Needing support

Hi there I'm new on here and have unknown fertility issues we have been trying for nearly 4 years and no sign of falling pregnant we've had the tests all done can't find anything I don't think I'm ovulating every month like I should be is this normal as I have a fertility monitor and not every month it hits peak or high ?? I'm jus so worried il never have kids no matter how much people say it will happen who actually knows that they can't put me thru for ivf because my partner has a child and there's no way in hell we could afford the treatment I feel quite alone on this sometimes I'm ok with it for a bit and then I have a break down when I see people's face book scans and how many kids my friends have I'm so jealous does it ever get easier ?? Xx

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  • Hiya lovely I can relate to some of your issues. We been TTC for 2 yrs. I have a daughter from previous relationship who's 11 yrs old. But I was in my 20's having her and I'm 39 nowπŸ€”Ours is unexplained too. We live in Wales and I could get IVF funded eventhough I have got a child because it's not with my current partner..?That's why I can't understand why they refuse you in the ground your partner has a child that's bull**ks!

    Maybe ask your local NHS why it's available in Wales?

    Really hope it works out for you somehow xx

  • Hiya O really wow I might have to move to wales haha yeh I'm defo going to ask my gp about that one it is bollocks your so right it's totally unfair even tho I love my partners child like he's my own it's not the same he doesn't live with us so it's not like I see him all the time I dunno why they do this here it's just the nhs cutting costs on everything it's just so annoying tho isn't it and you think because you have already had a child you would easily fall again it just doesn't work like that sometimes and probably people say to you at least you have your daughter but that Doesn't stop you wanting another baby life is so cruel sometimes and looks easier for other people i jus wanna jump in a hole sometimes so hard thank you for replying to me xxxx

  • Thanks for understanding. Secondary infertility is not really talked about. I sometimes feel bad mentioning it on here like I'm a bit of a fraud or greedy or something..

    My OH feels exactly like you do about your step child;he loves my daughter to bits. Been her step dad since she was 5 yrs old. But as she still sees her real dad he always feels second best and is desperate for his own.

    Eventhough we initially qualified for NHS funded IVF when we'd gone through all the assessments and they just about to say yes go for it the muse weighed us and cos my partners BMI is 32 and it has to be 30 to be referred. He finds it incredible hard to loose weight so we made the decision there and then to go private. My partner works away half the week (hasn't helped us trying to conceive!!) we are fortunate enough to afford it.

    If I could give you any advise it would be sod NHS. Talk it through and see if you can find the money somehow. The private sector is so different,accepting and it's so fast. We started the journey in Nov 2016 and I'm testing on Friday!

    Nice to "chat" to you xx

  • O excellent that's great news fingers crossed for you you will have your baby miracle that's really good yeh I know private is looking the way to go if it comes to it we will have to find it somewhere jus feel like I'm at the bottom of the food chain at the minute need all the help we can get my mum an dad live in Australia and I moved back to the uk there coming to see me this year so I'm going to sit them down and see if they would help out in any way I really hope so the nhs seems to have stupid rules on this weight stuff I mean they was always on at me to lose weight and I wouldn't say I was very big just average but yeh has to be a certain bmi I jus think if it's gonna happen it's gonna happen my auntie is morbidly obese she still managed to have 2 and me and my partner are like t total we don't drink a lot and don't smoke and don't do drugs it just seems that the people that do all these things have kids easy haha probably not but that's my opinion haha I did look at a clinic in Prague looked really decent and half the price of here but not too sure think it was 4000 pound for 1 cycle a lot of people are going abroad now what do u think about that xx

  • Oh it's so bloody hard, I totally understand the friends thing, it's so painful as you want to be happy for them, but it's painful x have you thought about just having a private consultation just to have a chat about your options? If they think an IUI would be suitable then that's a lot cheaper thank IVF? Has your GP confirmed that you can't get funding? Xx

  • Hi there yes they told they couldn't refer me for ivf at the fertility clinic at the hospital I had a few rounds of Chlomid but my body didn't respond to them it's really upsetting the friends thing and no matter how much everyone says you'll be fine they don't know that lol I think if I was going to do it I'd just do the ivf. We would have to find the money somehow I may just give it this year see what happens but I'm 35 now and don't really want to leave it any longer life is cruel sometimes I kno there's worse off people than me but doesn't stop the hurting thanks for listening xxxx

