you could have some time with just your husband as well. X
Just after my first misscarrage I had one of my best friends birthday parties coming up, her boyfriend had taken her away mid week and proposed...immediately she text me with the great news and said they'd be combining her bday with a engagement party, she said she'd completely understand if my hubby and I weren't upto it and told me to be a bit more selfish as i always go to everything. We did go but sat alone for most of the night as we really didn't feel like socialising. Kind of wish we hadn't and I'd met with my friend later as I felt conscious that people would have noticed we weren't ourselves (used to be the life and soul), someone even asked me if I was pregnant as I wasnt myself. I'd recommend that if you're not feeling it don't go. Spend some quality time with hubby. Your best friend will definately understand and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Sometimes we need to be a bit selfish xxxx
Thank you so much, that’s my worry to that well just be left not actually enjoying ourselves. There’s only 8 of us going and I know she would understand I just feel guilty not going that this journey has even robbed me of being able to enjoy celebrations with my best friend. I feel like if I go it’ll just be for them not for because I want to go myself xx
I understand completely hun...tbh we don't enjoy anything social anymore. Everyone says don't put everything into it and make time to enjoy yourselves but how can you when the one thing you want is so out of reach 😓. I'd really consider taking her our for a meal soon instead, will be nice to have some one on one time too, or as couples even with your hubbys. Xx
I know I’m the same, there all getting excited for a boozy night and I’m just not into that anymore. Exactly how can you not feel sad when you think about what ‘should’ have been. Hope your doing okay xx
I think I'm with the "don't go" ladies on this one. If you're already dreading it and even thinking about it is making you feel anxious then it doesn't sound like you will feel good about going.
I totally agree that it's a slippery slope, and you don't want to withdraw completely from your friends, but you really do have to be selfish. I've always been the type to show up for everything; I hate being flaky or not turning up to things, but like it or not my m/cs and trouble conceiving have changed how I feel in social situations. I wish it wasn't the case, but for now I know I need to keep a low profile.
If this is a really close friend, perhaps you can call her afterwards to congratulate her and explain why you couldn't make it but arrange a celebratory dinner just the 4 of you? With Christmas coming up too it could be a combined celebration.
It's really not easy. But if it's quality time you and your OH need (and God knows on this journey there's so much pressure on a relationship that quality time is essential), then that's what you have to do.
Sending lots of love and strength to you - do what's right for you xxxx
Thank you so much, your right in all you’ve said. I worry about the slippery slope of just shutting myself away but I don’t want to go for the sake of it and then regret going cause it’ll just be my poor Hubby that gets the brunt of my bad mood. Hope your doing okay xx
I’d say don’t go - your best friend will understand and you could let her bf know before hand that you can’t handle big groups at the mo or being too far from home and he’ll have to understand. You could ask him to video call you after he’s proposed so you can share the excitement with them? Xxx
Or, when my friend proposed to another of our friends he collected video messages from us all beforehand and played them to him afterwards. Perhaps you could send him a video message for him to play to her afterwards? Xxx
I’d say don’t go there’s nothing worse than making yourself go out when all you want to do is stay at home. Although it’s a joyous time for your best friend it’s been a very trying and emotional time for you and you need time and space to heal. Once you’ve had some time you’ll feel loads better and can arrange another time to celebrate with her. She’s your best friend and she’ll completely understand that’s why she’s your bestie xxx
I think you need to do what feels right for you considering what you've had to deal with recently, if that means staying at home then do so. Your bf will understand and the video message sounds a brilliant idea!
In times where youre the most anxious and nervous, locking yourself away only makes it worse and fuels it more the next time you are invited out. Maybe what you nee is a good dose of fun, something that takes your mind off all of your personal fertility issues. When we were on our NHS cycle I was an absolute wreck with anxiety and I still get nervous all the time now. But I forced myself in to 'undesirable' situations and just talking about stuff completely unrelated to IVF, medications, injections and 'failure' helped me remember who I was before I embarked on the IVF journey. Re-connect with your friends babe, this is a happy occasion and you'll be so glad that you did!
She knows everything we’ve been through and it totally understanding but doesn’t know she’s being proposed to on Saturday or that any of us are surprising her so not something I can explain to her before x
Ah ok I see. I’ve always found telling friends easier too. I understand. Hope you find a way out of it, it’s not fun being sociable when you don’t feel like it x
Aw it’s a tough one when it’s your best friend, it’s no wonder you feel so conflicted.
You’ve been through so much recently that I’m sure she’ll understand if you don’t go.
On the flip side it sounds like it’ll be a very happy occasion (If she says yes!) and you might have a lovely time and leave behind all the stress and worry for 1 night.
I’m sure you’ll make the right decision for you and your OH xx
do what you feel is right for you and look at the pros and cons of each choice.
Don't feel under any pressure to go if you don't feel up to it. At the same time it might be a lovely night out which is what you perhaps could do with after all you have been through and going through. Just you decide which is best for you and your hubbie. You won't be doing wrong with either decision. Hope you are doing ok.xo
I really feel for you 💜 Have had sort of similar with big social fun celebrations, both around this time of year the last few years! First time I went & felt terrible, next year I didn’t go, which for me turned out better. Sounds like your friend will understand, especially as she knows what’s on your plate these days! 💖 I think you’ve had some good advice already, I think do what’s right for you and your husband. If you don’t go plan something lovely for the two of you. xxx
So sorry your going through this, remember it is ok to feel not ok! And I’m sure your friends would completely understand if you pop in for an hour orso or if you don’t go at all. Take care of yourselves xx
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ICSI - advice needed please 
Feeling like a bad friend
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