It's been a while. 6 months to be exact. I'd like to say I'm feeling ready to be here again but the truth is I'm turning to you all for the little ray of light that you've always been. For those who have read my posts before you'll know I enjoy a little rant so please indulge me and forgive me for my negativity and self pity. I promise that once I've got this out I won't do it again.
It's been just over a year since our first ICSI cycle, since our miscarriage. I still think about it every day. Every day. It doesn't go away and a part of me doesn't want it to. I feel like I'm happy to live carrying around the pain of what happened with me. It's as though if I let it stop it wasn't real or I somehow don't care anymore. Does this make sense to anyone? I am letting myself stay in a little bit of misery because it's where I'm comfortable now. I don't really want to be happy because how can we ever really be happy again knowing what it feels like to be THAT happy? I know, I'm not the first person to go through this and I know that I am lucky in some respects; lucky that I wasn't further along and lucky that I've only experienced it the once. But that offers little comfort when to get to that point it took over a decade and your brain is trapped in a never-ending cycle of what ifs and whys. Was it something I did? Was it something I should have done? Is it because we really don't deserve this? After our second cycle failed in March the pity party love affair I seemed to be having with myself took over more than I would care to admit.
Thankfully all of the above is only in my head. No one would know that I am consumed by what has happened and have been for the past year because I play the part that you're supposed to play. I don't talk about it openly, I don't make others feel uncomfortable. When people ask me about it I tell them what they want to hear. I go to work and hear cases of people abusing children and failing to protect them but I don't ever let myself get emotional about the unfairness of it all. Instead I keep it all in my head; circling and whirring until I feel like I may burst with the frustration, the anger and the helplessness of it all. It is exhausting. This whole journey is exhausting.
And yet. Here we are again. I'm hoping that by being back here, by having this open forum and by reading all your stories to give my own perspective, I will get back the hope and positivity that I used to pride myself on having. There are three words I'm relying on to get me through; after over 10 years of trying, regardless of the outcome, I WAS PREGNANT. I had a life inside me. A life that we (with a little help) made. I have to keep this in mind. I have to remember how amazing my body is and how strong I can be. Will be.
So there you have it in a rambled little nutshell. I'm basically a miserable cow. But only on the inside so it doesn't count haha We saw our consultant a couple of weeks ago. He explained that my body does not respond to the long protocol meds so this time we're going for short protocol. He said they will test me every month until they get the 'magic number'. Whatever that may be. And when they're happy with the result that's when we will start. I'm excited, I'm nervous and I'm scared. I wish I was feeling more brave right now.
I'm not familiar with short protocol so I would be grateful for any help, information or advice. Be as honest as you possibly can be, I need to be prepared. This will be our last cycle with my own eggs. That's if I have some left. Please keep your fingers and toes (but not your legs) crossed for me as I will for all of you.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read. Sending lots of love to you all - my friends x x x
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MommaBear16
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We love you and we've missed you MommaBear. So good to hear from you. Sending love and strength for a happier end to your journey this time around but don't ever feel bad for missing the little one that didn't make it, they will always be a precious part of you no matter what happens next Xxx
Thank you so much for your kind words and oh my goodness - congratulations! What a beautiful little girl and such a pretty name! How are you both doing? x x x
It's good to have you back! I can relate to the way you feel, I hope your next cycle gives you more hope. I'm also getting ready for me next cycle, hopefully transfer in October. I've done short protocol twice now, the last time with a low amh of 5, I don't have any experience of long but my nurse always said short was easier as it misses out down regging! I've everything crossed for you!x
Thank you so much my love, I've just read your last post, sending you lots of love. You are so brave to keep going, I have everything crossed that this is your time.
