Hubby is asleep and I don't want to take him as he's not feeling to great and is up at 4:30 for work but I just can't stop the tears from falling.
I know I probably sound selfish but I'm nervous about tomorrow's scan as I really want my fresh cycle to go ahead. I know I have no control over tomorrow and if it can't go ahead I can't change it either but trying to tell my brain to stop worrying is a whole other story.
On top of that one of my best friends is leaving for Dubai tomorrow, she's going to work out there for 2 years. She's been there for me through some real tough times this year, when I've been in floods of tears or even told her not to bother with me she's turned up on my door step. I'm worried how il cope not having her so close 😢
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E_05
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Sending you a huge hug.
It won't be easy, but with my family and friends far away, I've often felt like this, too. However Messenger and Face Time and all those things are amazing...hopefully you'll find a time when it works for both of you to catch up. I quite like waking up to a message and look forward to Sunday morning/afternoon (depends who!) chats!
Stay strong...you're stronger than you think...Winnie the Pooh is always right!
Thank you so much, that's true hopefully we can try and get a little routine of when to catch up properly as I'm sure we'll both have lots of gossip lol xx
It gets easier, too. I cried every time I put the phone down/ended face time for a while but it does take time. Hope the tears last night helped, it's ok to cry. Big hugs 💙
Sending lots of hugs. Try to keep positive you will get that fresh cycle and you will get your baby, close your eyes and walk yourself through how well it is going to go tomorrow stay strong xxx
Awwwww hun I just want to squeeeeeeze you. Your not being selfish at all. Your worry is natural and in this tough journey worry is one of the main emotions. Hun just cry it out tears help sometimes I know I cry loads I'm just that way always, have been. Were all here for you. I know that's not the same as your friend and you'll be kinds grieving her leaving too. You'll be able to Skype and talk more than you think.
I'm here anytime for you hun. I wish you all the best for you tomorrow and I'm sending you virtual squeeeezzze 🤗🤗😘😘💗💗💗
Thank you so much for your lovely reply, I did end up having a good cry last night. Reading everyone's messages helped so much, somehow it just makes you feel less alone xx
Your welcome that's what were here for. I agree it does make us feel less alone its a comfort to know that others get it. I hope your OK now and if you ever want to chat I'm here 😘🤗💗
Thinking of you and sending big hugs.
Try and stay positive I know that's easier said than done. Here if you want to talk at anytime xx
I wish I could give you a hug, your emotions must be all over the place, I hope tomorrow brings you good news, your friend will be wishing so much for you. Let's hope you can keep her updated with good news xx wishing you the very best of luck xx
Thank you, still not any further forward with scan news but I guess I should be use to this part of the journey. I said that to her today hopefully next time I see her il be pregnant or even holding a baby 🤞xx
Lovely E_05 . So sorry to hear your pain and worry. Your post brought a lump to my throat because it so so relatable. Silent tears at night when everything is still and dark can be overwhelming but ride it out and allow yourself to cry. I also tried to stifle my cry in bed last night at about 3am while I went over and over the events of the day. Eventually I was so exhausted I turned over and cuddled into my husband and tried to reassure myself that regardless of whatever lies ahead we have each other. It doesn't take the pain away but I did eventually fall asleep.
I'm really sorry to hear about your good friend moving away. Again, I feel you. Both of my best friends moved to Australia a few years ago and I felt like I'd lost a limb. One has since moved back and it's like no time has passed. It doesn't make it any easier for you but I promise you will adapt and find ways to keep in touch and she will continue to support you from afar. I just hope that by the time she comes back, you will have your happy ending and be able to share that with her. Keep that image in your mind as you battle the feelings of hopelessness.
You are absolutely NOT selfish to wish for your fresh cycle! I will be thinking about you tomorrow and hoping everything goes smoothly. You are strong and you are doing everything you possibly can - hang in there and try your best to get some rest. Tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities. Xx
Thank you so much lovely, I had a good cry and cuddle in the end last night and did get some broken sleep. Your right hopefully by the time she's back I'm pregnant or holding my healthy baby, like you said it does feel like losing a limb knowing she won't just be able to pop round xx
Awww I'm so sad for you sitting feeling alone and in tears! I know its not quite the same but you have us when youre DH is sleeping. I expect the anxiety for tomorrow along with your friend moving away is a lot to handle....not to mention all the drugs that you're on! You will be closer than you think, skype and the internet helps not to feel so far away from people that live far away! Sending you a massive cuddle. Let us know how you get on tomorrow, best of luck!xx
I'm overwhelmed by all the lovely messages, this is exactly why I couldn't be without this forum you..all helped fill an empty space last night. I did tell my friend it was a little inconsiderate leaving when I'm such a hormonal mess 🙈 lol xx
Ha ha ha Im sure she'll miss you too and will possibly find it harder going somewhere that she doesnt know anybody!! Hope you're feeling a wee bit better today!xx
Your so right, I've just said goodbye to her and she did say I am making a mistake going where I know no one. I had to hold back the tears and tell her of course she wasn't it would be the best adventure of her life xx
Oh my lovely, so sorry to hear this, though your anxiety is totally understandable. Not selfish at all! Sending you lots of love and luck for tomorrow and a big big hug xxx
Oh bless you ❤️ sending lots of hugs and love your way ❤️💕 I know we all probably live miles apart but we're all here supporting you.