  • Hi Kelsta,

    I had my first ivf private lucky my inlaws helped us find it but unfortunately it wasn't successful, the reason we went privately is because I was told the wrong information from my doctors, but I've gone to different doctor who was really helpful and put me through nhs, it's taken over a year to get where I am and I've still got to wait as I've had to have another ruebella vaccination and then blood test in months time,

    It is really tough with friends, family, tv etc all having what we all desperately desire, or the dreaded questions, that come with life, when you having children etc :-(

    I personally don't find it gets easier, I'd say harder but I've been trying for over 8 years :-(

    If I was you i would look into nhs funded ivf again and see if there is a way round it, or there is some private ivf rhat give you a payment plan,

  • Hi leesalou aww bless ya at least you've sorted with nhs now thank god by looking at the success rate looks like it takes a few goes on average fingers crossed this time I really hope you do yes your right maybe I should go back there's nothing to lose there's gotta be a way round it there's jus been so many cut backs like they just didn't want to know at the clinic at the hospital I went to very upsetting I think I may give it this year and jus keep doing my monitor at home but I'm really going to have to think about the ivf route will most definitely look at the options of where to go i was looking at a clinic in Prague which was half the price of uk but not too sure I think I will defo report back to gp and ask someone just told me in wales they put you thru nhs even if your partner had a child fingers crossed xxx.

  • Thanks,

    Yeah nhs is a long horriable cycle but I've had loads of probs with lost paperwork missing results, blood test after blood test, drives me crazy!

    Think sometimes when you want something so much it takes over your life which it did mine, then I went to the doctors for help and given it this one last shot,

    But deffo go back to your doctors and question what was said.

    Because there is loads of different things they say, when I was living in Berkshire I was told I wasn't allowed because I was in the wrong post code and wrong age as I was over 30 that's why I went private!

    You could always be naughty and say no he hasn't because I'm sure they don't check these things,

    Have you taken any folic tablets? I'm on seven seas ones (purple box) the reviews on them loads of people swear by them and have got pregnant soon after taken them but that could just be a myth (say I can only conceive through ivf now I'm only taking them as instructed )

  • Hi Hun yeh I've got some of them been on them a while u never kno tho I will definitely go back and see what they say but I rekon we will have to go private if it comes to it would be good tho I think everything is on record unfortunately

    What a nightmare losing all your results I know how u feel u feel like a pin cushion after a while u sort of think what was this test for you forget what you've done I've had loads to test my ovulation. I don't think I ovulate every month I really don't and I have such long long cycles I'm talking 32 to 40 days one time on the chlomid was 53 days can u believe it it's all over the place I think all those years I was on the pill could it of messed me up I don't kno ... on average it's 33 to 37 day cycles how old are you and what are your cycles like ?? Xx

  • I've pm you as this doesn't let me know you've replied

  • Hi my story was exactly the same as yours don't worry about those tests strips they aren't a guarantee to say you are or aren't ovulating. Most women ovulate 10 out of 12 months per year. Have you tried chatting your temperature every morning as this will show you changes in your body. My husband had a daughter from a previous and even tho she was over 18 and didn't live with us the NHS wouldn't help. I decided that if there was nothing 'wrong' with me that it was just a waiting game for it to be our turn. I had reflexology on and off for a while which balanced my hormones and removed blockages both physical and psychological. At the end of last year I switched to a more alkaline diet and fell pregnant over Xmas and we are now over 10 weeks pregnant. Ivf isn't always the answer and it is so so expensive if you don't have and definite reason to need it. Good health and positivity was key for me and it worked. All the best for your future you will get your chance to be a mum xx

  • That's brilliant news congratulations yeh it feels like a waiting game I'm always on a diet Haha a weight watcher life member lol my friends been wanting me to do a c9 body cleanse from forever living spose to restart your body I may do this jus to see if it works she's been on at me for ages someone else said to me about taking my temperature il have to try it xx thanks for reply Hun x

  • Oh I feel for u Hun, a friend of mine had same issue, her husband has 20 year old son from a previous relationship and the NHS try to justify that as their reason for refusal! It's so unfair!! I would try & fight it if u can! Also there's a fertility clinic one of the girls on here mentioned I think it's called access fertility which although ud have to find the funds initially, if it doesn't work u get some money back? Might be worth a look

    Good luck xxx

  • Ok thank you il have a look into that xx thanks for reply xx

  • I've been reading 'it starts with the egg' and, though very American, it did make me feel like there are things I can do with diet and other things. I've made some changes and feel more positive about keeping trying. Good luck x

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