Im new here - needing some support - Fertility Network UK

Fertility Network UK

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Im new here - needing some support


hi there - i have been a member for a while, reading your posts and taking courage and support from it all. I haven't posted as Ive almost been too afraid, but my first round of IVF failed this weekend - and Im just feeling incredibly lost and devastated.

I have a very very low AHM, my partner has a low sperm count and low mobility - after stims I only had two follicles produce 2 eggs, of which only one fertilised. On the day of ET (day 3) I had a grade 4 egg transferred , was told it was perfect 'beautiful' - waited for two weeks, took my test on friday and it was BFN, i got my period today (monday) which really made me realise its all over - i think i had been deluding myself that perhaps the test was wrong.

I just dont know how to begin to understand it all - I've done so much to try and make myself as healthy and as prepared possible (lost 2 stone, given up alcohol, given up caffeine, eating healthy - no sugar, processed foods, I take supplements, have acupuncture, fertility massage, exercise) - but maybe thats where I am coming undone? theres no reasons - it just doesn't work for some of us.

13 Replies

Oh sweets there really is nothing more you could have done, and sometimes it just doesn’t make sense. It’s totally natural to feel shell shocked afterwards, I know I was after my first failed round. But don’t give up, the first go is often a tester to see how we react to the meds etc. Not that that makes it any easier! I totally lost the plot after my first failed cycle and found great comfort in fertility counselling. It’s just really really shit right now xxx

Lopsi78 in reply to Aleelilook

thank you Aleelilook, I dont want to blame myself but I can't help it. i just worry as there isn't really anywhere else to go in terms of medication as I was on the strongest dose because of my age and low AMH.

I've called the counselling service that the hospital offers - i think i was hoping wouldn't need it?! hopefully that will help. x

Aleelilook in reply to Lopsi78

Good, there’s no harm in giving it a go, and try to be kind to yourself, it’s like witchcraft this fertility nonsense! Have you booked in your follow up appointment? It starts with an egg is an interesting book to have a look at, it’s quite intense but might give you some ideas of what to try next. Don’t lose hope just yet xxx

I understand your pain. I’ve had a failed round in January and it took me some time to be ready to tackle another round. The clinic told me round one is to see how you respond to meds and if you get pregnant -bonus! I’m currently on round two so fingers crossed but it does take an average of 3 rounds apparently

This time I’m trying acupuncture and they recommended change in diet to help. 75grams per day and coq-10 supplement for egg quality so that might help. I think it can help sperm quality as well. Just a thought

Good luck with everything xx

Lopsi78 in reply to penny24

thanks penny - i do take that, DHEA, L Arginine! acupuncture is brilliant - id definitely recommend it. good luck with your second round xx

Im so sorry you got a bfn, this really is the hardest and cruelest of journeys!! 💔 I too had a bfn on my first cycle just 6 weeks ago!! 😢

I hope you find the counselling helpful & that you take the time to look after yourself then consider your next steps/next round!! Wishing you the very best!! xx

My first round was a bfn too. Every thing was perfect; my lining was tri laminar and our embryo was a top grade blastocyst, it was even hatching out. I had so much hope. On otd I was crushed. I think more often than not, most first rounds result in a bfn (though there are some lucky ladies who manage it first time) I just don’t know why. Take care during this difficult time xx

Lopsi78 in reply to Tugsgirl

thank you. x

Hey lovely lady - it’s such a hard time so be kind to yourself. You sound like you did all you could to have the best shot. We had a bfn on our 1st round in May (we have male & female factors too - had just 2 embies make it for transfer) and it does crush your spirit but, as others have said, it is often a test and see on round 1 and you do slowly start to feel better about it. Go drink some coffee and some alcohol and just be you for a bit while you regroup. Take care and don’t beat yourself up! xx

Lopsi78 in reply to Loopielu

thank youx

It sounds like you did absolutely everything you could and more. As others have said, be kind and easy on yourself (which I know, is easier said than done) but it’s important you take time for yourself. Maybe try to see counselling as a positive thing and another avenue of support to help. I have no doubt that you will find this forum a good support too- lots of people to reach out to as/when needed x

Hello, I'm sorry that everything turned out so bad. I understand you, our first IVF also failed. And my husband and I believed that everything would be fine. But unfortunately it really does not work for some of us. I'm sorry that many people are faced with this problem. Now I'm depressed, I almost lost faith in the best. I do not know what I need to wait in the future, I do not want anything. I do not have the strength to fight even for my happiness. How is your morale now? Could you cope with your disaster? I sometimes get so bad, I start to cry, but I do not want to talk about my problems to my friends or relatives. I do not like their reaction to my words, they all support me, but I do not believe in their sincerity. Only at the forum I can open my soul. Tell me please, how do you feel about the surrogacy? Could you decide on this step? How do you think the surrogacy is often successful the first time?


I am very sorry for your trouble...You did everything possible,I think. I know it is stupid and annoying,but sometimes we should forget about our burden. I am at the beginning of the road,and sometimes it is devastating. Maybe counseling will you,for me it did wonders.

How long do you have the problem? Do you know what is next for you?

I really wish you all patience on the world to get through this. And I am sure that you will have great family soon !

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