My AMH hasn't been retested as the consultant said it wouldn't alter his plans but at the last check it was 5.8 (last October). Do you mind me asking how many eggs you got on your cycles? x x x
I actually did much better this last time than my first round, I collected 16, 9 mature, 7 fertilised and 4 blasto! (First round I got 2 blasto) I think I was much more prepared, drugs were better and collection was much smoother x
MommaBear it is nice to have you back! This journey is a roller coaster of emotions and not many people understand it (except all the lovely ladies in this forum). I have taken a 6 month gap after my 1st cycle and now in the midst of the second. I think you have to start when you feel ready, and once the scanning begins you'll start feeling more positive. My first cycle was the short protocol and I must say it's quicker and easier than the long so you'll have no worries. All you miss out are the 2 weeks of down regulation (and I had night sweats and headaches with down regs so nothing to miss out on 😂)
Wishing you all the best on your future cycle and keeps us updated Hun! ❤️
Thank you so much Claire, wishing you lots of luck on your cycle. I won't miss the down regging that's for sure! Let's hope there's good news to come for us both! x x x
Hey my love so so glad to see you back after what I can only imagine has been the most hideous of times. You were such a ray of sunshine in your posts when i started on here and you always knew what to say and when. As a fellow first time short protocoler I found it mucH less brutal as far as this whole process is brutal. .lol. I too know from the same type of job how hard that can be..you sound braver than me as I have found myself in tears often 😉surprised I still have a job..great to see you back it truly is and so very very brave lots of love xx
Thank you Vic my lovely friend, you are always so kind and supportive. I think coming back here was hard. My husband has mentioned coming back a couple of times and I would just cry saying I wasn't ready but I feel better having put all that negativity out into words, it's already helping me so much just knowing everyone is here, it's good to be back x x x
Ahh MommaBear welcome back, it's not been the same here without you. I have been wondering how you were getting on so it's lovely to see you post. I've only ever had the short protocol so I can't offer any wisdom compared to the long, but I have to say I didn't find it particularly gruelling (I know long can be awful with the down regging) and it was all completed within 3ish weeks which can only be a good thing! Sending you lots of strength and hugs for your next steps xxxx
Thank you so much Strawb! The more I read on here the more excited I'm getting. I'm actually a bit giddy at the thought of the needles again, I think I need to calm down!! haha How are you doing? I've just read your last post... how are things? x x x
Thank you so much lovely girl, I have just read your last post HUGE congratulations! You have been on one heck of a journey these past six months, I think you are amazing, such a strong lady. Wishing you so much luck with the rest of this journey, I can't wait for your next update x x x
No words of wisdom is afraid, nor am I familiar with the shirt protocols but wanted to reply to your message and pleased you are back in the forum....sure there will be lots of forthcoming support, advise etc oxo
I believe there will be and sometimes reading people's positive posts can be sad, but it can also be that glimmer of hope we need.... wishing you well
Welcome back and good to hear from you again wishing you all the best with your treatment. I too feel so lucky that I was pregnant even if it was for a few weeks it makes me so sad what could of been but also gives me hope for what can happen xxx
Hi nmill thank you so much. You are right, it has to give us hope. I am sure that we will get to where we want to be, where we deserve to be. Sending love x x x
Welcome back Mommabear 🙂 I did short protocol, I've never done long protocol so can't compare but I didn't find short protocol too bad and it only takes a few weeks as well. I think I did less than 2 weeks worth of injections.
I can relate to everything you've said. Like you I always pretend I'm ok but inside I'm screaming!! I guess we all have our own ways of dealing with things.
Hi Amanda, thank you so much for your message. I think short protocol sounds right up my street as I'm not a very patient person (after a decade of TTC I can see the irony there hahaha)!
It's nice sometimes to just be able to get it out in one go and take a breath and start again. Good luck for your upcoming FET - everything crossed for you x x x
@MommaBear16 welcome back! I remember you from my first cycle. Well, my second cycle (change from long to short protocol) was a winner: now a good 20 weeks pregnant with a little girl!
Honestly, the second cycle and the change to short protocol were such a different experience! Had loads more eggs, more mature eggs, better fertilisation rate and above all cracking cleaving rate, so apart from the little miracle in my expanding tummy I have a whopping 7 highest grade blasts in the freezer.
I hope going "short" will do the same trick for you. I'll be thinking of you and here through good and bad times. Not on the forum much but you can always pop me a PM as those will show up in my email. Thinking of you, and having my fingers crossed!
Ah and I should add: not as nearly as bad as an emotional and physical rollercoaster despite getting mild OHSS (from falling pregnant). The down regulation was much much worse! Xx
Oh my - your post brought the biggest smile to my face I can't tell you! Congratulations! Such amazing news, I am thrilled for you and you absolutely could not deserve this more!
Thank you so much for your kind words and support, wishing you well on the rest of this journey, please keep us updated. Lots of love x x x
Thank you so much lovely I really hope it's your turn this time and that the short protocol will do the trick for you too. Hang in there and PM me anytime if you need a rant, share or question! All the best of luck and lots of baby dust, you deserve this too!
