Fertility Network UK

Life after giving up on IVF

So it's been a week or ten days or so since I took myself out of the IVF process after a failed down reg and a cyst had formed during the process and I was so down and depressed and ballooned to a size 14 with the bloating etc feeling horrible inside and out...

Since I've found that the cyst has now gone down and all seems fine.

So I haven't had it as bad as some and good on you for keeping going

Honest thoughts:

I'll be honest the pressure of IVF the emotion the down reg drugs the snowball effect of even finding myself here needing IVF etc etc all became too much and I stopped I stopped for my own sanity and me and my hubbys happiness in the here and now!

I have not once woken up and regretted stopping and I'm at peace with my choice and its consequences, I read something about Christine Bleakley ruling out IVF and it really made sense to me and I felt thank god I'm not the only one feeling this way!

Link: google.co.uk/amp/www.ok.co....

Words of advice:

I have also found out that all those people who tell you don't google IVF don't google your options or your treatment are WRONG google the shit out of it, look at research papers and swot up know what to expect and try to mentally be ready for it, tell your partner how you they can support you and also research ALL the treatment options oF IVF if you want different treatment or communication push for it!!

I've now found I could have had a short protocol or even a natural cycle and avoided some of the drugs... so do your homework!

Im going to chat to the standard counsellor at the clinic with my hubby and just talk out our experience and we have an open door on the other IVF options still with out clinic for 12 months... if we want it.

I know many of you are dedicated to IVF and are trying hard etc and I applaud you it's rough going! And you don't realise how rough until your in it.

Ive stopped it, it doesn't mean I'm not grateful of the funding or don't want a family any more or less... I'm not a horrible person for not wanting to put me and my hubby through IVF.

I don't regret stopping and I'm so happy... in these days since I've got my control back of my life, I'm looking months into the future and planning things again, bloating has gone, I've got my mental state stable, I wake up happy I'm smashing my exercise again running in a race next week and me and my hubby are laughing again and having lots of "fun"!! And to me that's more important...

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I just want to say well done you. You speak from the heart and I can totally understand how you feel. I wish you all the best for the future and live life to the full and be happy, you really deserve it :) xxxx

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What a lovely post. I am in the two week wait of our first cycle and although I'm not ready to give up yet I also know I won't be doing this for years. Luckily I had a short protocol so very few side effects but the mental side is another story. Our lives have just become so serious and revolve around one thing. We have already discussed other options like adoption and at the end of the day we want to be a family, however we have to get there.

I think you're just as brave by saying enough is enough and a difficult decision to make. Well done and I wish you all the happiness in the world xx

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So positive. Well done 😊 xx

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I think your very brave making this decision, you can sense the positivity in your post. Wishing you and your husband lots of luck for the future xx

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I'm so much happier we always said IVF was a step too far for us and so I never should have got caught up in the snowball! Plus they never told us about short protocol maybe had they then it would have been different but I'm so so happy now compared to a few weeks back so I just know this is right for us xx

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I'm glad you've been able to figure out what's right for you and your body, It can be a tough thing to do when your caught up in treatment. You deserve lots of happiness xx

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I really felt the pressure lift as soon as we stopped ivf. I've been so happy since then xx

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Good on you for knowing when enough is enough! I had similar thoughts before and during the 1st round as to whether ivf was a step too far for me. Before ivf I loved my life and didn't feel the over burning pain to achieve a child at the sacrifice of my life and my relationships...but at the same time I knew I'd regret it forever if I didn't give it at least one shot. As it was, I found the treatment ok...certainly not as bad as I thought and once I had my bfn my overriding thought was this b*tch ain't gonna beat me...I was surprised at my reaction!! Anyway getting back on the horse luckily worked for me 2nd time and I'm very very happy ...but if for some reason I don't make it to the end, I'm not sure I'm going to dedicate every waking breath to it for years to come. Our situation is different to yours though as it's my oh who is desperate for a child...I can see life continuing either way as it was so good for years beforehand (and we were ttc for 5yrs but didn't let the weeds grow whilst waiting for our shot!). I have to factor in his desire too...so if this go doesn't come up trumps I'm sure I have a couple more goes up my sleeve!

Well done you on grabbing your life back! That's brave in itself! xxx

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Yes I understand where you're coming from my OH is actually happier for us to not do IVF - he feels too old to start a family now.

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Thanks for the comments I'm not 100% sure what you're saying sorry.

The article regarding Christine is sensationalised but the point that resonated with me was her being sure IVF was not on the agenda (for whatever her reasons are) and that everyone else is obsessed with her body clock and I was like YES YES YES that's ringing true to me.

I personally very quickly felt the isolation and strain on my relationship too despite my hubbys very best efforts the drugs put me in just a lonely dark place. Essentially I was doing something I had ruled out and yet just went for it anyway for a range of reasons and ok I found out the hard way it wasn't for me but I refuse to feel that pressure to do IVF or keep at it when everything in me says it's not for me.

This group and the lovely ladies who share on here with the wide range of their experiences have been the best support and are the just the very best bunch and I hope everyone gets what they strive in life I honestly do x

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What a great post, I really appreciate you sharing this.

