Thank you

Just wanted to say thanks for all the lovely support you guys have given me over the last few days. I'm now back home after having the D&C yesterday ironically on what would have been our official scan date. Even as a doctor I naively thought that at this stage a miscarriage would just be like a heavy period, how wrong I was. The cruel thing is that I now know what labour pains feel like.

After a week of hospital admissions, passing huge clots the size of a fist and excruciating pain requiring repeated doses of morphine I was just pleased to get to theatre (apart from the fact that I vaguely knew the young registrar who was doing the procedure) . The worst part (which I keep having flashbacks to) was seeing the surgeon write in massive letters on the whiteboard in theatre the name of the op - ERPOC (it wasn't a product, it was my baby).

Even though I feel I'm running out of time we will try again. The problem with NZ is that they don't really test why it happens or suggest any additional medications and just seem to use standard protocol and hope for the best. I will grill my consultant in a few weeks when I see her.

Gonna plant something in the garden tomorrow in memory of our little one. Even though we won't be in NZ forever, this was our Kiwi baby.

11 Replies

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  • I am so sorry to read this, I must have missed your last post.

    It doesn't matter how far along you are the physical and emotional pain are hard to bear. Follow your natural feelings and instincts and don't 'should' anything at all. I made that mistake in the early months after my miscarriage and it made things so much harder.

    Having a plant is a lovely idea and will give you something tangible to remember. I got a lot of support from the miscarriage association and have spoken to a number of women there who have really helped me on my journey since. Be super kind to yourself and good luck for whatever you do next xx

  • Hope things are going well with you. x

  • Big hugs petal. I've been there and it's horrible 😔 I wish I had chosen d&c instead of dragging it out the way I did., and after it was all over I filled out a optional true testimonial which would be left for other patients to read telling the truth about the pain, which of course is nothing like a period. It's total agony. Wish I had been given a heads up on that.

    Its very unforgiving abbreviations 😔 Mine was also referred to as a product. How cold. 😔 Planting something is a great thing to do, I didn't do it and That's maybe why I still struggle with closure 15 years on. I've often pondered about a small private tattoo.

    It's like daisy said. If doesn't matter how far you are. You have lost a child. I'm so sorry for your suffering.

    All the best and be kind to yourself ❤️❤️ Xxxx

  • Xxxxxxxx

  • Have been thinking of you, take care of yourself. Sending love x x x

  • Hi Mantaray75. Not the easiest of experiences to have to go through, but you have, and well done for coming out of it with some positive attitude. It's such a lovely thought to be planting a shrub or whatever in the garden - we did the same - and it does help. I wish you hadn't had to go through all of this, but as a doctor, this experience will have made you even more caring to your own patients. Wishing you peace and contentment until you are ready to try again. Sending gentle hugs to you both. Diane

  • I planted 2 bushes for our identical twins from natural conception. I went for medical management but in retrospect should have gone for d&c. That was 3 years ago and before we were told we needed ICSI. I also had a "natural" mc before that. Time has helped ease the pain but it's something that will stay with me forever. Unfortunately medical staff have to use the medical terminology when referring to our lost babies, it seems a bit cold but they have to stay emotionally detached. I'm sure that they did feel upset for you but it won't be appropriate to show that whilst treating you. A blubbing nurse or doctor won't have helped me, they were kind and looked after me well.

    Take lots of care and look after yourselves.

  • I understand about not getting emotional. I do it all the time working in a hospice.

    Most of the hospital staff were great but sometimes its just the little things. The last thing I saw before going to sleep was the surgeon writing ERPOC in huge letters on the whiteboard in front of me. If he had waited 2 mins I would have been asleep and not seen it. I know it wasn't intentional. I actually know him and he is a really nice guy.

  • That was unfortunate but like you say unintentional. It can't have been easy for him having to do the d&c on sone one he knows. I wouldn't have known what the initials meant, probably an advantage for those of us who aren't medically trained.

    Take the time you need before you go back to work.

  • Hey, I know nothing I can say can help but I kinda just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you....for all that it's worth!! I'm guessing as a medic you're presumed to be "ok" with the medical terminology.....which is crap!! Although I suppose they get a bit blasé with what they deal with everyday. I haven't even nearly been in your position and I can't imagine the hell but just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you!! I admire that you've decided to remember your little kiwi baby, I hope it brings you peace!!xx

  • I'm so so sorry to hear this :( sending love and hugs . Xx

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