Hello lovely, welcome back, you've been missed. I've done short protocol many times and responded better than the long protocol. I've preferred the short as it happens a quicker without having to down reg. it is also meant to be more aggressive than the the short to assist greater follicular growth. It doesn't shut down your ovaries like long protocol so you go straight into stimming.
Aw Hannah thank you so much! How are you getting on? With every post I read about short protocol I'm getting more excited. We're going to start in October as we have a lot going on in September and we want to go into it feeling calm x x x
Ooo not long now, i think you'll prefer the short protocol. Im OK, we are having a month off before we go again, I'm expecting my period 13th September so will start my treatment for my next FET. We got a chemical pregnancy last time so edge a little closer to where we want to be Xx
Lovely to see you back! I did short protocol in May start to finish it was less than 3 weeks, only had injections for 7 days as I responded very quickly to the meds, I was scanned 4 times before the egg collection, and had 14 eggs retrieved, managed to have 2 top grade embryos and had 1 put back in, I did have OHSS after egg collection but knew this would happen as my egg reserve was high.
I felt the short protocol was very quick almost rushed but it goes with your cycle starting on day one and if you respond well it's all over by day 18-20 of the cycle and your PUPO, so very fast!
Unfortunately mine ended in a miscarriage at 5 weeks, I'm now waiting for my cycle to start again for a FET. Not sure I'm ever going to fully recover mentally but feel like bows the right time to go for the next cycle.
Wish you lots of positive vibes and hope it all goes ok xxx
Thank you so much for your message and sharing your experience, I am so sorry to hear how your last cycle ended. I think you are amazing to be thinking about your next cycle and to be here helping others, you are so strong and so kind. Wishing you well with your FET, I hope everything works out for you x x x
Hi MommaBear16 , welcome back! Wow, that resonated with me hugely. I completely understand your point about not wanting to forget as it makes it seem like it didn't happen. I get you. I still feel the same after my loss in April. I think of it every single day, as soon as I wake up. It's not quite as raw, but it is still there and I carry it about with me and know I will forever. The other part of your post about your job and hearing of child abuse cases, I also get you. I work in education and a great deal of my job is dealing with child protection and social work issues. I also go into self preservation mode... trying not to think about the unfairness of it all. Constantly thinking to myself 'my time will come' or 'life has a plan and it will all become clear in the future why we had to wait so long'.
Sorry I don't have any advice about short protocols. I'm starting the long protocol a week on Thursday. Although I don't have any advice or words of wisdom, I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and willing you on. You can do this. Without question, you can do this. Xx
Thank you so much Lou for your reply. It sounds like we are very similar. Self preservation mode sounds all too familiar, it's either that or we'll end up in floods of tears all the time! So we can't win. It's so good to be back here where we're surrounded by people who understand what we're feeling. I honestly feel better for putting my misery out there for all to see. I'm hoping that I can start to move forward over these next few weeks before we start again in October. Thank you again for your kind words, they mean more than you know x x x
Hi me! Thank you, it's good to be back! I hope you are right, I am feeling much more positive this evening. This thing could actually work this time! I hope you are well my friend x x x
I am well dear friend 🥂They need to get rid of endo and fibroid in me before my next cycle (I have had my injections in the room and fridge since March and just positively waiting really). All the best hun xxx
Thank you Emma! Your comment made me LOL! haha you are right though, that's definitely one positive!! I've just seen your last post - congratulations I hope you are keeping well, not long to go now! x x x
Hi MommaBear16, I don't think we have met on here before but I wanted to welcome you back. I recognise what you are saying about your loss and hadn't even realised until I read your words that I'm carrying that pain too and am also comfortable with that - it's a strange thing to realise. I can't begin to compare with your journey but I too have hope that if I can get pregnant, even if it didn't work out, I can do it again. I had a short cycle and it was so much easier than I imagine long cycle to be. I'm down regging for a FET at the moment and that takes longer than a short cycle! So in my very humble opinion, I don't understand why they make people do long when they can do short and get good results. Wishing you a positivity and a successful outcome xxxxx