Feeling out of control during the ivf process is definitely something I felt. It was almost like I lost my identity, having to give up so many things I enjoyed doing, just in case they had a negative effect on my small chance of conceiving. I was a pin cushion, I felt isolated from my friends and felt I only wanted to confide in a few close to me for fear of being pitied and constantly having to explain what was happening.

Once I was through the other side, even though it was unsuccessful, the relief at no longer interfering with my body with the endless cocktail of drugs and finally remembering the person I was was immense.

I questioned whether I was strong enough or willing enough to do it again. Your thoughts, decision and positive outlook on life after ivf is really refreshing and hopeful, thank you x

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I think there is a stigma/judgements around a few issues one being around not having a child either by choice or infertility people make up thier own judgements on you and then again at this stage for being told IVF is the treatment you need but not wanting it or wanting to put you and your partner through it, or trying it and not wanting to keep doing it or - it feels like if you don't want to do IVF once twice or more then you can't "really" want a child then.

As many of us know all those stigmas and judgements are bollocks and anyone who finds themselves here has already been through the mill and though enough whether they do go for IVF at all or multiple times that's personal.

For me now I'm happier not doing it my hubby is happier not doing it and that's all that matters.

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Cracking post and you are so right in lots of ways. I have committed myself to a donor egg cycle after 4 failed cycles on my own. I have said after this it's the end of the road.

It's so strange that BIG has actually depressed me and I'm now at a stage where it's not the end of the world if it does not work and I'm actually looking forward to the day I stop googling and coming on this forum!! No offence obviously 😂😂

There is life after IVF and there is life without children, thank you for reminding xx

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Lovely words thank you xx

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It's really important to do what's right for you and not to do things because of what others may think.

For us I knew I couldn't go through own egg ivf again because of the emotional impacts and the odds being so low. I didn't find the drugs too bad but they didn't work, perhaps that's why.

It took a little while to get my head around donor egg ivf and we're on that path now but the only reason is because I really really want a child, we both do. If not I wouldn't be able to go through with it - the massive impact on just living.

Hopefully ours will work but if not then there will come a point where we'll have to decide not to try again. I'm not ready for that yet. Perhaps we'll be ready for that decision by then. There are so many positives about not pursue IVF in terms of getting your life back that I can see what a relief it would be to stop.

It's such a difficult process emotionally. I'm surprised that we're trying again for a FET so soon after our fresh cycle donor egg bfn. I think perhaps in a way it gets a little easier going into it because you know what to expect but if it doesn't work this time I think the crash will be harder. We'll see. At least the drugs are not as harsh, I think.

For me I think we need to do all we can do (to a point) so that we can be sure we won't look back with any regrets - that's what's right for us and we are all different. It's a brave decision to make to stop but it goes back to doing what's right for you and not worrying about what other people think.

Wishing you all the very best for a happy future. Xxx

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I have just read this and it made me cry - I can relate to this post in so many ways, and yet I still feel guilty for the thoughts of 'giving up' I can't let go yet as I have 5 embryos in storage but there are so many complications I am having to deal with along the way. I have had 2 failed transfers and ultimately I need a hysterectomy but I am putting it off due to my 5 Frosties and being frightened to let them go....I should feel lucky and grateful that I have them and I know others don't get that far, but my health is suffering and I keep having procedures to try and prolong the chances and to give my Frosties a chance. If I could take myself out of this IVF journey I would. I feel I am no longer myself. I have lost my sparkle and I just want that back.....

Seeing this post hits home just how hard this journey is and we all fight for the same thing in the end but forget and lose ourselves from what else life is about.

It also makes me smile to see that you have been able to find strength to take yourself out of the process. You are an inspiration and I wish you so much happiness with your husband xxx

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Oh dear sorry it made you cry... I had a very short experience of IVF and that was enough for me I saw myself vanishing... I'm very much a realist I never expected IVF to work what with the low success rates it has and I know where I am in the here and now I don't tend to imagine life with a baby as I think it's only going to be harder to deal with and everyone's reality is different some people life is all about children and I can see why people do everything they can.

But when I saw I gave myself a cyst (that's the point that stuck with me I did this to myself I damaged my otherwise ok health) by doing that fast and hard menopause and my system had battled against it I was like NO I'm no doing this.

My mum actually said to me she was disappointed we were stopping which I thought was an opinion that should not have been shared with me.

Honestly I have slept like a log every night since I stopped I feel so much better and I will make the best of whatever the future has in store for us xx

Just do what's right for you and don't get snowballed xx

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Oh don't worry it wasn't sad tears it was a relief to see that you obviously felt the same as I do now and so it's normal. I shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to give up this journey. You have been so strong to make that decision and it's an inspiration to me.

I used to always imagine myself with a baby and to be a mother but I guess the reality of it is now that I am accepting of the fact I probably won't be. I have the most wonderful husband, with our super cute pooch, and for that I am grateful.

Sorry to hear your mum said that, it's not exactly what you need to hear when it is your body and your future that matters more than anything.

Thank you for your reply, I absolutely wish you so much happiness for your future and reading your post was lovely 🎀 xxx

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Hi rach I thought Christine's views on ivf were so refreshing and it is okay to say no to ivf it isn't always the right answer. You sound like your in a positive place right now and it's good to hear that you are beginning to get your life back on track, wishing you health and happiness for the future xxx

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