Road block yet again

[Megandlandon]

So, as we are trying to start the FET cycle after my faile fresh we got denied to take out another small amount for a loan. We obviously haven't paid off much of the first loan of IVF but now we are stumped. We can't exhaust all of our cash. We need money for a rainy day and our debt is piling up from all the IVF associated tasks. I am losing hope and comfort in knowing what to do. I don't have time to just wait around. I feel like we are the only ones struggling financially in accomplishing paying for it all. It's overwhelming and to be honest, taking the fun and excitement of doing it again. I felt all those bad nightmarish feelings when my husband texted me saying we can't get approved for another small loan. Can I just start screaming and crying now? Someone please give me comfort in knowing we aren't alone and they are doing the impossible as well and draining everything they have to "try" at having a baby????

[Hidden]

Hi there

We have done to fresh cycles and failed both about to embark on our final cycle and it's costing 7k....we had an angel I disguise throw us a lifeline and lent is the money and we are paying her back I didn't ask she offered and we broke down as ones that you least expect are the ones who offer you the life line.

Don't give up, wishing u all the best xxxx

[Hope_faith]

Hi you are not alone, when we 1st started our journey and was told we'd have to pay i only work 16 hrs a week on minimum wage an my partner was not permitted to work....felt like it was never going to happen at that point, a year later things had turned around i got more hours and a pay rise and my now husband can work in the uk...because we didnt want to wait any longer in trying to save the funds i tried to get serveral loans but was refused, but then my sister offered to take out a credit card for us and that was our miracle....now all we have to do is pay it bk, but we are literally using everything we've got and getting by on the bare minimum so that not only are we paying it bk with little interest but also if first attempt fails we arnt in that much debt and will be thinking about trying again soon after....its so hard when u just dnt know where the money is going to come from and to make matters worse it jus feels awful to think its all to have a baby, that should could so natually... im sure u will find light at the end of the tunnel x

[pm27]

It seems so unfair and the cost of treatment is so expensive, we're 20k in so far and 2 BFNs and no frosties. So this is our third and final go, partly due to finances but if it doesn't work with donor eggs it is never going to work. My mother in law offered to help us out with money but we turned her down as we've been saving for a "rainy day" for years, just didn't know that it was for this.

Have you got any friends or relatives that could loan you the money and accept that it would be a long pay back period? I think you're right to not exhaust all your cash.

[Megandlandon in reply to pm27]

Thank you for your response. This is such a difficult road for me, my husband and our marriage. It's definitely paid a toll. We have family we could possibly ask but my husband refuses to do so. I guess maybe it's a blow to his ego because he likes to be the provider. My in laws could and would help us but he has never asked them for money. I have had major panic attacks thinking about what to do. Which I can't believe I am even letting myself be so selfish. But the reality came to me this morning..... Yes, we will be in more debt, yes, we already have debt but I reuse to not use those frozen embryos we sacrificed so much for over $3,000. It's a lot of money. I know it will take several years for us to get caught up but it's not a question anymore of if I should use the frosties but when. I can't relate to the couples and women that are crushed when it fails. I was so heartbroken and it's the devil trying to get in the way and control negative thoughts for me. I am going to make it a daily goal and not let it consume me with worry. If it doesn't work this time, we are done. We don't have the money to go forward and I don't have time to keep going hoping that it will. I have given my all. We tried naturally for a long time, Clomid and IVF. What's left? Praying God has a plan and no matter what he is going to help me get through this even if it doesn't work in our favor. I am scared though.

[Hepzibah in reply to Megandlandon]

It's all very sad, but don't give up. Stay strong. Put it to the back of your mind and think 'where can I get more money from?'. Does it have to be immediate? You are relatively young... could you give yourself a goal and save up a bit? For us, it is around £30,000 now. We have no savings at all. I am not working, due to fertility treatments. We have credit cards coming out of our ears... but I still want more. Have you anything to sell on eBay? In the last month, I made £400, and this is my target now for the forseeable future. It is a bit hard, you have got to keep your customers happy... it is time consuming, but it has kept me busy. We are also selling my pension plan. Nope, it's not just you. But lately, all I think about is that all of this is just material... it's a healthy happy baby I'm after, who cares about the rest of it? A bit flippant, I know, but I am not allowing myself to think about the financial element... or I would have to stop... and I'm not ready for that, well not yet, anyawy. There's a bit more fight left. There are some clinics that offer a 'money back' plan... here is an article about it theguardian.com/money/2015/... [and] some private healthcare companies offer loans for healthcare treatments, although I'm not sure whether this would include IVF, here is some further information... netdoctor.co.uk/private-med... and actually, now I come to think of it, I must look into this myself!

[Megandlandon in reply to Hepzibah]

Your so sweet! We have sold stuff. Not much left to sell other than maybe our house but we need that to live. We have so much debt to income ratio that it's not allowing us to apply for ANY more loans. Then I think what will we do "if" we got pregnant and having to pay for it all since we have used so much of what had saved. Once that savings is gone, very hard to get it back because every time I look around there is another several hundred dollars going out for the fertility treatments.

We managed to get together the funds for the FET cycle so I am praying and hoping so much it works. God will work it out because he always has. The wait is tough!

[Hepzibah]

Yes, I understand. No savings is difficult, that is where we are now. So, there is no back-up for fuel and so on. Our income / expenditure ratio is staggering. But I am selling everything I can. So, with eBay (this may help) what I have learnt is that only around one in ten items sell at any given point. So, I started off with 25 items (throwing the odd 'more valuable' item in)... but over the last couple of months (bit by bit) have managed to get up to 100 (of course, that's hard work to start with). Sundays are my eBay days... Furniture, anything. Old bricks in the garage. Rubbish old carpets in the attic - seriously, eBayers will buy anything. No flashy smart phones. All sold (they can fetch quite a bit). But, what I would say is that the lack of funds has driven me forward with the eBay thing. As, without it, we would indeed lose our house. Meantime, I am beginning (as we have survived this far) to believe that we can get through this and find funds so that we can continue treatment into 2016. It's my mission, as I want no regrets in the future. Don't give up. Giving up is stressful and stress is no good for fertility.

[Hopeful1982]

Hello,

If you have age on your side it might be worth taking some time to get your finances into shape before trying again. I know we are all desperate and want it to happen now but sometimes a break from all of this is good!

Last year I was in a terrible place emotionally and desperate to have IVF to 'fix' things. I had a long wait for our NHS appointment and while I waited I did some counselling (which may be available through your clinic or your GP may be able to refer) and took up Tai Chi. I worked really hard on finding things that helped me to relax and feel better and followed recommendations from my counsellor. It meant when we did start treatment I was in a much better place emotionally. Although I hated waiting, with hindsight I was glad I had the time as I used it to get in a more positive place.

I know it may not be the answer you want but taking some time to yourself and to pay off some of the debt may allow you to take another loan and ultimately put you in a better place to start treatment.

It's terrible that whether or not you can have a child depends for so many women on how much cash they have in the bank. There is no doubt this is a really tough journey and I really wish you all the best with treatment x