Hi Ava - thank you so much for your message and kind words. I am sorry to read about your loss. I really admire your courage in starting again. I hope everything goes well with your FET and it brings you a healthy and happy pregnancy. From reading the comments here tonight I am baffled as to why short protocol isn't a more common option. I told my husband that we would be doing it the last round but they stuck to the same plan again. I should probably ask why at our next appointment. Anyhoo... I hope the down regging is going as well as it can and I look forward to reading about your progress. Good luck and take care x x x
Hi momma bear great to hear from you. Still on from time to time although we re no longer going through the process. Got our panel date for adoption in January ☺ I am sure being back on this site will help you hun take care and good luck xxx
Hi Katya, thank you so much! Oh wow that seems to have gone quickly, how are you feeling about everything? It has helped me hugely, I feel like I can go to bed feeling a little more settled this evening. Please keep us updated, I can't wait to hear all about your new family in the new year x x x
It's going really well so far but still not quite finished our assessment. Our social worker is lovely and seems chances of getting a baby look good. If we get approved in January we then have to wait to get linked then another panel to be formally matched. We ve been told we could be linked before approval. Really glad you're already starting to feel better xx
It's such a lengthy process which is understandable but must take it toll. It's amazing that you could potentially get a baby or a younger child, I can't wait to hear your next update. Good luck with your assessment x x x
I know we ve even been told we could get a newborn straight from the hospital. Prob unlikely I think tho. 2bh it's been fine so far it feels so much more hopefull than ivf. Will keep you all updated - and you too cx
Welcome back MommaBear...... your heartfelt message has really touched many of us I'm sure, and I for one wish you all the best this time. Please keep in touch. Your inner strength is for everyone and I mean everyone to admire. Your determination is like no other.
Sanj!! How are you? My husband was asking about you after I told him I was back on here! Hoping all is well? You are too kind as it everyone on here, I feel a little more at peace this evening and I head up to bed. I'm happy to be back with my friends x x x
Welcome back MommaBear! We all need time away to nurse those emotional wounds, but each time everyone welcomes each other back with open arms.
Short protocol is best for low amh and I think will suit your body far better as its doesn't close down your ovaries completely like long protocol. Here's hoping it's your turn and lovely to see you back xx
Thank you baby - I'm honestly so excited to get going now, I feel like short protocol could be the answer! Why wouldn't they do this before?! I hope you are doing well on your journey - your posts sound so positive! x x x
Oh mommabear I'm so glad to see you back on her, I have thought about you often and I'm glad your doctor is changing your protocol. Wishing you all the best in the future xxxxx
Hello lovely lady, it's so good to hear that you are back and ready to go again. I'm sorry that you feel like a miserable cow, but be assured you are not. I'm so pleased that your consultant has a plan for you and one that sounds very promising. Just make sure that you take some time out in your busy September to relax and take it easy and make sure you are as de-stressed as possible for your October start. We always said that 2017 would be our year, I still have faith it will be! Lots of love and wishing you the most massive amounts of luck for this cycle. We'll be thinking of you. Xxx
Hello my friend!!! Thank you so much - how are you and your little lady getting on?! It's so nice to hear from you, I hope you are managing to rest and getting some lovely snuggles in. They say your time off flies by so enjoy every second with her, I'm sure you will! I feel so much brighter today I can't tell you. I'm almost convinced we're going to get a good number of eggs, all good quality of course and maybe (dare I say it?) a frostie or two?! It's our last shot with my own eggs so I might as well go in to it with my heart and head on board It's so lovely to hear from you thank you for your message x x x
Hi MommaBear! Welcome back! Was only thinking of you the other week. It's good to have you back 😊
Just wanted to wish you all the very best of luck for your next cycle - I'm sure the change in protocols will be a good thing (although I have only been on the long). As you said, you know your body can do this & that's definitely a piece a positivity to carry with you going into this. Take care and will be looking forward to your updates in the future xxxxxxx
Oh Pumpkin!! Congratulations!! I've missed so much but I can't tell you how happy I am to read soooo many good news stories from some of the old gang! I hope you are keeping well, such lovely news x x x
Hey, I think I joined while you were away but welcome back! I can so relate to your post, I miscarried last year to and I'm the same about living with the pain - to us they will always be our precious babies.
