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Fertility Network UK
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First appointment for the fertility clinic - I can't believe it

I can not believe the fact that I'm about to make an appointment for a fertility clinic. I feel horrible. I am completely terrified.

I had hopes that this would never come. I feel like I can wait longer until something happens naturally, but inwardly I know that will not happen.

From the list of clinics that we had, I chose the one that seemed best to me. Last night I had a long conversation with my husband and we both decided that it was time. We are young, we can still keep trying, but we do not want to spend our whole lives in this. We have more plans. With babies and without babies. We do not know how long this will take us. I am afraid that the situation will get worse. I know of people who have taken six or seven years. My heart is broken in thousands of pieces.

Right now I have the phone in my hand. My husband is at his job and I was supposed to do this part. But I can not. It's easy, I know, but not for me.

I can only think of the fact that when we got married everything was so perfect. I was not even thinking that having babies could become stressful. For me, they would come as a beautiful surprise.

But not now. Oh, God, I'm so scared.

I know this must be out of place, but I know some of you can understand me.

10 Replies

What area are you in? Have you been to your gp?


Hi. It's the first time I'm going to go to a clinic like this. Before I went to my GP, that's why I was prescribed the clomid. I already made my appointment to go in two weeks. They told me that they would do routine exams first and then we would talk about the proper treatment. Everyone tells me that it is most likely that we go through the IVF. Until now my diagnosis was a hormonal problem. My husband is supposed to be fine. I do not know, right now I'm not sure of anything.


I'm not going to lie, the first round is scary. It's natural to be scared of the unknown. I hope it only takes you one round, but if it does take more than one, you'll be less afraid the next time because there's nothing to be afraid of. I've had two fresh cycles involving egg retrieval, and the worst I've had was some mild discomfort, so don't be afraid of pain. You're doing it for a good reason, and the results could be life-changing.

Best advice I could give you is to accept what's happening to you instead of focusing on all the reasons that it's unfair. Just take it one day at a time.


I can relate to everything you have said here.l and sound in a similar position. We have unexplained infertility after going through all the tests (which I delayed and delayed and delayed). Three years on and my husband wants to try with IVF and I only want it to happen naturally and not step into that arena. The pressure is immense to find the problem and then fix it, Of which accepting our diagnosis is the last option after untold impact of the journey to reach that acceptance. I wish I could stand-by my gut feel and choose to stop and but feel I can’t get off the conveyer belt care pathway without fear of how this will impact our relationship in the future. I am still undecided on how to progress and it has turned into constant overthinking and flipping from one choice to another. I try to focus on all the good stuff, because there is so much :)

It’s our 5th wedding anniversary this weekend and this is the first year I too mourn for that time when the future was full of hope and plans and excitement.

I can’t give you an answer or advice, but I can assure you that you are not the only one who feels like this. There maybe more, and probably very quiet about feeling like this.

Good luck in whatever you choose or do.


have you looked into natural ivf?


Yes, great to have more options for everyone to find what might feel right for them.


Hugs and good luck to you.


I think it’s the unknown that makes it scary, try not to look to far ahead. I to never dreamt I’d have to go through IVF and it took me a while to come to terms with and even now I still feel angry at times we’ve been dealt this path but one thing I can say is mine and my Hubby’s relationship is stronger than ever. Have things to look forward to along the way xx


So sorry you feel this way (I too was floored before by first recent appointment). If you can, try to remind yourself that by doing this you are taking positive steps, and taking back a bit of control in a situation that can feel sometimes like you have none.

Send you well wishes and hope the specialists are able to give you the support you need xxx


It's normal to be scared. No one wants to have to use a fertility clinic, we all want it to just happen how it's supposed to happen. You may not even need fertility treatment as such. After the investigations they will be able to tell you what you need. I saw a specialist on the NHS and had three rounds of Clomid which have not resulted in pregnancy. (We've had miscarriages in the past but not even a pregnancy recently). Now we are going to Prague in January for frozen embryo adoption. I'm not looking forward to all the drugs I need to inject and swallow but it's what I have to do if I want to be a Mummy. It's good that you are young though so time is on your side. It is quite stressful but try to go with the flow a bit. Keep telling yourself you've got time. I'm 45 and still childless so do feel some pressure of doing it before it's too late! X


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