So I thought I was doing quite well until

I've just run out of a restaurant from a group meal because a girl just brought in her screaming 12 week old baby who wouldn't stop crying. Feel really frustrated with myself because I checked in advance whether she'd be going after the synchronised swimming show I was at so I could make an excuse in advance. She must have changed her mind. I just couldn't take the crying. It was like a stabbing sensation in my heart and I couldn't breathe. It doesn't help that I'm still bleeding so effectively still losing our embabies. I thought I was doing really well...turns out I was wrong. Thanks for listening. x

50 Replies

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  • Big hugs 🤗 xx

  • Sending hugs to you, don't be hard on yourself for leaving you have to look after youself. Your still grieving and that must of been unbearable xx

  • Sending you a big hug xx

  • Sending you lots of hugs Hun, I'm not surprised you had to get out of there x x x

  • Sending love & hugs. Be kind to yourself. It sucks and it's ok not to be strong all the time xx

  • ahhhh you poor love - sometimes the pain of infertility is actually physical.

    look after yourself - maybe do something nice tomorrow?

    sending big hugs x

  • Thank you everyone. At home now watching some TV wrapped in a blanket. xxx

  • Sorry to hear this. You're not always prepared for when it will hit you xx

  • Thank you. x

  • Just seen this post, bless you!! That feeling is so raw it's takes your breath away for a few seconds and you then just want to scream and scream.

    Slowly it does get easier, and those feelings then are hidden till you get home and let them out.

    Sending you a big hug, and one from my dogs too 😊 Xx

  • Thank you. x

  • Got my cat next to me now too. x

  • Cats are the best. I have 3!! And all of them are really sensitive and know when I need special cuddles 😻

  • That is true. Polly is so affectionate. Daphne on the other hand is less so but she is a bit special needs. I think she's on the autistic spectrum. We love her nonetheless. xxx

  • Sending big hugs lovely - take care of yourself xxxxxxxxx

  • Thank you. x

  • I'm so sorry this happened to you today. Well done for walking away and looking after yourself. Take care xxx

  • Thank you. I think it was more running away but still. I'm grateful for your support. xxx

  • Take good care of yourself xxx

  • Bless you lovely xx

  • Thanks. x

  • I'm so sorry to read this. I did exactly the same thing whilst still on holiday yesterday. Just burst out crying in the middle of the bar then couldn't stop. The grief just consumes you. It's been 4 wks since my medically induced miscarriage and the pain is still very raw. I really hope things get easier in time for you and wounds start to heal xx

  • I'm so sorry for your experience too. It is really awful. It's so aggressive as an emotion. Sending you a big hug too. xxx

  • Awwe Vic. You really just don't know when your emotions are going to crop up & what they'll do! I think that a 12 week old baby screaming was quite a fair reason for them to come out! Some situations are super difficult & people who aren't going/haven't gone through it just can't understand it fully.

    My manager took me aside to tell me another member of staff was pregnant, I had a little cry, but was generally cool.

    She went for her first scan that night & they're having identical twins. Now I feel like it's gunna be a super hard few months ahead!

    We can get through this together xx

  • Thanks Hun. I guess it's not yet been a week so it is still quite raw. Gosh poor you! That's so unfair. I hate being pulled to one side at work for that. It's like a pity party. We will get through but it's a tough old journey. xxx

  • Ah you poor love.. Sending loads of love and big hugs xxx

  • Thank you. x

  • I hope you are ok😘 it's ok to be sad it's hard and your grieving xx don't feel bad you are strong! You are amazing! Xx

  • Thanks Hun. I guess I just need to recognise that I need a bit more time. xxx

  • Thinking of you.

    You are doing so well. Those situations are hard to deal with especially when everything is so raw.

    Give yourself the time you need to heal and take good care xx

  • Thank you. I will. I think I would have coped if she hadn't be crying incessantly but the sound just went right through me.

    How are you feeling today?

    Vic x

  • Still exhausted but I'm sure it's the drugs!!

    Gonna try to get out and have some sunshine today.

    Relax and do something for you today xx

  • Sorry to hear you had to go through that. I would have responded the same in your circumstances - in fact I wouldn't have had the strength to get myself to a group meet up at all - you have so much strength but it's ok to respond to your emotions and healthy too. I hope you are feeling a bit better today. Time is a healer as they say. Wishing thst you get your miracle soon. Love and hugs xxx

  • Thank you. Yes I probably was a bit foolish going but I'd already promised months ago and I thought it would be good for me to go out with a group of people who had something else in common e.g. Synchronised swimming. I didn't know that girl had even had a second baby recently so it was just a great shock. I do feel better today albeit rather embarrassed but never mind. Better than having a panic attack there I suppose. A quiet day at home for me I think. Loads of laundry to catch up on following last week's awful weekend. Thanks again. Xxx

  • Don't worry about the embarrassment factor - that will soon be forgotten. I went in my local takeaway ok Friday after not having been in there since I got quite drunk at a works do after getting my bfn. No one batted an eyelid. It's the times that you're not expecting it that get you and as you say it's all still so raw. I've just done a big pile of laundry too - hate it! But it's satisfying when it's done. Now off to wickes to get some things to cap the shower pipes after thinking we could fix the shower ourselves. When will we ever learn?

    Look after yourself and do something nice if you can. Big hugs xxx

  • So sorry this happened to you, unfortunately through our journey things do get a bit much and throw us from time to time. Same happened me yesterday - my bro's partner fosters children and landed to our parents home with an 11 day old baby boy. I couldn't get out fast enough. Do something nice today, be kind to yourself (always may I add) and take care too xx

  • Thank you. Take care of yourself too. xxx

  • I hope you are ok.... it's so hard isn't it.... we can never fully censor the environment to be completely 'safe' despite our efforts to avoid painful scenarios. There always seems to be a painful reminder somewhere... whether it be a shop... a TV advert.... an email... which hits us at our darkest times and is like the last straw when we dont want to be constantly reminded of the pain.... I hope your ok. Your so strong as sound like your strong relationship with hubby will get you through. Sending you hugs xxxx

  • Thank you. Yes I am so lucky to have my lovely hubby! xxx

  • Sending big hugs x I lost my embryo at 8 weeks ( 4 weeks ago ) and you think your ok and strong but sometime something unexpected brings back the pain . I'm still Crying now and not a day goes by when I think what if . Time is a great healer. but it is going to take time . You will get there

  • Thank you. I'm so sorry you've had such a horrible time. Sending you a big hug too. xxx

  • Sending you a big hug xx

  • Thank you. xxx

  • It's a totally natural feeling. Your doing amazing just take every day at a time xx

  • Thanks. x

  • I haven't been on here over the weekend so just saw your post. My heart goes out to you. The grief is still fresh and so raw and I'm not surprised it was all too much. Sending you lots of hugs. X

  • Thanks Hun. Yes it was all a bit much. I think I took my ok so get on with my childless life attitude a bit far. xx

  • just want to tell you I'm so sorry you've been through this. Infertility is a hard issue I know it from my personal experience, it's hit me and left no joy in my life...

    but you are strong remember this, you are the warrior and you'll be happy one day. Just give everything a time, all your pain will vanish into the air, just pray for it

    big hugs to you, here you could find a lot of fellows, don't afraid to express your feelings

  • Thank you. What a thoughtful post. xxx

  • you are welcome, I'm happy my words could help other people..

    it means my experience has some value at this community

    xxx and good luck to you

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