Baby scans on Facebook

[Sarahmanc]

I feel like such a horrible person but every time another person adds their baby scan on Facebook I just want to scream! I really want to be genuinely happy for them - some of them are great friends - but it just makes me so depressed. Does anyone else have this?

[anj81]

Hey Sarah. I feel this way, with people who announce pregnancies with increasing frequencies these days. Some of them are great friends and close family and it makes me feel terrible for myself while knowing that I have a duty to be incredibly happy for them. All I can say is that over time, as we accept that the good news for them does not necessarily mean bad news for us - the two are independent events - it becomes easier to handle. It will never completely go away, I don't think, but it becomes easier to accept over time. You aren't alone Sarah. Sometimes I feel I am alone in this too as all I hear is positive things from everyone else on places like Facebook but it is important to know that there are many of us going through this, we are just less open about it. Stay as positive as you can, warm virtual hugs to you that it all works out for all of us soon xx

[Sarahmanc in reply to anj81]

Thanks Anj. Yeah I think Facebook gives a very false view of the world because people rarely share sad or frustrating things so it can feel sometimes like you're the only one. But you'd be surprised how compassionate people are when you tell them. Thanks for the hugs - right back at you! Xxx

[Flitany]

You're not a horrible person at all! It's a perfectly natural way to feel. Did you know you can unfollow people on Facebook? That way you are still friends but they don't show up in your newsfeed. But they don't know you've unfollowed them! I only follow about twenty or so friends, it makes things much more manageable.

[Kernishp]

I have unfollowed so many people on FB, but I eventually ended up deactivating my profile last week as seeing my friends discussing their parenthood experiences with each other was just too painful. I think people who post status updates whinging about parenthood are even worse than the baby scans- they make me want to scream!!

[Daisy-Mae]

Hi Sarah I agree with the ladies, you are certainly not a terrible person and I know exactly what you are feeling. I too have thought about deleting my account as I just can't take all the scan and baby pictures, but I haven't done it yet. I am with Flitany on this one and just keep adding people to my 'unfollow' list! It doesn't make you a bad person but it does help you to feel better. I'm new to this site but have found reading the posts and hearing from ladies going through the the same as me has been one of the biggest supports of all. Hang on in there, you are not alone xx

[Sarahmanc]

Ha yeah I'm pretty familiar with the unfollow button! There's an app which tells you every week what stage the baby is at - anyone who uses that is pretty much an instant unfollow! I guess people are just so caught up in their own joy, they want to share it - I get that - it just sometimes is hard to see xx

[Michy67]

I know exactly how you feel. I have so many friends who have just had a baby or are currently pregnant. I want to be happy for them so much but I really find it a struggle sometimes.

We met a friend of ours yesterday to be introduced to their new bundle of joy, I held it together remarkably well until my husband held her at which point I had to excuse myself before I completely broke down and ruined the moment for everyone.

One thing I have realised over the last few years is that you are allowed to feel these things, it's ok, it doesn't make you a bad person. Deep down you know you are genuinely happy for them it's just difficult to show it right now.

[Hopeful1982 in reply to Michy67]

Hi Michy67, I find it difficult to see my husband holding his niece as I think you can't help but think that's what they would look like holding your baby. The grief and sense of loss can be completely overwhelming in those moments so I think it's ok to get upset.

[Michy67 in reply to Hopeful1982]

You are right, overwhelmed is exactly how I felt. It really shocked me, I was given the baby to hold (not by choice) and I actually held it together but as soon as my husband had her I couldn't control it any longer and had to go for a quick "toilet" break to calm down. I felt very silly but gladly I managed to hide it well and no one really noticed.

I am so glad to have people to chat to on here that actually understand. Its hard when none of your friends that have been in this situation and really don't understand how it feels.

[Hopeful1982 in reply to Michy67]

This site is great. I felt so isolated before I found it.

