Can't stop thinking !!

Just had my first ICSI cycle ! Yesterday I had my egg transfer, we had 14 eggs to start with 1 not mature enough , 12 fertilized! Thought that was a great start but yesterday during my egg transfer which was a 3 day - only one was just okay none to freeze. He said it was a 8 cell that morning that had gone to a 10 cell with fragmentation so I am trying to stay positive , this 2 week wait is going to be a nightmare :( :(

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  • Hi Anghun,

    Wishing you all the best. I had my first cycle of ICSI in September/October and we got 2 suitable embryos out of 13 eggs. It wasn't successful but I really hope you have better luck.

  • Thank you pm27 its my first time and I try to keep my mind occupied but nothing seems to work! Are you having another go?

  • Hi Anghun,

    Still undecided, we won't be able to start again until January at the earliest. I'm trying to stay positive but it's difficult. I too am trying to keep occupied which is fine during the day but at 2am it's not so easy. Going back to the GP today to tell another locum about the insomnia, failed treatment ...

    We went on holiday for the second week of 2WW and that seemed to help.

    Good luck for the pregnancy test, sending you all the best.

  • Thank you and hope all goes well for you next time xx

  • HI Anghun, You did really well with 14 eggs and 12 fertilized, I had my egg transfer also yesterday did'nt do so well as you i had 6 eggs and only 3 fertilized like your self 3 day transfer only had the one embryo transferred which was 8 cells Top grade which we were told between 8-10 cells for day 3 is what they call top grade my other 2 was just under 8 cells so they will be informing us on if they inprove and what they will do next for them. It only takes one Good embryo to work, im just trying to stay positive but worrying does'nt do you any good so just think positive over the next 2 wks, when is your test? wishing you all the best for it xx

  • Hello Inhopeofababy :) they told me mine was just ok?

    Not good just okay the embryologist did not seem to convinced on it so I'm not sure ? Mine is 13.12 so long away ! I was so happy with 12 fertilized as my husband has low but I felt disappointed just having one okay one but like you said stay positive xx

  • O lovely, i was the same very disappointed when i fould out i only had the 6 eggs out of the amount of follicles i had then very disappointed and upset finding out only 3 had fertilized but after having a long chat with my nurse friday when i had to go for another scan i had a page full of questions to ask lol, she told me it only takes the one embryo to work and that it wasn't the quantity its the quality. You mean 13.12 in cells on day 3 ?? to me that is very good the doctor i had said mine was what they call top grade for a day 3 transfer which is between 8-10 cells, I know its hard to not worry over the nxt 2 wk wait but worrying won't do you any good so just try to reamin positive and just think of what the best christmas present your be giving one another. xxx

  • No 13 . 12 I have to take test , after nearly 8 years of trying it seems crazy to even be taking a pregnancy test !! I'll cry my eyes out either way I think ! Only one embryo they could put back in which was a 8-10 cell with fragmentation, hope all goes well with you also :)

  • Hey stop thinking negative and start thinking positive your not doing your self and the embryo any good by stressing. My self and husband have been married for 16 yrs and trying we just thought one day it would happen for us but it never did every mth i came on my period i use to just cry my eyes out thinking why can't it be me it happens so easy for other women the hardest part im also a twin she has 3 beautiful girls my brother and sister- inlaw has just had there first a little boy Monday just gone when i heard the news she had it, i just broke down and cryed don't get me wrong im so happy and over the moon for them but a part of me just felt why isn't it that easy for us. I have just called my clinic to see how our other 2 embryos were coming on in cells and heart broken as we have none left to freeze as the did'nt make it the one made it to blastocyst but did'nt have enough cells, i was just trying to hold back the tears on the phone but she said that i had a really good one transferred which was 8 cells for day 3 which were trying to remain positive and im doing my best in trying to look after my little embryo i've even gave him a name lol ( embo) my hubby thinks im crazy. Just try to remain positive my lovely and plenty of rest and fluids try reading a book anything to take your mind off the nxt 2ww xxx

  • Thinking of you during yr 2ww! I soooo hope it all works out for you after such a long journey for you both. Stay chilled! Take it easy. Sending lots of strong healthy thoughts to yr embryo! Xx

  • All the very best wishes for you and take it easy during yr 2ww! Easy to say but try not to think about it all. Just do some fun things, shopping, cinema, nice meal to try and distract you. And stay upbeat and positive! Lots of good luck to you! Take care xx

  • Hope23, Thankyou so much for your kind words im trying to stay positive as i've been told that i worry to much by my hubby and mum i am a virgo tho and virgos are known for it, i may go for a little walk later around the lakes by us to take my mind off it. I am praying it does work for us as it means the world to us both and i don't know how i will be able to carry on living if it doesn't. Im just trying to think its going to be the best christmas ever and the best birthday present i'll be giving my hubby for New Years Eve. Lots of love to you XX