Glad to read though that your feeling stronger and ready to start again, I've only ever don't long protocol so don't have any advice for short but wanted to wish you lots of luck xx
Thank you so much for your message, I'm sorry to read of your miscarriage. Thank you for your kind words, I hope the coming months bring us both some good luck and happier days x x x
So good to have you back mommabear!! As you know I've been away too since we were last cycle buddy's in February. Fingers crossed for us this time and let's hope we're cycle buddy's again this time!! Great to have you back xxx
Hello my lovely cycle buddy friend and welcome back too! Yes let's hope this is our time, BFPs all round please! It's so good to be back here, I wish I hadn't stayed away so long but I feel like I needed the break x x x
Yes this time has to be BFP's!!! Me to hunni, it's so nice having the support of everyone but I too needed the break!! Glad we're both back!! Positive vibes this time for us xxxx
Wishing you all the very best and magic. And sending you a massive hug. X
As you can tell from the mass response, you really have been missed!! Welcome back 💐 Wishing you all the best for the road ahead...not too long to go now xx
Oh my goodness I have missed so much! Congratulations! WOW!! So many good news stories, this is so good for my soul I can't tell you! Hope you are keeping well, this is actually amazing x x x
Hi MommaBear16. It never ceases to amaze me how strong woman can really be. I'm fairly new to this site but feel comforted by the fact we can all relate to each other in some way and support one another through this very difficult journey.
I just wanted to say firstly how sorry i am for your loss. Having your hopes and dreams broken like that must be utterly devastating.
I also want to wish you well in your current journey. There is no reason why this couldn't be your time. You deserve happiness. We all do.
Keeping everything crossed for you also. Had a giggle at not crossing the legs bit!!
Hi Emma thank you so much, this site is so amazing, I have missed it so much and didn't realise. There have been so many good news stories while I've been away, it's given me a new lease of life catching up with everyone! Thank you for your kind words and wishing you lots of luck too x x x
Welcome back!!!! Wishing you lots of luck in the next cycle. I did short protocol and it was ok, I guess nothing to compare it to! Keeping everything crossed for you xxxx
Welcome back, it's lovely to hear from you again. It's only natural to feel down, time is a healer (of sorts)! I completely empathise when people ask you how you are - I tell everyone I'm fine - partly because I've never wanted this thing to be about me so I just put a smile on my face & cry my tears when I'm alone.
The first cycle we did ended up being a short protocol by accident!! (AF arrived earlier than she should have so just went straight onto stims - we collected 3 eggs, 2 of them implanted back but BFN). 2nd cycle was long protocol, only managed to collect 1 egg which didn't fertilise. The cycle is only just now ending this week with AF here in full flow!
I think that we are going to ask to do the short protocol again for our 3rd cycle, we seemed to have a better result & given that we have been taking extra supplements etc since the first cycle hopefully egg quality & sperm quality should be better.
Hi Lorraine thanks so much for your message and for sharing your update. I'm sorry that your second cycle didn't work out, I have everything crossed for your next cycle. 3rd times a charm remember? Lots of love x x x
Really lovely to see you back mommabear, even if you do feel like you are having a rant....its good to let it out! Ive missed your posts! It is a relentless journey this damn treatment is however we keep putting ourselves through it to try to get our much wanted family! Hoping you get better results from the short protocol. Wishing you all the best and again, nice to see you back!xx
Thank you so much Cinderella! I am honestly in a totally different headspace today, I cannot wait to get started again! I hope you are keeping well, I'm looking forward to catching up on everyone's posts properly at some point x x x
I'm so glad to see you back, I fully understand everything you're saying but remember that in order to embrace the new future at some point you need to let go of the past. I wish you all the very best and will be thinking of you ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you Nesfin, I know you are right, I'm getting there it's just a slow process. This place is helping hugely. I hope you are still doing well, your last post is lovely, any updates? x x x
Letting go of the old emotional patterns is very difficult, we all use them to protect ourselves. But I hope you get maximum strength and positivity back in your life, and lots of support from here xxx I've developed preeclampsia and have been hospitalised, it's been intense and emotional, but we're still in one piece with only a few weeks to go. It's still unreal and I could write a book (or two) about all the conflicting emotions and encounters I've had.. but all I can say that all what we have and are going through is great preparation for being solid, strong and prepared for the future xoxo and ps. I found the short protocol a bit harder on my body but much easier to handle emotionally. Big big hugs!