People cannot fathom that their baby who had brought them so much joy can possibly make you feel sad. Of course, it's not their child but the fact you don't have one that causes the upset and unfortunately their baby is just a reminder of that fact.

I'm sure it would not have occurred to your friend that holding the baby or seeing your husband holding the baby would have been upsetting in the slightest!

I keep reading that people don't share that they are suffering from infertility because they are ashamed. I'm not ashamed but I don't share because I find people just don't understand. It's easier to be around people who are blissfully ignorant rather than people who keep saying daft unhelpful things!

Take care x

[Sarahmanc]

Oh that sounds tough Michy. I don't think you ruined the moment - she should have had some understanding that it would've been really hard for you to see that. I haven't actually seen my friend's newborn - I just can't bring myself to do it! But hopefully she understands that it is about self preservation for me! Xx

[Michy67 in reply to Sarahmanc]

I was very close to backing out and not seeing them so I totally understand why you would avoid it.

I am sure your friend understands or at least can empathise with your situation. Sometimes you just have to do whats right for you and I am sure at some point you will be able to face it but it takes time and that's ok.

[Rachaelrix86]

It's normal to feel this way I did when my sister in law got pregnant on their first month of trying was annoyed by it all but once my nephew was here it was different I got squishy cuddles and big cheesy grins and I just thought it wasn't his fault a little miracle made don't lose hope x

[Hopeful1982]

Pregnancy announcements on FB are awful! I hate them. It's the way they just pop up suddenly on your news feed with no warning! They make me feel sad as it's just another reminder that instead of sharing happy news with our family and friends and being excited about welcoming our baby to the world, we're sharing our grief and feeling frightened about our future and the IVF journey ahead. I tell my hubby to remind me of this when its our turn so that I don't post any scan photos on FB!

Take care and don't beat yourself up for finding these things difficult x

[Little3535]

It is really difficult I felt funny when my baby sister told me she was pregnant and I watched her glow and she looked stunning and big and blooming and some times I could keep myself together but when my niece arrived it was a different story she's the most precious thing to us all xx she has cuddles giggles sleep overs and I would change her for the world xx part of me felt guilty for feeling the way I did throughout her pregnancy and j don't think the feeling ever goes away xx until we get what we want I think we will alway envy those who have what we want but not in a bad way xx fingers crossed we will all get a positive soon xx big hugs all round xx

[Bunty83]

It's hard to accept you're the odd one out, but it's true that most people will get pregnant on their own. Its unfair but that's why this forum is great. It makes you feel normal again and you're not alone, there are lots of people going through this xx

[jenny34]

Agree with absolutely everything above. It is perfectly normal to feel like this and all the ladies on here including me will empathise and understand. Good idea to 'unfollow' people or even come off facebook for a while. I never understood why people post scan pics anyway - surely they are special and private?! Also, people who moan about their kids - im always ranting about it to my other half - it gets worse at half term and school hols - "ive got the kids for a whole week, what am I going to do with them?!" AAARGH!!! DONT HAVE KIDS THEN IF YOU CANT BE BOTHERED TO SPEND ANY TIME WITH THEM!!! Grrr. Unfollow, unfollow, unfollow. Makes me so angry!! Sending you loads of love and try to ignore stupid facebook xxxxxxxxx

[Hidden]

Yep! Sarahmanac, I know the feeling. My sister in law had 2 kids and does not want anymore however she accidentally got pregnant and was unhappy. On the other hand my best friend and I have been trying together for two and a half years, she is now 4 months pregnant and I am still trying. Am smiling on the outside but deep down am hurting and wants to avoid her. However it is difficult because she comes over ever so often, and she always asking me to hurry up and get pregnant. Although it is not my choice. Don't get me wrong I love her to bits but it is hard sometimes hearing her making plans. So you are not alone! Hopefully our time will come soon, lots of hugs and baby dust to you.

[Sarahmanc]

Thanks for the comments girls - feeling a lot better today xxx