  • I know how you feel. It's such a huge emotional roller coaster and so tough that so many ladies have to get help in achieving the one thing that others can do so easily! I always wanted 3 kids! And here I am, 42 with none! That's the problem with marrying late and my endometriosis was never diagnosed so now have all these problems! All we can do is take it day by day, hurdle by hurdle and go from there. But I do know how you feel.. and it's heart breaking. Look after yourself and a nice walk sounds good. Fresh air always makes you feel good! Xx

  • It is so tough and so emotional, My parents are going to see my new born nephew today and asked me if i would like to go with them to see him i feel so awful but i just could'nt bring my self in going intill we know we have a positive result our selves, it sounds so awful in not going to see him but i just know i would had broke down and cryed in having a cuddle of him. I always wanted twins and maybe another one after no more than 3 kids like your self im now 36 and my hubby will be 43 at the end of the mth with no kids and so scarred to grow old with none at all around to look after us. Im so sorry to hear that you have all these problems and really do hope you get the baby you've always wished for soon. Lots of love xxx

  • It doesn't sound bad at all. I well up sometimes when babies smile at me in the supermarket! It's only natural.

    Don't give up yet, hopefully this attempt will hit the spot and you'll both get the best Xmas present ever! If not, you can try again yes? And you have the donor egg option too. I know it may not be what you want, but it IS an option to achieve your long awaited dream. Anyway let's not dwell on that now! Focus on today and the lovely embryo inside you! Try not to think about what may go wrong, but think about all the good things, and that it may be YOUR time and it will be ok. Try not to feel guilty about how you feel about other people's babies, just focus on yourselves and your embryo! Wishing you every success. Love to you xx

  • Hi inhopeofababy,

    My husband's nephew was born about a week after our second miscarriage was completed. At one stage I almost expected to see my sister in law going into the labour ward as I came out of the gynaecology ward.

    I was really worried about meeting him as I feared I'd breakdown. We waited nearly a week to meet him and made sure no-one else was visiting at the same time. I made a plan before hand and prepped hubby with an escape plan. I also thought I don't have to hold him. In the end it went well, no-one forced me to hold him, I did and it was lovely.

    My advice would be do what you feel comfortable with, perhaps visit with someone else you can agree a plan with to leave if needed, don't leave it too long or it could build up out of proportion in your mind.

  • Hi pm27

    Im so sorry to hear about your miscarriages it must had been so hard for you at the time with your nephew being born when you had just lost one i can't imagine have you must had felt.

    We just want to wait intill the 2wk wait is up intill we get a result our selves. It is so hard in seeing all your family members in having babys in not yet knowing if its going to work for us. Were see him at christmas anyway i may just do that go down our selves to see them so we can just escape if need be. My mum upset me yesterday in what she said, that i have to get out in seeing people if it does'nt work for us that i can't keep on going on like the way i am, and we can always try again at 5-6 grade a pot, what a thing to say from your own mother. xx

  • Hi Anghun. 'This two weeks is going to be a nightmare'. We live in the experience of our thinking so if that is what you expect you are more like to experience it. There is a phrase, 'what the thinker thinks, the prover proves.' There is a thinker part of us and a prover. The prover looks for all the evidence to back up our thinking, and ignores anything to the contrary.

    How do you know it's going to be a nightmare?! That is all future prediction and your thinking cannot predict the future, nothing can!

    Come back to the here and now. You have done really well up to now. Give yourself a break, you deserve it!

    Spend some time each day tuning in to your body (it's in the here and now even if you thinking isn't) and visualise your body doing what you want it to do, welcoming your embryo and providing everything it needs to embed and thrive. Let your imagination play with that idea in whichever way you imagine it. Notice how it feels to imagine that happening right now.

    Remember, you are pregnant. From the moment of ET you are pregnant. Be in the moment and visualise your body and embryo thriving and let of all the future thinking/prediction/expectation, it's all made up. x

  • Oh my goodness I am nearly in tears reading all of your lovely comments :) I have actually been looking on this site from before my cycle and I was always to scared to but something on but you have all brightened up my day ! Inhopeofababy I am also a twin but I have a brother and he has two lovely beauties and I am sooo proud to be an Aunty but I can not wait to be a mother myself , thank you hope23 and russelldavies for your kind words :)

  • Anghun, This site has been wondeful theres so many lovely ladies on here thats going through the same which makes you feel that your not alone were all in the same boat on our journeys, being on here has helped me so much and i have made some new friends which were all going to be staying on touch. Being a twin must also be so hard for you as your brother has the two it is so hard as you think there on the 3rd and 2nd child and theres us weve none my twin sisters oldest is now already 13, I sure you will be a mother soon and and really do hope it works out for you. Never give up in hope your wish will come to you very soon. Sendin you lots of love and luck xx

  • It is helping me a lot :) sometimes questions go round and round in your head and you just need a bit of friendly advice ! Thank you very much and I hope things go well for you xxx

  • Dreams can come true:

    x