I'm based in lincoln if you're by any chance anywhere near here? I'd be love to meet with anyone who wants to for a coffee (decaf 😂) and to share experiences? Xxx
Thank you, sadly I'm no where near but that would of been lovely if I was. Think that's the amazing thing though no matter how far apart we live, last night I felt so alone until I posted on here xx
No worries I thought it would have been a long shot 😂 but I don't know anyone or have any other friends (other than in these groups) that's been through it so it would be.l nice to perhaps meet up with people near us, we should start to buddy up haha. I find this group brilliant though, and now I'm my 2ww I've been using it more than ever. xxxx
I know definitely would of been good if we were closer though! Me to, it's such a great support especially in those very lonely moments. How are you getting on in your 2ww? Xx
Okay I think? I've literally had nothing major going on at all symptom wise so I do t know if that's good or bad?? I've got a few symptoms but I think most of those are from the pessaries so I haven't really concentrated on them. Test day feels ages away as always. I'm due on my period on Friday so just praying that doesn't arrive first and foremost then we'll see I guess...? I'm nervous but trying not to be!
Some people don't get any symptoms and some do so try not to worry or focus on that bit to much. I got no symptoms first cycle and a BFP and a lot of symptoms last cycle and a BFN - like you say the pessaries have a lot to answer to. Are you working or did you take the time off?
The fluid is still there but the follicles are growing nicely, there going to rescan me Friday then they'll scan again after EC to decide what they want to do. Bit bruised from trying to get my blood though - that didn't go to well xx
Haha I use this more than Facebook now which I think is a good thing. That's good though, I've worked through all 3 my 2ww.
Nope but I'm now hoping for Monday, fingers crossed they give me a date tomorrow morning cause I had some biggish follicles yesterday so they should nearly be ready xx
You are in my thoughts and prayers. All the best for tomorrow. Sorry to hear about your best friend moving away for 2 years. Will be hard for you. At least you can maintain contact through skype,emails etc although I know it is no substitute for not being there person to person. Try and rest tonight. You have a big day ahead of you and you nees rest. Take care and trusting all goes well for you.xo
Awwww dear not to worry take a chill breathe and stop thinking about this just kept one thing in mind i.e. All is Well Sending lots of hugs ...... Everything will be fine , be positive .
Aww big hugs you have alot going on at the moment. My sister, niece and nephew live in another country and I know how hard it is but FaceTime is fantastic and they don't feel so far away then xxx
Thank you, that's true I think once she's there and settled a little it'll be easier she's just been such a rock through this cycle so far it's going to be strange xx
Ah Hun. I'm sorry. The nights are so long aren't they? You poor thing feeling on your own. Know that we are here for you and you can always contact us. Fingers crossed for your scan today. xxx
They definitely are and I'm sure like others partners my hubby doesn't seem to have any trouble in sleeping through them! Thank you, I felt so comforted by all the messages xx
Tell your friend to install a VPN on her phone/tablet/laptop before she goes if she hasn't already- Skype works better through a VPN as the UAE are currently being silly about it. I use Astrill but there are lots out there. I'm in Dubai and probably talk to my nearest and dearest in the UK more now than I did when I lived there, I also get loads of visitors between October and February so make sure your friend gets a decent sofa bed and books you in for a cheap holiday! Xx
Thanks for the great advice have passed that onto her. I know it's like bitter sweet cause I said to her as much I wana come and visit like asap I don't want to cause I hope il be pregnant xx
There are some great spa pamper packages for pregnant ladies out here, plus with it being a Muslim culture there are loads of delicious mocktails too and there's also world class healthcare- pregnant or not you'll have a lovely time when you do visit her. Good luck for your cycle, I'm wishing you all the luck in the world. xxx
Bit late to reply but sorry you were feeling so sad and alone in the dark. I'm sure everyone knows how you felt - we've all done the same with the tears so as not to let OH know we're in bits. Hope you feel brighter this morning lovely. Hugs & love to you xx
Wow thank you all for the lovely messages, I am going to reply to them but thought I'd just update that my scan went well follicles are continuing to grow but fluid is still there. Taken more blood, popped my vein 😓 and another scan on Friday, they'll probably scan after EC and then make the decision for fresh transfer or to freeze embryos. I know we're meant to be use to this waiting game but it doesn't make it any easier xx
I'm so sorry you were feeling so low last night. It is a horrible and tough journey - the waiting game sucks. And it doesn't sound selfish - I remember feeling the same way and during my last round and so worried before the scans. If only telling our brains not to worry worked! Thinking of you xx
Thank you, I just feel like if I cant go ahead with my fresh transfer as may as well used the embryo I had frozen and not put myself through all this. How are you doing, did you get in touch with the EPU? Xx
I did thanks - have updated the post. In short all is fine for now but they weren't really sure the reason for the bleeding so I am still v worried. They told my not to worry but like you I don't have that magic switch in the brain to turn it off. X
Sorry I just read your update - please don't think you've jinxed anything you most definitely haven't, hope you can get some rest these next few days. Would make life a lot easier if we did have them switches that's for sure x
Feeling quite bruised today, took them 3 attempts and a popped vein to get blood out my hands. Follicles are growing well but fluid is still there, there saying now they'll probably do EC and then scan me to decide whether I can have a fresh transfer or embryos to be frozen. I know in some ways I'm thinking to far ahead as there not even a guarantee il get good enough quality embryos for any transfer but I still just feel disappointed by this fluid, got another scan Friday xx
Maybe i’ll sound a bit selfish as well, but you know what? every time you feel this way, just wake him up and cry louder. he is always there for you. I'm sure he would love to have a sleepless night even before work, knowing it would support you and help you out at least a little bit. it means that your closest people are there for you. always. especially, if you ar e going through that hard times, building a family. my hubby would be very upset, finding out he's not the person id talk to when feeling down.
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Sending lots of hugs ...... Everything will be fine , be positive .
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