I haven't been on here much myself since our failed cycle back in May, but checked in today to reply to Vic77 and saw this and just wanted to say hi and welcome back. We did the short protocol last time, I don't have long protocol to compare it to, but must say I was pleased not to have to go through the down regging process. We're trying the mixed protocol next which I hadn't even heard of before so will be researching that myself soon.
Wishing you all the very best of luck, and strength for the next round, really hoping this will be your time. Take care of yourself. x
Fatooli! I love your comments, they're always so lovely and positive, they make me smile!! I'm so happy to see you doing so well, long may it continue! x x x
Hello again! Good to see you back lovely, it really is so hard, I've felt this 3rd failure has made me feel completely nuts, as though I could morn the miscarriage, but the failure was just a f****** kick in the teeth! Anyway I'm sorry you are feeling so sad at the moment 💜💜 I've always been on the shirt protocol and apart from the bloating I didn't find the side effects too bad, I used to feel a little high at for the first few days, but that wasn't bad!!!! It really flies by, which I'm sure will be a nice change for you! Wishing you luck lovely, any questions regarding the short protocol just shout! Cxxxxx
Aw Alee thank you so much! I'm sorry to read about your 3rd failure, that's just so unfair. Feeling completely nuts sounds perfectly understandable. I hope you have a plan for moving forward. Sending lots of love x x x
Completely understand why you took the break but so pleased you came back as you were a guiding light when I joined this forum at the start of the year and I have really missed seeing your posts and replies these past months.
I recently undertook a short protocol and the lack of down reg before stimming made the whole process much easier and less stressful.
I truly hope you are lifted by the support for you here and I wish you all the luck in the world for your next cycle - you WILL get your miracle one day 🍀🤞🍀💕
Oh my goodness! Another BFP?! Wowza!! Congratulations, wishing you well for the next 9 months! And thank you for your kind words, I have missed this place x x x
Welcome back MommaBear. Wishing you all the best for your next cycle. I have done two IVF cycles, both short protocol and I'm nearly at the end of my 2WW of the second cycle. I thought it was Game over but who knows until I dare take a pregnancy test on Saturday! Will be thinking of you xxx
welcome back! It's nice to see an old familiar face 🙂 I strongly feel that whatever our worst experience - irrespective of comparing it to others, is our worst experience. Don't try and dumb it down. I know I'm incredibly lucky to have an almost 6 month old (!!!) from our second cycle but I still grieve from our failed first - a live embryo was transferred into me and it died, it felt like a miscarriage and it was the worst experience of my life. I don't think I'll ever forget it, but just learn to accept it and realise it led me to where I am today. I really hope (and have everything crossed, legs included!) that you get your dream and the only advice I can give, is hang in there, it's worth it! Good things do happen to good people, and you're one of them. wishing you all the luck in the world. Xxx
Hey
Missed you!!!!!!
Sending you the biggest hug ever, you are loved and will get through all of this.
The number of replies you have here is such a testament to what amazing support you provide to others when they need it. May I also say that I'm very glad to see you back and have wondered how you've been getting on.
I don't have much advice to give I'm afraid as despite being referred May last year, due to OHSS and resulting complications we've only just had our first embryo transferred. I've only done short protocol but can echo what others have said that I also understand it's much easier on your body. I found it all coming out of my system much harder than putting it in!
I can't understand what you've been through as I haven't been through it myself but am very aware that it may be in my future, and completely understand your need for a break from the forums. They're uplifting and supportive when you're in the right mind frame but sometimes you just need a break. So please don't apologise for any negativity - you've brought a lot of sunshine to many people and it's only fair that some of that be returned when you need it
I wish all good things for you and your husband as you seem like such a loving, caring person and you have no idea how strong you are, I just wish that wasn't being tested. Look after yourself. I highly recommend yoga and massages for some self-care xXx
so lovely to see you back! You always felt like the pillar of this lovely little community and when I went away for a while and came back there was a you shaped hole here.
I'm totally understand why you've needed to step back from it all though hun because I did the same or I felt I'd go mad.
I'm so sorry to hear that you find yourself in such a cruel place.
Your honest words hit deep with so many and I pray that the magic of belief fills you again because I believe in your happy ending.
Massive hugs, strength and hope to you my lovely. Xxx
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it still hasn't sunk in! 
Hello everybody!
Hello world... you there?
Hello!
Hello
Cycle 15 is officially out 😔 Hello Cycle 16 please be kind to my fragile emotions. 🙏
