Back on the rollercoaster.

[Mantaray75]

Picked up my drugs today and handed over oodles of cash ready for cycle number 3.

Really struggling at the moment. I just can't be excited this time even though we did get pregnant. It took us months last time to get to transfer and we only ended up with one blastocyst. I can't help but think we were just lucky to even get that far last time.

I really could do with taking some time out and trying to get some normal life back but since I turn 41 in a month that isn't really an option. I normally look forward to birthdays but this one is a reminder that I'm running out of time. We're coming home for Christmas but with 2 new babies in the immediate family to meet even that is losing its shine.

Sorry to rant guys but I know you lot will understand.

x

[Hidden]

I get how you feel, I have just done my 3rd cycle and felt like I went through it like a robot just doing the motions even though it failed I am glad I did it, I am now moving onto to DE.

Good Luck xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Mantaray75 in reply to Hidden]

I'm so sorry to hear your cycle failed. I know what you mean - I have to go through this even though my heart isn't in it.

We'll probably have to consider DE next but down here in NZ its tricky. It may be the thing that brings us back to the UK but I think we'd look at Cyprus or Spain for treatment.

x

[Hidden in reply to Mantaray75]

We are going to Cyprus after Xmas the clinic I have been talking to have been fabulous and I get a good vibe from them. Much cheaper and better success rates than UK, due to younger donors x

[Datak]

Hi Mantaray75, I know it feels like it but this won't be your life forever and it will be worth it xx good luck with this cycle ... stay strong you absolutely can do this and remember your body is prepared this time xxx I will keep my fingers crossed for you and don't worry if you struggle to be positive this time ...that's a natural response to all you have been through .... we are here for you when you need us to pick you upxx

[Daisy14]

Completely understand this. After what you've been through I honestly don't think you will ever feel 'ready'. I waited too long for cycle no2 and in the end kind of fell back into it. I was a wreck all the way through. That makes no difference to the outcome and it is all a fresh unconnected cycle so remember that.

Taking a step forward is a positive thing, just so one step at a time and allow yourself to find it hard and hold on to your hubby. A change of scenery will be good, come up with an escape plan for the events you are dreading and plan in all the things you have been missing in your time away. Never a better time to treat yourself.

Rant away, I think we've all done it and can be a sympathetic ear.

Good luck xx

[KittyK]

Don't worry about ranting. I know how you feel. Ive got my birthday and Christmas coming up and its just like....meh? The one thing that you really want you haven't got. Right? It makes it all seem sort of pointless. Like you I'm not really able to get excited about the cycle. Even though I did thr last few times. You sound like such a strong woman, you've got this far, you can do this. Maybe imagine one step at a time? I've got a calendar and every now and then I look at it and it's got all my cycle steps on it. I don't get excited as such but I look at it and I think, ok, so only a week until this step etc etc. Makes it all seem a bit less like life is dragging. Best wishes again this time. Xxxx

[nbigland]

Good luck and try and stay positive. Positive vibes positive body!! We are in a similar situation starting out first round of ivf in Nov after 5 failed iui I was just thinking last night what id do to have a 'normal life' for a while however stay focused on your dream with lots of positive energy and it will happen xx

[Hidden]

Totally agree.I think sometimes you struggle to get excited maybe as a way of protecting yourself incase it doesn't work again. I think it's definitely easier for me now to not think that this might be the month! Also Christmas and Birthdays suck at the moment. For me it's milestones that I'd hoped to reach in a different situation. You're definitely not alone!

[embiemomma]

I started my FET quickly after my failed fresh cycle, I felt more positive once I started the regime again and was doing something rather than just waiting. I was quite pessimistic about a positive outcome though because of our failed attempt - in a way I think this made me less stressed about it all because i didn't put everything on it working. I did get my BFP and am now 18 weeks pregnant! I think just going with the flow was the best way. Best of luck. X

[Mantaray75 in reply to embiemomma]

I was wondering how your pregnancy was going as I think I was a couple of weeks behind you. Glad it is all good.

I guess I expect setbacks this time so hoping I'll be more chilled. I'd be amazed if it all went smoothly until transfer.

We're having a weekend away to the mountains (where it all started to go wrong last time). I think it will be good to go back to the same place and I'm at least able to drink this time. I'll then be alcohol free as I start my injections on Tuesday.

My husband is gonna take supplements this time and complained about the taste of them tonight - I just pointed at the 2 bags of injectables on the table and he shut up!

[embiemomma in reply to Mantaray75]

myself and my husband weighed ourselves last week, I'd put 2lb on and he'd put half a stone on in 4 months! I asked him what his excuse was! He's great bless him, but I'm sure men don't fully understand what we go through! Probably easy for me to say now, but now I'm pregnant, I'm so glad I didn't give up. Its worth every second of the treatment I promise you. Really hoping this is your time, weird phrase, but I now know our first cycle wasn't meant to be because this pregnancy is working out perfectly, timing, everything. I'm sure things happen for a reason. You just don't always see it at the time. Xxx

[City74]

Good luck with your treatment. It must be hard after what you went through last time. Sending you lots of good wishes for this round.

[Sprinkles86]

Good luck for your treatment mantaray, I know what you mean about special occasions, we have been trying for 4 years now and had two miscarriages in that time. Every Christmas and birthday that rolls around is just a reminder of the one thing that's missing. Hard to keep your chin up sometimes isn't it xxx